beed's casa....no es tu casa

full circle

2006-07-09T11:25:00.000-05:00

ya' know how the story of the full circle goes? our parents take care of us when we are young but as we age they start to depend on us to take care of them.

i experienced a little of that yesterday. me mum (no, i'm not british but i like the way that sounds) called me friday and axed if me and me brother could come over on saturday and help my dad work on his lawn mower.

now, my dad can do anything on a house. he taught me all of my carpentry and plumbing skills. but, he never did teach us any mechanical abilities growing up. cuz, he doesn't have any.

my brother became a pretty good self-taugh mechanic working on his cars because he was poor when he first married and always had piece of shit autos and couldn't afford to pay someone to work on them. i've helped him change clutches out on his old truck.

i learned quite a bit of mechanical skills through my job. even tho' i was technically an electronics technician, the truth is, the electronics rarely fail. but the mechanical parts of machinery will fail just through normal wear. beed has replaced hundreds of bearings and pulleys in his lifetime.

back on point. i had just finished working on my pool filter yesterday morning and my little bro' called me and said "did mom tell you she wanted me and you to work on dad's mower and rhonda's stove?"

i said "yup about the mower but i don't know anything about rhonda's (my little sister that is moving in across the road from me mum's house) stove" he said "well, it's not working either" i said "glad you told me, i'll bring my voltmeter (actually a multimeter but the 2 or 3 folks that read this drivel will understand voltemeter better) with me"

we both load up our respective conglomeration of mis-matched tools and head to the mum's casita. nobody was home but the mower was outside so it didn't matter. pops was trying to get the blades and the rear wheels off his mower to replace them. he had previously rented a tool to help him pull the rear wheels but the puller they gave him didn't work.

we decided to take the blades off first. them sumbitches wouldn't budge so i suggested we drop the deck and pull it out from under the mower. that way we could stand the mower deck on it's side and tommy could crank on one side and i could lock down the top pulley. the nuts were rusted on solid so we used a 3 foot long pipe as a cheater bar on the ratchet. i had to use all of my body weight to hold my side whilst he cranked on the ratchet. we got both off.

i use my multi-meter and check the fuses that go to the stove. sure enough, one of the fuses was blown. no continuity in that baby. electrons need continuity to flow from the fuse box to the stove.

tommy wanted to try to beat the wheels off with a crowbar. i argued with him that he'd booger up the axle too badly and suggested we go to lowes to buy the blades and fuse and then on to e-z rent and find a puller.

since i'm the older brother he bowed to me and off we went. before we could leave me mum and dad had returned and were hovering over us thanking us repeatedly for coming over to help. i repeatedly told them, "don't worry, we don't mind at all" (we really truly didn't, glad to help, hell, it's our parents....what kind of sons did you think us carter boys are?)

before we could go to lowes they made us sit down and eat a sandwich and drink a coke on them. the cokes were very cold and in aluminum cans. i don't know why but they just taste better that way.

we get the stuff at lowes and then on to rent a puller. they had about 5 different variations. at first we didn't think any of 'em would work but then we saw one that if we stopped at a hardware store and bought some long bolts and some nuts it just might work.

it wasn't easy and still took about an hour but through me and my brother's imaginative rigging we were able to pull the rear wheels. pops again with the "ya'll don't know how much we appreciate this, and i'll fix you two a steak dinner whenever you want one."

they had to leave and were going into town and would be able to drop the puller off. then we went over to my sis's house and installed the new fuse. since nothing ever goes easy we had to kind of bang the fuseholder into the fusebox. but it fixed the stove. heck, we even set the time on it.

we both drove off and i had a really good feeling about how my day had unfolded. i was truly happy that i had been able to help my mum and pop. it was good to spend time with them. i also enjoyed spending the day with my brother. two men doing manly things. busting their knuckles. you can NOT do any mechanical job like that without busting your knuckles at least once and this job was no exception.

tell you what though, my ass was sore as hell this morning. when you're an office puke like me that manual labor can put it to you. but it's a good sore. let's you know you're alive, doesn't it?

i know that as my mum and pop continue to age we'll be called on more often to help out but i don't mind. the tally sheet is still way ahead in their favor. don't know if i'll ever catch up and don't care. just happy that i can help out.

i love me mum and pop,

your friend (the devoted son)

dahbeed

flora update & dirt bowls

2006-07-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

in beed's last post approximately three years ago he promised a photo of his flora in full bloom. those jobbers are really funny. in the late evening when the sun is dropping every one of them are leaning in that direction. they look like little bocas (mouths) pleading with the sol (sun)....just one more little drink of light......pleeeeeeease!

the ones below separate beed's lawn from his neighbor's lawn. we are both careful when we mow not to cut 'em. if you notice they are not pure yellow like the ones next to beed's fence. obviously somewhere along there family tree there was an interracial marriage with some orange folks. yes, there was definately an orange-man in the woodpile. and beed is sure people whispered about it at family gatherings. they're probably accepted these days. beed don't give a rats ass who they been knocking boots with, they just add some summer color to his ojos (eyes) when he's touring the estate.

do ya'll remember this photo? it was beed's piscina (pool) after he drained it. rough as a cob, huh?

check out what a little beed elbow grease......screw dat....about 971 megajoules of beed elbow grease can accomplish. viola.....don't even look like the same place does it.

yesterday was a chillin' day for beed. he took his son miguel (michael) and his cousin guillermo (william) down to watch some dirt bowl hoops at b.g. parks and rec. we fueled up at crack-donalds for some grub and made it there before 9 'o clock.

beed's old coaching buddy had put together a team of a bunch of 8th and 7th graders that we had coached when they were 8-11 years old. all of these boys had gone on to make their middle school teams. they had a tight game but their press wore the other team down and they eventually pulled out win at the end.

it was a good time and beed hugged a bunch of kids that he hadn't seen in a little bit. yes beed got much love and it almost made him want to get back into coaching.

stayed and watched some of the big boys plays. it was pretty high level ballin' goin' on. the boys were gettin' restless so we returned to the casa and chilled a couple hours. one of the parents on the warren county southern 11-12 year old all star team had called beed friday and invited him to watch them play.

beed had coached several of these kids when they were younger and they have quite a nice team. if they can get past owensboro southern (a machine) they could easily win state and maybe do some damage in the regional.

it was steamin' hot out there but beed and the boys took the game in. they run-ruled warren county north in 4 innings. north's defense was atrocious and led to so many of the south's runs. then it was chill time back at the casa.

hope everyone is havin' a great summer. beed needs to get off his ass cuz that lawn damn sure ain't gonna cut itself today. that reminds beed of one of the funniest quotes he's seen on a myspace. one of the h.h. college posters had his quote on myspace as "i wish my lawn were emo so it would cut itself"

now beed knows that's twisted as hell and cutting oneself is not to be scoffed at but owning a college aged kid himself beed can attest to the laziness of one of these creatures and that's one of the reasons that quote is so funny to beed.

beed's casa.......literally

2006-06-23T10:19:00.000-05:00

there's a reason why the beedstah ain't been postin'. it's because he has been workin' his culo off on the casa. beed has a new digital camera and is gonna share some photos with ya. this first photo is of a bastard lily that ended up next to beed's fence that surrounds the pool.

why did beed call it a bastard lily? cuz beed has about 9 zillion of them around his fence but every one of them look like the yellow ones below. the red one is at the very end. beed don't know what transformation took place but it happened somehow. we didn't plant it. the yellow ones around the fence are in full bloom now and beed will add an updated photo of all of 'em later.

below is a recent project that beed undertook. in the corner of the beed estate the water company for whatever reason saw fit to put beed's and 3 neighbor's water meters. the only problem is 2 of 'em were completely covered with dirt.....this begs the querstion. how in the hell were those guys checkin' how much agua we been usin' with those things covered up?

anyhoo beed got out his trusty hoe (not his trusy ho', that's an entirely different post....j/k) and chopped all the grass and dirt and unearthed the two meters that had been buried alive. he then took some landscape timbers (from the sandbox that beed disassembled) and spiked them into the ground.

then he used some of that black netting that is supposed to keep any grass or weeds from growing. it looked like this.

he then took one indentured servant (miguelito) who looks like this.

and we spread river pebbles around it. it now looks like this.

beed has also been workin' his culo off on opening his pool. when he drained it it looked like the photo below. after much cleaning and scrubbing he painted it with two coats of rubber based pool paint. 65 freakin' dollars per gallon X 4 gallons thank you very much.

added a new diving board, the one in the photo was cracked. replaced all of those missing tiles and grouted the entire thing. beed will post a new photo of the finished project when he posts the new photo of the lilies.

this is a photo of his 20 year old japanese maple.....it's gorgeous. it was only about 2 feet tall when beed planted it.

here is a shot of the beed casa. notice the landscape timbers lining beed's po' white trash gravel driveway. also from the former sandbox. as you can see, beed is not just a hoops expert. he is a man of many talents. he wears many hats.

landscape timber technician, pool painter, plumber, carpenter and last but certainly not least.....female eye candy.

your buddy,

the busy one.

dahbeed.

pop ups and virus' beed hates 'em

2006-06-10T08:19:00.000-05:00

some background. beed's old computer gave up the ghost around a year and a half ago. monitor was fine, printer was fine so beed got online at work and got on bestbuy.com.

found the computer he wanted and ordered it. it would arrive the next day at the local best buy. you walk in with your confirmation emails go to the service desk and you are out of there in less than 3 minutes. it's the only way to do it.

the new computer came with some very good pop-up blockers and anti-virus s.w. from norton. as the first year wuz coming to a close it would pop up a reminder that it was nearing expiration.

bein' the procrastinater that he is beed would always click on remind me later. it got down to the last couple days and beed finally sat down and paid 80 bucks for a 2 year renewal.

beed is no techno-dweeb but he's always been pretty good at loading software. not this time. it took beed's money and downloaded the software but after repeated attempts, beed could not get the software to activate.

having a short temper at times beed just said "f' it, i'll work on it later". or get dahbicito to work on it. he is a techno-dweeb.

a couple months passed and the computer was almost rendered unusable due to pop-ups and some faggoty-assed homepage jackin' virus. every time you would kill one webpage numerous more would pop up.

so last saturday beed rolled up his sleeves (you know that ain't true cuz beed always wears sleeveless shirts in the summer to better sport his tattoo) and went to work.

FINALLY.....FINALLY was able to activate the software. did a full system scan and it had 7 worms and thousands......yes, thousands, that's right THOUSANDS of virus's. 99 percent of them were in miguelito's folders. beed made him watch them all increment as his folder was being scanned.

at the end......norton had worked it's magic and beed's computer is disease free and workin' great.

beed tries not to hate anybody. it's just such a negative emotion. but there are times where beed hopes there is a special place in hell for certain folks. for example, child molesters .....halliburton cronies, enron folks.....there should be a place in hell for them where even the devil walks in with one of those oriental fans in his hand and says "damn boys, it sho is hot in herr!!!!!!"

the people that design virus's and worms and such and homepage jackers, beed hopes there is a special place for those folks too.

beed's computer surfin' these days is kinda like drivin' in one of kramer's luxury lanes. smooth and wide open. 80 bucks for two years protection......dot ain't nuttin'!!!!

your buddy,

virus free,

dahbeed

i am a free throw machine!

2006-06-08T07:02:00.000-05:00

no, make that.....i am a free throw god!

the old basketball goal was in bad shape. the neighborhood boys and beed's sons been hoopin' it up since we opened the pool. the old backboard developed a crack in it and beed had to replace it monday.

beed hasn't shot any real hoops in a couple years so he started foolin' around shootin' some free throws after puttin' the goal up.

he hit 9 out of 10 one time but couldn't seal the deal on 10 for 10. yesterday afternoon beed wuz bustin' dahbicito's chops about shootin' freebies. we would shoot until we missed and then the other got to shoot.

beed hit 13 in a row at one point. final tally 42-50 free throws hit. 84%. not bad for a 46 year old white boy that ain't picked up a ball but a couple times in the last few years.

on the 50th attempt beed dribbled it 3 times, pulled the ball back and found the seam with his middle finger, bent his knees, cocked the ball back........looked at his son and closed his eyes and let it rip. booyah!!!!! nuttin' but net. all beed's boy could say wuz "you can be such a prick"

guilty as charged. beed don't know why he enjoys bein' "such a prick" at times but he just does. he's not that way all the time as many can attest. beed can be a very nice guy.

but it wuz fun talking trash to his 19 year old son. and it's always fun to shoot hoops even if it's on the backyard court.

congratulations graduates of 2006

2006-05-26T10:51:00.000-05:00

warren county has an alternative high school named the lighthouse academy. this school is for kids that for whatever reason have been expelled from one of the 3 warren county high schools.

it began with humble beginnings in 2002. that first class only had 6 kids graduate. the growth of the school continues each year. below is the graduating classes for each year.

2002 – 6
2003 – 32
2004 – 64
2005 – 70
2006 – 98

each one of these kids would not have a high school diploma if not for the lighthouse academy. they would be high school dropouts.

a factoid......of the 172 previous graduates 33 are now attending college, 10 are in the military and over 100 sumpin’ of them are gainfully employed now. the fact that stands out the most is that 19% are in college.

i am very thankful that there are people out there making a difference in our community like the educators that take on these challenging students and help them to a better life.

in december of 2002 my best friend of 22 died from a heart attack at 39 years of age. he had a son that was one year younger than dahbicito. i received an invitation to his graduation from the lighthouse academy.

i knew that after his dad died that he had taken it pretty hard as they were as close as me and ‘cito. i also knew he had been in trouble at school some because ‘cito always kept me up to date on him. i didn’t know he had been booted from his own school.

i went to the graduation and knew around 5 or 6 more kids that were graduating. these kids should be proud of their accomplishments. i asked my friend’s son what he was going to do now and he told me that he was going to technical college to become an x-ray tech like his dad was. i truly hope he does.

let me preface this next part by saying i am humble as hell in most aspects as i grew up pretty damn poor and feel i have been blessed by having such a good job. i truly check myself for looking down at folks as i feel that God loves them as much as he loves me....that is a fact.

but..........

i’m sorry, that gym was the biggest collection of rednecks that i’ve been around in quite some time. it felt like i had been swept up in a tornado and dropped into a skynyrd concert from hell.

some observations.

spandex......on folks that shouldn’t be wearin it.
a toddler....two-ish.....wearing camo pants and a camo tee......his momma let him run buck wild on the floor.
more than one tee-shirt with rebel flags on it.
at least 20 babies that cried the whole two hours.
true to form.....a family member or friend saw fit to pull a fire alarm.....my first thought was “yup, your ass will be graduating from lighthouse next year.” real class move.

of course the administrator asked everyone to hold their applause until a full row had received their diplomas. out of 10 in each row 7 groups of parents would respect this advice.

what about the other 3? son, they wuz red as hell with their bellowed out wooooo-hoooooieeee’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i kept expectin’ one to holler out FREE BIRD!!!!

i kept thinking, can you spell recidivism? with families and friends who obviously have no self restraint, will i be seein’ you in an orange jumpsuit picking up trash on the side of the road?

i’m sorry, i hate to judge but red is red.

i truly hope this is the first step for the kids to become productive members of society. and from the past successes these kids are certainly better off with that diploma.

can you imagine filling out a job application and having to put down that you did not graduate high school?

go ahead, flay me for looking down my rather large proboscus at certain elements of last night’s crowd.

in warren county it’s easy to insulate yourself from red. b.g. does have some sophistication to it. it’s a college town. there are lots of good jobs here so there is money. but like i told my buddy that was there. “throw a rock in any direction and you’ll be able to find red, it’s out there whether you run in it or not”

your friend,

the elitist,

dahbeed.

ramblings.............what else does beed do?

2006-05-20T16:14:00.000-05:00

man, da beedstah been doin' evahthin' but write on his blog and he also believes there will be an all points bulletin issued via h.h. investigating whether beed has been whisked away to the state mental hospital in hop angeles and is curled up on the floor in the fetal position babbling in ebonics and espanol.

no such luck kiddies. beed is alive and well......as well as a 46 year old man with a shaved head that has abused his body can be in. actually in bettah shape than some time. still workin' the barbells and growin' portabello mushroom sized biceps.

speakin' of portabello mushrooms. it's summer time and that means it's grillin' time and your grill is not just for ribeye steaks and burgers. here's the recipe. go to the store and buy some portabello mushrooms. you can get the big dogs or the baby bellas (beed's biceps ARE already bigger than the baby bellas).

get out your extra virgin olive oil and if you don't have some in your cabinet beed hereby dubs you as a hacker, a can't hang, a never was. anyone that enjoys fine dining damn sure bettah have some evoo in their kitchen.

pour some in your hand and start rubbing it into the mushroom cap. don't worry about it takin' so much to coat it. it sucks that oil in faster than a crack ho' hittin' the pipe for the first buzz of the day. flip it ovah and coat the stem also.

now use salt and GROUND PEPPER (if you didn't have the evoo, you ain't gonna have this so that's 2 strikes, don't make beed send your asses to the food network corner and stick your nose in it. speaking of that, and this is titled ramblings......beed can honest to God remember exactly what the cheap ass wallpaper in our houses growing up smelled like as lesser infractions that didn't deserve an ass-whippin, belt or switch style were dealt with by a sentance to go stand in the corner.....STICK YOUR DAMN NOSE IN IT BOY!!!)

after you've salted and peppered them they are ready for the grill. cook them on a medium heat for about ten minutes. if your grill has an upper shelf, cook them on that. just plop them on their cap. watch the underside of the cap. some of the oil will work it's way through the cap and when it does, they are done. that or the ten minute rule, either one works.

they are mother-f'in dee-licious. beed's two boys, who THOUGHT they hated mushrooms absolutely love papi's grilled portabellos.

beed spent two days in louieeee-ville this week for a big district meeting. they have these a couple times a year and beed has been to many of them. most of the presentations are as fun as having the family jewels put into a vise and having your most sadistic enemy in charge of crankin' it in. it was no different this time.

you do get a chance to network (italics for you know who) with the big muckety-mucks. beed got face time with the two biggest execs in our district and since they are both womans (vulnerable to beed's charisma and charm......oh, it's very real folks.....don't scoff and shake your doubting heads) beed left them with very favorable impressions of that man down in bowling green. at least that is what they told beed's plant manager.

we stayed at the brown hotel. beed tries to keep humble but like he told a friend, that damn hotel isn't made to help keep your ego in check. it may very well have been the best bed that beed has evah slept on. huge room. very old but very well done.

more ramblings. listening to some public radio this afternoon beed heard two performers whose voices he rates at the very top of the chart. first was patsy cline doing "sweet dreams of you". God beed loves patsy's voice. if beed had to pick one word to describe patsy cline's voice the word he would pick would be "sultry", you may disagree but beed don't give a shit cuz this is his blog and he gets to pick and choose the palabras he wants to use and you don't get to edit it out. one more time so there is no question "sultry".

the next song was "dream baby" by roy orbison. if beed had to pick one word to describe roy's voice it would be "soulful" beed remembers hearing one time that elvis presley said that roy had the greatest voice he had ever heard and he was the king's favorite singer. 'nuff said!

that's enough rambling for one blog. a recipe, a story on beed sucking up to powerful womans and some music knowledge you should file away and take to heart.

your friend,

still alive and kicking,

tha' motherf'in beedstah (beed tole ya'll a long time ago he likes to cuss, he warned ya')

p.s. beed forgot to add this first time around. he wuz surfin' the cable this morning and stopped on E! no, beed didn't stop for another whitney houston interview. there was a beautiful young blond on there doing stand up. she was flat out funny as hell!!!!!! her stand up was great but her skits were absolutely hilarious also.

few folks get beed to laugh out loud but this little hottie did it. beautiful and funny, who gives a shit if she can cook? beed don't. he fell in love for the 9 millionth time. if you get a chance to see her show on saturday mornings don't miss it. her name is chelsea handler and spare beed any criticism for not knowing who she was.....beed's a letterman man, not a leno man. beed did find out through googling her that she has worked on leno. enjoy!

ahhhh......music to my ears

2006-05-11T10:39:00.000-05:00

as many dark evil things that man is capable of.......and we are capable of plenty from child molestation to strapping dynamite to ones chest and killing innocents, i am always reminded of the good we are capable of by the arts.

i love athletics. i loved playing them growing up, and still love to shoot a little hoop now and then. i love attending athletic events. but one of my truest of true loves has always been music.

i can’t play it for shit. i do own a very nice guitar that i bought around 27 years ago and learned how to play several different chords and learned to finger pick pretty good but i have no f’in rhythm. i believe people are born with different gifts. some folks have the gift of music.......i don’t.

i pretty much love all genres of music. the reason i bring up music is that miguelito, my 7th grader of a son is in the chorus at his middle school. tuesday night the drakes creek middle school music department put on their spring concert.

dahbicito, my college age son played snare drum when he was in middle school so i had been to a couple of these things before. the band teacher, mrs. smalling does a great job with her charges. the 7th grade band was a little rough but the 8th grade band was outstanding.

i love watching someone do something they love. i don’t give a shit if it’s someone digging a hole, if they love it, i enjoy watching. mrs. smalling LOVES her job. and it’s a better world for it.

i enjoyed how serious she was while conducting and the smile she kept the whole time. you could really see how proud she was of her kids. and i enjoy the thought of how hard these kids worked on their newfound craft and got to show it off for their parents and grandparents.

the place was packed too. parent involvement has never been a problem whether it was when we were at alvaton, cumberland trace or briarwood elementary schools nor at d.c.m.s. or greenwood high school.

onto miguelito’s part. he tried snare drum in the 5th grade but wouldn’t stick with it. but he loves to sing. and the music teacher at briarwood is simply outstanding. i was amazed at what she accomplished with children that young.

so miguelito joined chorus this year. i had already seen them perform when they performed at van meter auditorium at western. they were awesome in that setting. now a middle school gym doesn’t quite have the acoustics that van meter has but it was still great.

it does my heart good to see all those good looking young men and ladies in their fine looking black and red robes. if you follow the news all you hear about is how bad kids are cuz bad news sells. but there a ton of really good kids out there.

a unique thing about the d.c.m.s. choir is that their accompaniests are all students. mrs. lanham said they were probably the only middle school in kentucky where they don’t use adults on the piano.

the first boy has music in his genes as his father is the music director for one of the largest churches in b.g.

here’s some insight into how twisted dahbicito is (he gets it naturally, fo’ shizzle). after the first pianist finished a young asian boy sat down at the piano. dahbicito leans over to me and whispers “whyyyyyy does it have to be an asian?” not mean at all, just laughing at stereotypes.

to make it even better, when he got finished i leaned over to ‘cito and whispered “look who is replacing him” it was a pretty young asian girl. i love it when things line up like that. it means there is some order in this chaotic world. some.....things are as they should be.

to whomever reads this. there is not a racist or xenophobic bone in my body. i truly mean that from the depths of my heart. but i am damn sure not blind enough to not recognize that there is some basis for stereotypes. i know that is not the politcally correct thing to say but who gives a shit. there are only a few that read my blog and they all know my heart pretty well by now.

on the casa front. the dreaded gum maples are down. they’ve been cut and hauled off. i have leveled out the ground. i have sown grass seed. i have put down straw. i have started pressure washing every inch of my concrete. i drained the pool last night. i have ordered a new diving board for the pool. i have turned into a f’in home improvement machine. tim taylor can’t touch my f’in jockstrap. i mean business. and i ain’t kiddin’ neither (a line from tombstone for any tombstone afficianado).

your buddy,

the arts lover,

dahbeed.

a southern man to the bones.....beed

2006-05-08T09:06:00.000-05:00

beed was born and spent his first five years in flarda.....that's how people down there used to say it.

so beed has always considered himself a southerner at heart. much more so than these kain-tuckians he's surrounded by. not that kain-tuckians are a bad thing. but in beed's humble o-pin-eeeon they are not truly southerners.

kain-tuckians are more moderate by nature. hell, we couldn't even make up our mind at all during the war of northern aggression.....hehe, that's what southerners called the civil war anyhoo.

beed's great grandma told him he had family members fight on both sides. she said some of our families had brothers fighting for different sides.

can you imagine that? you join one army and your brother is fighting for the other side. what the hell happens if by some strange twist of fate you both end up at the same battle? do you shoot at your brother? beed cannot imagine doing that no matter how impassioned he felt on an issue.

anyhoo, beed digresses. beed can cook the hell out of some southern food. growing up pretty po' means that we ate freakin' beans every single night. pinto beans....the poor man's meat. oh yeah, we ate the hell out of some yardwalker too. that's southern for chicken in case ya' didn't know.

yesterday beed fixed a large pot of pinto beans to which he added two packages of ham pieces. son, if beed hadn't fixed anything else that in itself was a meal. beed also taught miguelito how to cook mashed potatoes.

miguelito wanted to help peel the potatoes so beed tried to show him how. since beed cannot turn off his competitiveness he can turn potato peeling into bloodsport. miguel only peeled dos (2) taters to beed's diez (10) taters.

it was total annihilation. of course beed only has about 38 years of peelin' experience on miguel so the results should have been expected. then beed grilled out some center cut pork tenderloin.

you could almost cut that swine with a fork. let's see, ham pieces in the beans, pork tenderloin as the main course.....the honorable elijah mohammed would have been very disappointed in dahbeed yesterday.

the last thing beed cooked and it was because it cooks the fastest was a big old head of cabbage. and since beed fixed enough of everything to feed an army, we are set for supper again tonight.

man beed loves homemade mashed potaters. get those f'in flakes away from him. they can do in a pinch but there is no comparison. the only thing missin' was a big ole glass of sweet tea.

one of beed's litmus tests on bein' southern or not is on how you eat your grits. if you put cream and sugar on them like they are cream of wheat or oatmeal then in beed's book you are yankee by nature.

if you slather them with butter, salt and pepper and pour them over the top of your over easy eggs and chop them all up into one big mess, then by the power vested in beed you are a southerner.

beed ate that combination every morning of his childhood. and still loves to fix it that way on some saturday mornings. that shit will stick to your ribs all morning long.

on the casa front, the tree cuttin' down folks are supposed to come out to the casa today and cut down those 3 gum maples that beed hates. no more spikey little balls will be dropped on the beed front lawn. beed will be sowing some grass where those muthas used to be as soon as the stump grinder downer guy gets out to get rid of the stumps.

beed already sowed some seed in some bald spots of the lawn and covered it with straw so beed has been gussyin' up the joint. next major project to be done at the end of this mez (month) is to drain the pool, repaint it and get it ready for the summer season.

so much work to do and only one beed to do it. ouch!

your buddy,

the gussy upper,

dahbeed.

let the mexicans do it!

2006-05-04T06:46:00.000-05:00

if you know beed at all you know he ain't no xenophobe. beed is a world traveller and has seen how blessed he is to live in the united states. as poor as central america is.....and it is. it can't hold a candle to the poverty beed saw in egypt and kenya.

beed has often wondered why he was LUCKY enough to be born in this country. beed grew up very poor but not to the level of poor that he has witnessed. beed had a good brain housing group and was able to use the marine corps to receive electronics training that led to a great, well paid job.

how many kids all over the world have a good brain housing group but don't have the opportunities to improve their lot in life due to the corruption of their government or the lack of opportunity to climb out of their poverty?

anyhoo, yesterday, beed took a half day off and went home to work in the yard. there is a 10' by 12' area that used to be the boy's sandbox. there was a tower with a slide but that stuff is long gone.

beed loves homegrown tomatoes but has never grown any himself. he has always relied on his neighbors to keep him in fresh tomatoes. so beed says he's gonna grow some this year in that former sandbox.

the problem is that is was overgrown with grasses and weeds. beed has no tiller so he got his hoe, his mattock (pick-axe to some), his rake and shovel and went to work. choppin' and diggin' and pullin' by hand.

now beed has been working out lately and is in the best shape he has been in, in years. it still kicked his pansy ass. that is why beed titled this "let the mexicans do it!" beed thought about all the mexicans and central americans his age using a damn hoe all day.

all these people posturing and saying the immigrants are taking jobs that we would do are full of SHIT. they ain't taking a job that beed would want to do. would beed do it if that is what it took to feed his family? yes, but that is the only way.

beed ain't no puss, but given the choice to do what he does for a living or working in a field all day......it's a no brainer.

back on task. beed got about 70% done yesterday and will finish up today or tomorrow. and those freakin' tomatoes better turn out damn good. beed plans on planting some plants in weekly intervals for the next 3 weeks so they don't all come in at the same time.

miguelito is wanting one row for him to grow some watermelons. that's cool. we'll see how beed's first garden turns out.

later,

your friend the farmer,

dahbeed appleseed.

things you can do....at 2:10 a.m.

2006-05-02T06:42:00.000-05:00

clean out your freezer. i mean reeeeaaaaalllllyyyyyy clean it out.

the eyeballs popped open zombie style at 2:00 this morning. i tried to go back to sleep but after 10 minutes of flopping gave up the ghost and got the hell up.

went downstairs, opened the freezer to get some ice for a glass of coke and realized there were not any cubes. just a frozen mass in the bottom of the icemaker. this has happened before and i am always the one that cleans it.

so i get a big knife and start chopping. i finally broke enough out to be able to pull the whole assembly out and run hot water over it.

i look at the rest of the freezer and it looks like a post nuclear war frozen tundra. it's a nice kenmore side by side. so i proceed to pull everything out and clean it up.

down at the bottom there is a frozen mass under a drawer. i finally break the drawer loose and get it out. the big knife does wonders. i start running hot water over the frozen mass that i have put into the sink.

there were all kinds of goodies in there. it was kind of a food version of encino man but there was no brendan fraser shaped bag of nuts at the bottom. after melting every bit of ice i found i used a towel to dry everything off and re-inserted 90% of the items back in the freezer.

the other 10% went into the shitcan.

i wrote a really long blog on friday and was ready to post it and then i stupidly thought, i'll add a picture to the post. and dumbass me did not copy and paste the post to word before i went down that suicidal lane of add photo. bad idea.....f'in lockup time. i really gave it forever to right the ship but blogger was having no part of it.

had a pretty good weekend and got much done around the house.

left for work this morning right before 5:00 and it was literally raining hell outside. mi gato, smokey had wanted out a little earlier and when i left, his ass was wet as hell and he wanted back into the casa. i unlocked the door and laughed at him and let him back in as a wet cat is fo' damn sho' a funny sight.

there was actually some very small hail hitting the ground whilst i drove to work. thank god for the new rubber on my whip. the new kumhos were scoffing at the rain piled across cemetery road. they made short work of it and i arrived safely at my place of employ.

i know this is boring as shit, who gives a shit what dahbeed does at 2:10 in the a.m. i just thought i'd drop a line and say hola.

talked to a honduran friend the other night and he might be hookin' me and my bud that wanted to go to buenos aires up with a cheap flight to the island of roatan. it would be the end of this month.

the water off roatan is second to none in the world. the folks are laid back and you can eat lobster very cheaply every single night as they have a ton of lobster boats there. i'm 50/50 on it right now. if i go, i will have some good stories as i always have a good time in central america.

your buddy,

the defroster,

dahbeed.

fock.......another gut shot.

2006-04-27T07:53:00.000-06:00

i was dialed into our district telecon this morning getting ready to participate with all the other plants. we do this every morning at 7:30. the maintenance manager was in my office as he has to participate in it also.

there was a page for him to pick up a call. since my phone was tied up he went to the office next door to pick up the call.

he came back to my office and said "that was ken xxxxxx's wife, she said he had a siezure last night so they rushed him to the medical center. they've done a mri and there is some kind of mass on his brain".

i actually felt like i had been punched in the stomach. i used to work with this man when i was in maintenance. i see him every day on the floor. and he's one of the finest people i've ever met. not only is he one of our best employees in the building he's a great guy.

he's very witty and never passes you without coming up with something just funny as hell. i truly hope and pray that this is not something serious but all i could think of was, not again, not f'in again.

back when i was still in maintenance i had a friend named mark. he was one of our building equipment mechanics. just like ken, a truly all around great, funny, witty guy. one day his wife called us and told us the same thing, he had a siezure and in his case they found an inoperable brain tumor.

to our maintenance manager and plant manager's credit, even when mark got to the point where he could no longer drive, they would let me bring him to work and then let him chill all day so they could keep a paycheck coming in until it got to the point that it was too dangerous for him to be here.

it hurt when we lost him. i think of him often. we were the same age and both had grown up with very similar life experiences. so often when someone passes on people will say, "he was a great guy" even if he was the biggest asshole you ever met. in mark's case it was true. he was a great guy.

the same goes for ken. he is a great guy and i hope and pray that he will come out of this okay. i don't know what else to say. i am gonna stop up at the medical center on my way home today and check in on him. don't really know what to say when i get there except i hope everything will turn out okay.

when my brother was dying of cancer he told me "david, grandpa used to tell me, if you have your health, you have everything. i never really understood what he meant until now" no truer words have ever been spoken.

no matter how crappy you think your life is, if you have good health, you should dance a little jig every day.

your buddy,

dahbeed.

long days indeed

2006-04-26T14:11:00.000-06:00

it's around 3:15 and i've been here since 4:30 so i think it's okay for me to head out.

had a load of dense grade gravel dropped off today. a poor mans driveway. i get to go home and spread it. i'm goin' hog-wild on this manual labor shit and have the blisters to prove it.

between that and pumping my dumbells every time i want some toooooo-bacccooooo my biceps are turning into miniature little guns. just little cap pistols for right now. you rember cap pistols? the little red rolls of caps that you would use a rock to blow them up when the cap pistol wouldn't work anymore.

so let's call them pistolitas. beed's pistolitas.

i'm headin' to krrrrrrrooooooggggeeeeeerrrrrs to get some italian sausages to grill out when i get done with the gravel work. i might even do some pressure washing of my concrete up front when i finish the gravel.

so much work to do. but then again, i might just go home and pour a big glass of pinot grigio and settle in for some vegging on the couch. condray my brutha, you should see my dreams when i drink pinot grigio. they is wild as hell homie. the only thing that keeps me from becoming a pinot grigio wino.

i did get my new kumhos mounted on my whip yesterday and the maxima just glides now. it's like i'm driving in luxury lanes jerry........luxury lanes!

seeya.

el idiota del pueblo,

dahbeed pistolitas.

craftsmen.......beed could watch 'em work all day

2006-04-25T09:14:00.000-06:00

beed loves to watch anyone that is good at their craft. back in the day when beed did honest work for a living as an electronics technician, he was very good at his craft.

he had spent most of his adult life working on electronics and mail sorting machines. in reality, electronics fail rarely. they do fail but it is usually the mechanical things that break. and beed was good. he could just as easily change out bearings, rebuild a feed section or pull out an oscilloscope and perform an alignment on a greyscale camera.

he does miss the old troubleshooting days at times. it was always a feeling of satisfaction when night shift would write up a work order on a piece of equipment that was acting hinky during the run shift and beed would go out there with his schematics and flowcharts and find out what was causing a problem.

we had a problem on a machine that lifts the image of a mailpiece. beed had aligned the camera and tried everything he could to fix it. it was occasionally stretching and bending an image. it didn't happen all the time. those are the toughest ones to fix. if it would just break it would be much easier to find.

we had a helpdesk we could escalate a problem we could not solve to. they would get some super-et to call you back and he would suggest you look at this board or that board or this power supply or that power supply. beed would never call until he had exhausted everything.

on this particular problem the super-et kept axing beed if he had checked out this. "yup" did you check out that? "yup". after about 30 minutes of this the super-et told beed "hell, man, you've tried everything i would have done, if you find out what is causing it, make sure you call me back and tell me what it was, so i can file it away for the future".

beed is competitive as hell and hates for any machine to whip his ass. so he was driving down lovers lane and was still trying to figure out what in the hell could be causing only occasional images to bend. all of our machines have a bunch of digital tachometers on them so the machine can keep track of where a mailpiece is at all times.

beed had hooked up an o'scope to every tach on the machine and every single one of them were shooting out a beautiful 5 volt square wave. but driving down lovers lane beed knew it had to be one of the tachs acting up. the next morning beed went straight out to the machine and went to the tach associated with the camera.

the tachs are coupled to a roller above by a small rubber tube that looks like lawn mower gas line. beed put a good light on the coupling and turned the roller by hand. sure enough, the tube had dry rotted and had developed a small diagonal crack in it that would occasionally open up when being spinned. that would jack the square wave up momentarily and cause the image to bend. beed was elated. he changed out the coupling and it fixed the machine.

enough about beed. he wants to talk about a craftsman he met yesterday. beed needed new gutters for his casa. he called two in the phone book and the first one was out of business and the second one said we don't do gutters anymore. so beed looked in services offered in the want ad section of the daily news and found someone that would come out and shoot beed an estimate.

this kid looked to be in his late twenties and told beed he could do them for 2.50 a running foot (as opposed to a walking foot?). beed said, "do it homie". he promised beed he would be out his casa around 5 on monday evening.

homie didn't make it until around 5:45 but got right to work after beed showed him where he wanted the downspouts. beed watched the kid work as beed was still doing some yardwork himself. he watched just how meticulous that this kid was.

beed knew that there was no way in hell he could finish the job up last night. the boy was starting to lose his light and beed watched to see if he was gonna get in a hurry and try to cram at the end and finish up. but he didn't. he stayed meticulous as hell.....measuring it once, measuring it twice and installing it with care and precision.

this impressed the shit out of beed as so many contractors these days are just there to make the quick buck and move on to the next job. not this kid. he finally knocked on the front door and said "i'm sorry but i'm going to have to come back to finish these last two. it's just too dark and i don't want them to be hung poorly".

he only had a little bit left so beed said "well go ahead and give me the total and i'll go ahead a pay you now, i trust you to come back, i've watched your work and i know you'll do right".

he would have none of it. "no sir, i won't take anything until i have the job finished right". so beed thanked him for what he had done and axed him if he had any cards so beed could put 'em on the bulletin boards at work. he was all to happy to oblige as a lot of these guys get a lot of their business by word of mouth and reccomendations.

so if you need some gutter work done around b.g. you just axe beed and he will put you on to a kid that really does a good job.

your friend,

the tradesman (formerly),

dahbeed.

grand moff beed.....the big kahuna

2006-04-24T07:59:00.000-06:00

the big cheese. numero uno. el presidente. whatever you call the guy who is ballin' and shot callin'.

beed was talking to his plant manager last week and was sure he told beed that he would be in d.c. for some training beginning may 1st.

so beed woke up early again today and was at work by 4:30. one of the night shift guys stops in beed's office and says so it's bta this week huh? bta is an acronym we made up when beed worked as an electronics technician.

whenever our supervisor was off for a day we called it bta...short for better than annual (leave). all the advantages of a vacation day without having to use any of your vacation time up. it eventually jumped from the maintenance department to become part of the floor lexicon. now everyone knows what bta is.

back to the question. beed said what do you mean? him "the boss is in d.c. this week, you're in charge". beed "unh unh, that's next week" him "are you sure, that's not what the email said".

beed "forward it to me" here is what was in the email and beed did not change the format at all. this is a copy and paste. "NEXT WEEK WHILE I AM IN POTOMAC, MD OSS DAVID CARTER WILL BE IN CHARGE OF THIS FACILITY UNTIL MONDAY MAY 1, 2006. ANY INQUIRES SHOULD BE DIRECTED TOWARDS HIM IN MY ABSENCE."

don't know why he shouted it but he does that for effect sometimes. good thing that beed was wide awake and ready to take the helm. beed knows that he will now be hit up several times with "hey, can i waive my lunch and work a straight 8?". they always do it when the plant manager is gone cuz they know that numma 2 is more lenient than numma 1.

anyhoo, it is mellower when beedster is in charge. and he don't mind doing it for short stretches but does not want to do it all summer. my boy told me he has 4 weeks he'll be gone in the next couple months so beed will have to be here for all of them.

hey, if ya'll see beed comin' you might wanna step aside. he's carryin' the big stick with him this week.

your new boss,

dahbeed ewing.

andy dick is funny as hell

2006-04-23T09:57:00.000-06:00

i've liked this idiot all the way back to his news radio days which was an excellent show with phil hartman and joe rogan among others. way under rated in my humble opinion.

anyhoo, someone sent me an email with a funny site and i found this video by andy dick and it is hilarious. click aqui ---> make me laugh andy

the miraculous human body

2006-04-23T04:01:00.000-06:00

yes, we know beed has a miraculous bod but that is not the reason for the title.

as beed has alluded to in an earlier post he has been trying to change some bad habits. one was tobacco, nuff said. beed has battled that addiction since he was 13 years old and has beat it back many times for years at a time only to return to his old friend when under too much stress.

he is using the gum to get off it once more. he has been off of big tobacco for over a week now. beed will eventually taper off the gum. here is his mad method of getting off the gum. taper down to where he only uses it after meals.....a typical time for tobacco. then when he gets an urge he lifts these 20 pound dumbells he keeps in his office and at home.

just a couple sets of curls and overhead presses and lunges until the urge goes away. and it does if you lift enough to fight it away. the side benefit of that is that you start to get in better physical conditioning also.

the other habit he is fighting and he pretty much has it beat as it is the 2 week mark on that one is a prescription he has been taking for 4 years for his knees and elbow. it is a nsaid (non-steroidal anti inflammatory drug). doesn't give you a buzz but works miracles on bad knees.

back when beed's doc prescribed it for him he was hoopin' for two different teams. one in church league and one in industrial league. beed also worked out on the floor in a job where he was on his feet pretty much all day with a lot of bending and squatting and whatnot.

right now he is doing neither of them. not hooping, and since he is in management now the only muscle he stresses is his ass or his scroll finger from his computer mouse. so beed says, hell, i'll just stop taking them. after two sleepless nights of thrashing about beed googles the drug name and adds withdrawals to the search.

holy shit batman!!! the web articles beed read says that the withdrawal symptoms mirror and are as extreme as opiate withdrawals. says beed should have spoke to his doc about it and tapered down. too late for that. beed wasn't about to see his doc and start tapering down after he already had 2 days under his belt.

needless to say, if you've been reading beed lately, he has been waking up around 2:30 to 3:00 every morning zombie style and been unable to return to sleep. so he has just been going in to work early and knocking out mad amounts of tasks since at 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning beed is the only person there in the front hallway. it's amazing how much work you can get done when uninterrupted.

today beed actually slept until 4:00 so maybe his body is adjusting itself. and that brings us back to why beed used the title above. even after years of abuse, his body is bouncing back quickly with this new regimen.

you already know beed has been doing a hanz and franz mini workout to fight his urges. he has also been doing a lot of manual labor at the casa. several years ago beed built this huge sandbox so he could install a slide for his boys. beed built it out of landscape timbers and used these ridiculously long pole barn nails to hold it together.

there is no longer a need for it so beed decided to disassemble it and use the timbers in another project. trust the beedster on this one. there is NO easy f'in way to pull those jobbers apart when you have driven the spikes that beed used.

here is how you do it. you take a straight claw hammer and use another hammer (of course beed has two hammers, he practically built his own house) to drive the strait claw in between two timbers. that lifts the top timber just enough for you to drive a crowbar under the end of the timber.

no easy way to do the next part. just good old back-breaking labor yanking on that crowbar to lift the top timber a bit more, say an inch off the bottom one. then you pull the crowbar out and jam this big spud bar up in there. it's the simple laws of leverage being employed. the spud bar is much longer than the crowbar so you get more bang for you buck, or in this case for your back.

beed even gave his spud bar an affectionate nickname since it was helping beed kick so much landscape timber ass. beed bestowed "big papi" on the spud bar. it took beed two full afternoons to fully disassemble said sandbox. there were timbers strown all ovah the back yard.

since beed woke up at 3:00 saturday morning when 7:00 rolled around he was primed for more manual labor. he put on his work clothes and boots and headed out to the back yard for more grunt work. he truly hopes his neighbors ain't too mad at him for all the racket he was making with his hammers.

those pole barn nails (spikes in reality) are too long to try to pull from the timbers so what beed did was drive them flush then he would turn the timber over to break the spike off flush on the other side. you use a pair of vise grips for this job. latching in on the spike about a quarter inch above the timber and then just bending the spike back and forth until it breaks. sometimes it's 4 times, sometimes 20.

after de-spikefying all of the timbers beed laid them all out on his basketball court. time to bring out one of the favorite implements beed has ever purchased......the pressure washer. beed has a 6.5 horsepower pressure washer that kicks ass. beed will soon use it to clean every square inch of concrete that beed owns (it's a bunch). but saturday it was called upon to clean up the timbers. and it did an awesome job.

todays project is to use those timbers to line his driveway. it's just a gravel driveway. one of these years beed will get it paved but not yet. beed is gonna dig a trench where the timbers have a little over half exposed. then one day next week beed will have a load of dense grade gravel delivered to the beed casa and beed will rake it smooth and bring it flush to the timbers.

sure, it will be just one more thing that beed has to weed eat against but it should look better than the setup that beed has now.

and this morning beed is sore as hell. all over his body sore. but it is a damn good feeling sore too. it's a sore that lets you know that you are still alive and getting in better shape as the soreness subsides. between the lifting of weights and all of the manual labor beed has been doing his body is getting in the best shape it has been in some time. and it feels good.

it was beed's new years resolution to get off of big tobacco and quit taking his nsaids. would late april still count as a successful new years resolution? some of us are just slower than others at getting things done.

but beed feels good about it and good about himself. but then again, when has beed not felt good about himself? it's one of the reasons you guys love him. everybody loves a confident person and beed has usually had that in spades. hopefully by the time hoops season rolls around and you see the beedstah again he will be in much better physical condition than he was this last year.

no promises but right now that's the plan.

your friend,

the mexican general

manuel dahbeed lahbor.

wtf.....someone splain this to beed

2006-04-21T07:57:00.000-06:00

the photo you see above is the 225/50WR17 Kumho ECSTA ASX. now beed researches the internet before he buys anything. and he did some surfing on some maxima sites where many folks said these kumhos are great replacement tires for the bridgestone potenzas that came on the car.

supposedly much quieter than the potenzas and just as good in the performance department. anyhoo, beed's potenzas are about as bald as his head. bald on beed's head looks good, bald on beed's tires don't look good at all. it actually looks pretty scary when there's a storm brewing on the horizon.

so beed breaks down and goes to sears. he knows a guy there and always uses him so he can get the points or whatever sears uses that they don't call a commission even tho' that's what it is.

beed axes "how much to put me in a set of kumhos?" him: clacking away on his keyboard, and isn't clacking one of those words that sounds like what it is? "umm, with road hazard $1,139.03, each tire is 214 dollars" beed: "screw me with a red hot poker next time, i don't believe i can commit to this right now" him: "we'll be here" beed: in his mind "hell yeah but not with any of beed's cheddah"

so beed goes home and gets on the internet. he had found this place before where their prices can't be beat. it's a place called tire rack dot com. beed clacks in the pertinent info such as make and model and year and it spits out all kinds of tires beed can outfit his pimp ass whip with. most importantly it spits out the kumho ecstas. dare you guess what they wanted for them. beed want you to close your eyes and pick out a number between one and one googol. after you have the number look at the next paragraph.

eighty-eight frickin' dollars apiece. with 44 dollars shipping added on the grand total is 396.12. then beed has to pay kentucky tire exchange to mount and balance them. that will hit around a hundred bucks but beed's maxima will soon be wearin' new sneaks and for 600 dollars less than sears wanted.

these are the exact same tires too. not factory seconds or blemished. the same frickin tire and one place wants 214 and another place wants 99 when you include shipping. thank God for the internet.

beed's eyes are still popping open zombie style at 2:30 every morning no matter what time he goes to bed. he put it to good use this morning. went in to work early and am leaving early today.

your buddy,

dahbeed andretti.

painful as hell.

2006-04-19T19:29:00.000-06:00

if you read beed's earlier post you would know that he had to attend a funeral today of a 16 year old kid that took his own life at the end of a rifle.

you also know that beed knows this family. we arrived at the church a little before 12 but they were already letting people in. we got in the line to talk to the family. what in the hell do you say to someone that just lost their son, brother at his own hands?

you just hug them and say "i'm sorry, i can't imagine" and you choke back the sobs so you won't add to their pain.

since we got there so early we had a two hour wait before the funeral started. beed is a people watcher if anything and saw so many things play out that he wouldn't dream of sharing on something like this.

the non stop line of other kids, high school kids who were his classmates and a bunch of kids that were his brother's friends just made beed's heart break.

for many of these kids, this is the first person that they have lost. beed was blessed when he was young as he didn't lose any family members until his great grandfather passed when beed was 15. but that wasn't like one of my friends taking his own life. he was 92.

the two pastors that did the funeral said that the boy, his brother and their father were all baptized on Christmas day 2005. what a treat that was. they showed video of it.

there was much crying and weeping today but what do you expect when we lose one this young? it's been a long day....beed has been up since 2:30 and it is now 8:38. very tired and hoping his eyes won't zombie on him at 2:30 tomorrow.

beed has spoke to dahbicito several times today and noticed that at the end of every call he said "i love you". he usually never adds that to a phone call in front of his friends even though papi always closes a phone call with "i love you". this really affected dahbicito. that poor little fella has lost more than one mentor and friend in his short 19 years.

it felt good to hug the family members today and hope that the healing touch of human interaction would work it's magic. as human beings we crave human touch. it reassures us so.

i promise i am not trying to be morbid. i am sharing an experience that made me feel as raw as an open cut. again, if you pray......say one for this family for if there is a family in bowling green tonight that needs it, it is them.

your friend,

david.

beed is back!

2006-04-19T05:09:00.000-06:00

beed is alive and kicking. he has not been holed up in an opium den in bangkok thailand.....as tempting as that sounds.

last week beed spent each day mentoring a young man from london kentucky. beed actually chaired the selection committee that put this young man in his job. he's a.j. squared away. he's gonna be a good one. he cares about doing a good job and he's smart so he'll pick up things fast.

beed has one manager under him and we split the duties that are required of our section. we also back each other's job up when one is off. the man from london, let's call him toby, will be required to do both of our jobs so he was back and forth in our offices trying to learn as much as possible in one week.

beed really came to like him in his week here in b.g. he's definitely gonna be an asset to our organization and it's going to be fun to watch him learn.

it's funny, beed and greg got their jobs 2 and 1/2 years ago. there were two ladies we had on speed dial and whenever we ran into something we were lost on we would call them up. now we are the ones that other people call. the sme's (subject matter experts). and both of us are very happy to help the new guys out as we both experienced the angst of not knowing what the hell we were doing.

another reason beed hasn't written is he's kind of hit a writing wall. plus beed has beed trying to break a couple of bad habits. and his body is taking it kind of hard. no matter if beed goes to bed at 9 or 11, around 2:55 beed's eyeballs pop open like a zombie in a cheap black and white b movie. it's no use to even try and lay there and get back to sleep.

so beed just takes a long hot shower or long hot bath and then goes into work. beed tried to watch t.v. how many times can you watch infomercials hawking something you would never dream of buying. beed has to admit the girls gone wild video informercials do stir him a bit but there ain't shit on tv at 3:00 am.

onto something completely different. and tragic.

yesterday dahbicito called me at work and said one of his friends younger brother was missing and everyone was worried about him as he had made some very scary statements.

i've known this friend of david since he was 9 years old and had him on my baseball team when he was 10. i had drafted him because he was david's friend.

saturday me and my boys were doing yardwork and michael asked if we could have a campfire. i told him sure. david asked if his friends could come out. i told him of course.

my sons have pitiful fire building skillzzzz and i have great ones so i took their puny fire and built it into a damn fine one. david's friend and i sat in a couple of lawn chairs next to the fire and just bullshitted like two guys will do. it's funny to watch the kids you coached as little boys turn into young men.

anyway, david called me back and said they had found the boy and he had taken his own life with a gun. the boy that i sat with saturday night found his brother before anyone else did. i still cry when i think of a 16 year old that would take his own life leaving behind a family and friends crushed by his decision.

i cry for his brother that will have that image forever stamped in his brain.

visitation is at hillvue heights church from 12:00 to 2:00 today with the funeral following immediately. my whole family will be going. i did take this opportunity to emphasize with both of my sons that no matter how bad you think things are there is never a reason to take your own life. it is too precious and every second should be treasured.

i look out the window and it is raining and it looks like the tears of God coming down to lament this loss. they match my own tears as i type this.

if you pray at all, say a prayer for this family.

your friend,

david.

another reason i love western.

2006-04-11T10:57:00.000-06:00

most of you know the reason i love western so much is because of the athletics teams that western has fielded over the years. they have given me much joy, plenty of pain, but they have always been MY TEAM.

but they are by no means the only reason i love western. last night miguelito stuck a consent form in my face so he could take a field trip to a massage parlor and see what really goes on at the “osaka oriental spa”.

actually that’s where i just got back from and i feel so relaxed now. and for some damn reason i have a urge for a smoke.

the consent form was so drakes creek middle school could transport him and a whole herd of other pubescent teenagers to van meter auditorium for a choral competition.

so i get to work this morning and i get a call on my cellio from a number i don’t recognize. normally i won’t answer a number i don’t recognize. i feel if it’s important they will leave a voice mail. that way i can screen whoever i want to talk to. don’t come down on me for that, you guys do it too, dahbeed is just the only person stupid enough to admit to doing shit like that.

but this time i answer it with a tepid “hello”. it’s miguelito....”ummm dad, umm mrs. l needs to talk to you. i’m already thinkin’ “what in the hell kind of trouble can you already be in at 7:15”. she informs me that miguelito can’t seem to locate his consent form and if i’ll give her a verbal yes over the phone she can take him. she says she’s sure when things settle down he’ll prolly find it. i told her “not unless you are gonna run him by the casa cuz i bet it’s right on the sofa where i saw it this morning”

she chuckles and says he’s such a good boy. let me tell you folks. it never gets old being told that you have a good kid. and i have been told that numerous times by so many different folks about both of my sons. lookout folks, beed has just added two more productive citizens to us workforce. not right this minute but beed has raised both of his boys to the best of his ability. jerkin’ that knot when it needs jerkin’. doling out the love when that is needed.

she ends her call inviting me to come to the show. i tell her i probably won’t be able to make it. i’m basically numma two up in this joint. that comes with privilege. if i want to take off for a couple hours to go see my son’s chorus then i can. trust beed on this one. he will make it up on the tail end. that’s just the way it works out as a manager in this organization.

but remember, numma two is still under numma one. so i stroll down the hallway and axe numma one “hey man, you mind if i run up to the hill to catch miguelito’s presentation?” him, “of course not, if i didn’t have this conference call coming up i’d go with you”

so beed dives into the gridlock that is scottsville road every morning. turn right on cumberland trace and then take cemetery road into b.g. i park on the gravel parking lot between kentucky and adams street.

i peer up to van meter and think i can see it through the clouds up that high. so i then hump from ky. street to van meter auditorium. i promise you this, i will bitch slap the next mutha-f’er that ever axes me “what’s a hilltopper”

i walk in just as they are getting ready to perform their first selection. i am one of only around 4 parents or grandparents in there. miguelito spies me and gets a big smile and gives me a little nod that lets me know he’s seen me.

on the way in i saw a bunch of schoolkids in khakis and blue polo shirts. drakes on the other hand has these pimp tight black robes. all of the boys are wearing black pants and white shirts and ties. miguelito used my red wku tie. they also have this red thing across their shoulders and it goes down the front of the robe. looks like a big long tie and it just drapes them. i have no idea what it is called but it was big pimpin’ too.

if looks is part of the criteria they crushed the little school outside. and then they sang. just two songs but they were beautiful. their teacher must be really good. as i sat in van meter i thought about how much western means to this community. yes van meter has some years on it but the acoustics in there were phenomenal for something like this. just one little hour out of my day but my day was made better for having western in this town.

as i walked back down the hill speaking to passers by i looked down the hill. the birds were singing. the sun was shining beautifully and another wonderful day on the hill was unfolding. i seriously was doing a little playa hatin’ on dahbicito thinkin’ about how good he has it. i hope he realizes, and i think he does what a wonderful experience the western experience is.

and miguelito had no idear his papi was coming to listen. i could tell that one little thing made his day. it’s just part of bein’ a good papi. giving them support in their endeavours.

your buddy,

el maestro,
dahbeed.

summer sanders.......you can swim in my pool

2006-04-05T07:47:00.000-06:00

first off.....beed apologizes for not writin' shit for the last week. fact of the matter is he has been very busy at work and since he does a lot of his bloggin' at work (gettin' paid to jack around....does it get any better?) it doesn't take a genius to understand why beed ain't stepped up to the plate.

that said beed don't believe anything calamitous happened just because he didn't scribble for a week. life moved on. the sun came up in the east and set in the west. idiot drivers talked on cell phones while driving like inebriated monkeys and made beed say bunches of cuss words. people at work complained about the slightest things proving that they are the big pussies that they are. sorry, beed sounds like a hard ass but if you are getting paid around 20 dollars an hour to sort f'in mail in a climate controlled environment please don't complain to beed about any f'in thing. remember this, beed has talked to the folks in central america who make 4 bucks a day swingin' a f'in machete in a cane field so he ain't gonna be too empathetic with you.

ouch, chill out beed. you dropped 3 f-bombs in one paragraph. it don't matter that you didn't spell the whole word out. whatever poor soul reads your idiocy will inevitably sound out the whole word while they are reading it. at least beed would....but then again he LOVES to cuss. and beed ain't one of those people that it has been said use profanity because they lack the vocabulary to not use it. beed just likes cusswords. he learned to cuss from day one as his padre and tios (father and uncles) were some all american cussers so it's no surprise that some of beed's first spoken words were profane.

and then beed joined the marine corps following high school. talk about a finishing school for cussing. between his fellow marines and the squids he ran into on the ships he learned to really be able to string together a bunch of expletives.

then beed learned a new language.....spanish. a vast new arena of cusswords. of course they didn't teach them at western. but what do you think were some of the first questions beed axed friends he made in central america. como se dice fuck...chinga....como se dice shit...mierda......como se dice whore....puta. como se dice means how does one say? sorry if that makes beed come off in a bad light but he has always tried to be open and honest on this blog.

back to the title. if there is anything beed loves more than cussing it is women. beed has an awesome office with two huge windows. if ya'll are ever at the postal facility on scottsville road stop in and axe for beed and he will show you how pimp his office is. anyhoo, back to the windows. beed's desk faces them and he watches beautiful women pull up and get out of their vehicles and head inside for god only knows whatever type of postal business they need to take care of. it truly makes his day to know there are that many good looking women in his fine city.

beed is off work today. well actually he is going into work at 3 o clock and then driving to the postal facility in hopkinsville to work there the next two days. beed doesn't really want to do this but his boss told him he had to. he said he hated makin' beed do it but it was sumpin' he had to do. that's why beed has time to type his usual collection of bullshit up.

so beed's body wakes up around 5:45 every single day, alarm clock or no alarm clock. stumble out of bed, put on the short pants you've been wearing for a week and a half. hell, they're comfortable so don't dog beed about that. stumble down the stairs and pop the top on your first crystal geyser water of the day. beed goes through around 5 to 6 crystal geyser waters per day. that's one of the reasons beed is so damn skinny. he gave up cokes around 3 years ago. beed still treats himself to an occasional coke but ain't addicted to 'em like he used to be.

then turn the tube on to espn or something related to sports. this morning beed turned it to one of the fox stations and watched a show called "the sports list". today's list was the top 10 intimidating pitchers of all time. the show is hosted by summer sanders. beed finds her smokin' f'in hot. today she was wearing some low cut jeans with a cute white beaded belt. her top was almost a tank top. of course it was just a bit too small so there was a slight gap between her jeans and top showing just about an inch of skin.

you guys have no idea just how sexy that little bit of skin is. bullshit! you do know how sexy it is and that's why you dress like that. tho' summer does have some pretty big shoulders for a gal (she was an olympic swimmer) they are actually very athletic looking. not sammy sosa looking. lithe and long, not huge. beed finds female athletes verrrrrry hot. as long as they don't look like they could whip him.....lisa lang comes to mind.

summer also has a very cute face. and beed has watched how good she has become in front of a camera. beed will admit to watching her all the way back to her nickelodean days. there's something inherently wrong with having lustful desires while watching nickelodeon even if summer sanders is the host. would ya'll mind pitching in to put beed through some psychotherapy sessions?

her ease in front of the camera makes her even sexier to dahbeed. when she was talking about the reds "nasty boys" she started doing a little janet jackson dance imitation and it was sexy as hell.

okay, beed is opening up even further here. ya'll know he's a goober for long elegant necks on the womans. here's another achilles heel for beed. hands and feet. there he said it. beed always checks out a woman for pretty hands and feet. let's just say if there are two pretty equal good looking women beed ain't gonna go with man-hands. it's just that pretty hands and feet are the finishing touch on a fine looking woman.

and summer has both. pretty hands and gorgeous feet. yep, beed knows ya'll are about ready to have him committed by now but he is just being honest about how pretty women rock his world. beed ain't the only one with this affliction. his boss loves pretty hands and feet too. we were discussing a woman that has pretty hands just yesterday. we can't speak on her feet as we've not seen them.

well, beed figures he has wasted enough of your time. that is if anyone is even coming back to this website after he hasn't posted shit in one whole week. don't know if beed will have the opportunity to post anything for the next couple days since he will be in hoptown. hey, since beed will be in hoptown for two days, maybe he can take a little day trip to western state hospital. maybe they can hook him up with a cure. beed kinda doubts it as he has been this way for 46 years.

here is a link to an espn page 2 interview with summer. you can tell from it that she is a pretty confident person. ooh la la summer
your idiot friend,

the hand whisperer,

dahbeed.

ctrl/c....ctrl/v.....ctrl/x....ctrl/k.....old school beed

2006-03-29T15:16:00.000-06:00

when it comes to using different applications beed is as old school as you can get. he doesn't know why he is this way but he just is.

beed would stick an icepick in his eyeballs before he would right click or click on edit and use the pulldown command for copy or paste or insert hyperlink or cut.

beed's boss told him that he wanted beed and his das (directory analysis specialist) to make some new sortplans for our flat sorter. first off, a flat sorter is a very large machine that is used for sorting what we call flats and what you would call magazines or catalogues or large envelopes. it was made by lockheed-martin but was originally designed by some sadistic german engineers. why sadistic? cuz it is a mother-f'er to work on. fortunately for beed he no longer works on them, just makes sortplans for them.

a sortplan is a software download to a machine that tells the machine which bin to put the mailpiece in. beed had not made one for this piece of equipment in quite some time and was gonna let his das do them. but then beed's boss came in his office and said, you better get to work on those sortplans surf-boy (of course beed was jacking around on the net). beed countered that greg usually does the ones on the fsm. he told beed he better not put it all off on greg.

it was good too since it made beed work on that particular type again and let him remember how to build one. what we do though is lay it out on an excel spreadsheet first and then we use that printout to go in and construct the sortplan in the sortplan building software.

greg had laid his out in a spreadsheet but he wanted to know if beed could clean it all up for him. bein' an excel geek, beed got right to work on it. it basically involved moving a bunch of cells down and filling up all the open cells with the data from the cells above. and there were enough gaps that you couldn't just highlight the range of cells and drag them all down.

so bein' old school, with his mouse beed would click on the cell he was moving. with his left pinkie finger he held down the control key and with his left index finger he would strike the x or v alternately. ctrl/x for cut and ctrl/v for paste. in a matter of a couple minutes beed had the spreadsheet exactly like greg needed it.

you would not believe how quick beed can copy and paste or cut and paste using the ctrl key and whatever combination he needs. but it drives some of beed's friends nuts. they see him do this and they say, "why don't you just right click on your mouse and use the commands?"

beed always replies the same way miguelito used to when we told him he had his shoes on the wrong feet "because i like 'em like that". actually beed says "i like using the combinations, why don't you learn to do it that way".

they always tell beed "because the right click is easier". so solly, not for a twisted mofo like dahbeed. same thing with autocad. beed never uses the icon or the pulldown. beed types the shortcut command and hits enter.

beed is gonna run. there is more painting and trimwork to do at the casa and it's rare when beed is motivated enough to do work on the house. gotta strike while the iron is hot.

btw, is anyone else as quirky as beed when it comes to these types of things? is beed alone in his lunacy? that f'in beed, he's got more tics that a timex watch.

your buddy,

the obsessive/compulsive-anal retentive,

dahbeed.

fresh paint....how sweet it is!

2006-03-28T19:08:00.000-06:00

beed's idiot son whilst throwing a fit slammed his shoulder into the wall coming from the basement to the upstairs. it made a pretty big depression into the wall and gave beed many opportunities to play the guilt card on his son.

so the last couple of weeks beed has been a spacklin' fool. he finally got it to the point that the wall wuz ready for paint. so yesterday beed stopped off at the pittsburgh paints store and bought some new white paint fo' the basement.

beed has found out that items to work on the house are not items you can scrimp money on. advice to beed's friends. spend the extra money on things for the casa. quality definitely rules over quantity in that situation.

so the past two days beed has been doing some painting in the basement. holy shiznit! fresh paint makes such a big difference it ain't funny. plus it smells so good at the end of the day. it takes longer to tape everything off than it does to actually paint it.

beed has been a non-contributor on his casa for the last few years. he has always felt that he will have forever to work on the casa but will only have one chance to spend with his two boys. and beed is right on that one. but beed is no longer coaching so he needs to get off his ass and start fixin' shit around the house that need to be fixed.

and the painting and spackling of the basement family room is just the start. beed is feelin' a powerful urge to start fixin' stuff in the casa that needs it.

of course beed's esposa has no idear that there are many men that can't do all that the beedster can do to work on a casa. she definitely takes it for granted. but beed don't give a shyatt. if he can do sumpin' without payin' some other mug to do it he will hold out and do it himself.

damn, that paint smells......and looks good. beed is so proud of himself. after you finish a job like that it is hard to not keep going back and looking at how good it looks.

your buddy,

the casa fixer,

dahbeed.

Proof that God exists. Basketball style.

2006-03-27T11:55:00.000-06:00

there are actually a few folks that beed suspects read his inanity and insanity that don't read hilltopper haven. he bases it on the fact of where they come from. so beed is going to copy and paste some of his idiocy that he posted on hilltopper haven today.

Proof That God Exists

Bradley Joseph: The Washington Post

Monday, March 27, 2006

Scholars have debated for centuries if there in fact is a God. Benedictine monks say that events that took place this weekend prove that there is in fact some type of deity in charge of all of mans moves. “At least we believe he is a basketball fan, obvious by events that took place concerning the final four” says Father William George MacCloskey.

“Father Van Eaton and I have this debate every year” adds MacCloskey. “As in all aspects of our lives college basketball ultimately is another example of Good versus Evil. In this years tournament, we feel that perhaps some supernatural events unfolded that can only be explained by a greater being such as God”

The fact that no number one seeds, in the roles of Evil, made the final four and an upstart George Mason, in the role of Good did make it seems to support at least anecdotally that there is a higher power.

“We like to believe that we are in control of our own destinies, when in fact nothing could be further from the truth” noted behavioral scientist David Kirkwood stated. “Look at all of the advantages that the BCS schools had in this tourney. They got higher seeds, they are fawned over by the media, they are allowed to blatantly cheat and complain about where a game is being played. But when the dust settled from this weekend, not one of the basketball equivalent of the axis of evil, the University of Kentucky, the University of Connecticut nor Duke made the final four” adds Kirkwood.

Fans interviewed in The Verizon Center following the game said it has been a long time coming. Trace Carter, a George Mason Patriots fan said “With all of the superstars jumping to the NBA over the last several years it has allowed us smaller schools to put together some teams that are not that far off in talent from the BCS schools” Carter also noted that the reason why everyone views these games as upsets is because the BCS schools never play the smaller schools away from home.

“The BCS schools have the money to play all of their out of conference games at home. This gives them a feeling of invincibility that is shattered when they have to play on even a neutral floor” Carter added that statement while being escorted from the Verizon Center by District of Columbia police. After initially running onto the floor and celebrating with other Patriot fans Mr. Carter was observed chasing CBS Analyst Billy Packer. When Mr. Carter caught Mr. Packer, he allegedly shoved a CBS microphone up Mr. Packer’s rectum.

Strangely enough, Mr. Packer refused to press charges claiming “I just want Mr. Carter’s phone number, can anyone get me his number?” Co-host Jim Nantz supposedly was overheard saying “Me next, me next!!” while jumping up and down and clapping his hands like a trained seal.

Events this weekend also destroyed many office basketball pools. At a Bethesda Maryland doctor’s office there was only one person in the pool that had all 4 teams of the final four picked correctly. “Everyone else used fancy indicators like the RPI and Sagarin Ratings but that is not how I picked them” shares proctologist, Dr. Tommy Hogan while pulling on some latex gloves. “I have a pet monkey named Ryan, when he gets excited he does one of two things, he either services himself or he flings poo. I thought what the heck so I put a large bracket on the wall of his bedroom and everytime he would fling his poo on the bracket I would write that team down as the winner”

Though not a scientific method, it has Dr. Hogan in the lead to win the office pool. “I deserve this” says Dr. Hogan while spreading lubricant on his latex gloves. “Just think about what I do all day for a living? I mean REALLY think about it. Who wants my job? Right now I have to get ready to meet a new patient that has somehow managed to insert a microphone into his rectum” “I see some strange things in this job but that is a first for me”

bills, beed f'in hates payin' em.

2006-03-25T12:34:00.000-06:00

beed took yesterday off from work. he had the late staff meeting on thursday night and he put in for one day of annual leave. the safety meeting that met before the staff meeting went long so beed sent out all of his reports that he would have sent out friday morning around 11:30 thursday night. thus, his desktop was clean and nobody had to pick up his slack on friday.

so what did beed do with his day off? worked on f'in bills. isn't that a special way to burn up a vacation day? some background. beed has been payin' the bills since he was 17 years old. some guys get to turn that task over to their esposa when they get married. not beed. his esposa refused to do it and now it's too late to turn it over.

and beed is so f'in burned out on it he is late paying some bills out of sheer laziness. the money is in the bank to cover them. it's just the act of sitting down with checkbook and stamps in hand that drives beed nuts. yes, he realizes if this is the worst thing he has to complain about he is a truly blessed person. beed knows that. he is just 'splainin' how he spent a WHOLE day messin' with bills.

beed used to put them in this leather black briefcase and take them to work with him and say. after 3:30 i'm gonna work on these here and take care of them. did he ever do that? hell no. he would pay bills after he would get a second notice. the money was there. it was just laziness. pure unadulterated laziness.

and beed used to keep files on every bill. utilities go in this file, phone bills in this one, credit card statement in this one, bank statements in their own file. but beed got lazy about this too. he just let paid off bills languish in his briefcase. then the briefcase got full. not to worry. don't clean it out. just get some plastic kroger bags and start carrying them around too. become the male equivalent of a bag lady. beed guesses his next step would have been swiping a grocery cart from kroger and use it to pack around his briefcase and kroger bags.

each bag had something different too. one bag was nothing but receipts. beed is paranoid about this. after a receipt has cleared the bank, beed will shred it with his cross-cut shredder. but beed hadn't used the shredder in almost a year. do you realize how many f'in receipts one can accumulate in a year? trust beed, he didn't count them but it sho' is a bunch.

another thing that beed shreds is any offer for a new credit card. beed don't want some shyster goin' through the county dump and finding offers for credit cards and sending them in under beed's name. beed is sorry if he's scaring ya'll with his paranoia but he's just read too many articles on identity theft.

do ya'll have any idea how many credit card offers beed got in one year. again beed didn't count them but he did shred hundreds of them yesterday. beed filled up two huge bags with shredded paper yesterday. he did this whilst watching two movies. the first one was "braveheart". beed knows he watched it just cuz he is reading the book "born fighting, how the scots-irish shaped america".

beed had forgot how phenomenal that movie was. and bein' a lover of womans it had two absolutely gorgeous women in it. william wallace's wife, murron macclannough, that was killed by the english lord was played by catherine mccormack. just beautiful and a great job with her role. here she is.

the other beautiful woman that actually made dahbeed's heart flutter was sophie marceau, sorry folks, beautiful women have this effect on beed. he's just probably the only person stupid enough to admit it on the internet. she played princess isabelle and has one of the most elegant beautiful necks that beed has ever seen. beed warned ya'll he was a freak. here she is:

she also has a very sexy underbite. it's just slight but it is perfect. but dammit beed is ramblin' again. it was a great movie when beed watched it the first time and beed has enjoyed watching it every time since then.

the second movie beed watched whilst manning the shredder was "snatch" a wonderful piece directed by guy ritchie that jumps all over the damn place. it's got benicio del toro who is one of beed's favorite actors. you can't get any cooler than he was in "traffic". it has an absolutely cut brad pitt in it. ladies, if beed wuz gay, he would be writing odes to brad pitt instead of sophie marceau. plus he was covered in tats in his role as a pikey (english gypsy) "i f'in ate pikeys" must have been said by at least 5 of the characters. and the ate is not ate, it's hate, but that is how they said it in the movie.

beed has enjoyed the shit out of that movie. he went back and rented "lock, stock, and two smoking barrels" after watching snatch. it was guy ritchie's first movie beed believes. tho' it is very similar to "snatch" in that it has a huge cast, some of the same folks from "snatch" and it jumps all over the damn place beed just didn't think it was as good.

then beed ended up watching the games last night whilst still shredding and sorting out bills to file. beed got the job 90% done. he got all of the shredding done. he got all of the sorting done. today he has to pay a few bills and send them off.

one day beed will get off of his lazy ass and get all of his bills to be paid automatically. he already has his insurance and cell phone bills on auto-draft. he needs to get the utilities set up on it as well as the cable. then beed can just open the letter saying the bill has been paid and file it away. beed is no longer a bag lady folks. he has shed himself of his bags and the briefcase can be used once again in a normal manner. aren't ya'll proud of beed? been payin' the bills for 29 years and there is no end in sight. but he was very productive on his off day yesterday.

the shredmeister,

cross-cut dahbeed.

useless, but interesting to beed, statistics

2006-03-23T16:41:00.000-06:00

for the 3 or 4 loyal readers that beed has you guys already know about statcounters as you have them on your blogs also.

for the folks that don't have a blog beed is gonna 'splain 'em to ya'. about a week after dahbeed started his blog, he got the idea that, "why don't i put one of those counter thingys on my blog so i'll know how many folks have visited it?"

so he googled (beed still contends that sounds like a sexual position....i.e. "oh hell yeah man, then i googled the livin' hell out of her!") the phrase webpage counter. being the good little researcher he is beed looked at several different sites that offered free counters. but beed didn't want one that made you include an ad for something like hemorroid ointment. and with a lot of them you do have to place an ad with them.

beed also didn't want some big honkin' flashing neon lights of vegas looking counter either. he wanted a small unobtrusive odometer style counter that would match the look of his blog page. ambiance is everything and beed wants your visit to his page to be a pleasant experience.....a visit to barnes and noble for a good read with some strong black coffee and some heated scones.

he finally found the one he wanted. it's from a place called statcounter dot com. there is a link for it on beed's blog. beed named the link is "a great website counter" (beed didn't exactly bust out the imagination sledgehammer on that one did he?) what beed didn't realize is that these little jobbers do a lot more than just count. they compile statistics too.

like what website the person just came from. what city and state they live in. their internet service provider. their i.p. address. how many times they have been there before. whether they wipe their ass with their left hand or right hand. well, beed just made up that last one but it would be cool as hell if it could tell you that.

beed's number of visits per day have slowly been increasing. one time beed mentioned his blog on a h.h. post and he had 167 visits that day but beed refuses to do that type of self promotion again so that number was definitely an aberration. if they can't figure out that "the village idiot done went global" with a line under it that turns your cursor into a finger is a link then beed ain't gonna beg them to look at his site. as beed's friend shunpiker says (he is brilliant by the way, he and beed do a vulcan mind meld at halftime of every game, it actually dims the lights in diddle arenar) "they're probably mouth breathers anyway".

here are the stats for visits per day. this is the average over the last month.

monday - 36
tuesday - 50
wednesday - 43
thursday - 54
friday - 41
saturday - 35
sunday - 29

what do these stats tell you? here's what they tell beed. look at the two lowest days, saturday and sunday. so that means a bunch of folks, oops beed means SLACKERS are surfing at work. get back to work you bunch of slackers or beed is gonna tell ya'lls boss. for the love of God, help raise american productivity.

beed did not use this weeks numbers as they have been climbing and beed promises he ain't dropped no hints on haven about his blog. he had 83 on tuesday, 63 on wednesday and has 45 today and it's 10 after 5 right now.

beed has some regular readers from greenville south cackalacky that seem to check in every day. some other regulars that check in almost daily hail from richmond califonia, reston virginia, atlanta georgia, and parker colorado. pretty eclectic mix, huh? most of his readers logically come from kentucky and tennessee as they prolly know beed from hilltopper haven and where do most western grads live, kentucky and tennessee.

for all of you regular readers and out of staters. drop beed a line in the comments section sometime and tell beed how you stumbled across his daily dose of idiocy.

oh, and lilliot mi hermanita (little sistah), you ain't the only one that is worldwide baby. beed has had visits from germany, canada (do they count?) and portugal. and there is one person that has landed on beed's casa the last two sundays from leeds england. beed can just picture some guy in a tweed blazer and a meerschaum pipe exclaiming "tally ho good man, i believe i'll see what that crazy bloke from across the pond has to say this fine sunday evening"

that's better than the guy from portugal. beed clicked on the referring link and there wasn't one word on the blog. but...........there was a cache of porn. it seemed that his purpose in life was to post one photo per day from some porn bonanza he had stumbled across. it wasn't really anything deviant (unless you can count a slight leaning towards doggy style as deviant and beed doesn't).

it was really funny. not one word. beed thought a blog was supposed to be someone's web log. a definition from dictionary dot com:

Main Entry:
blog
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page; also called Weblog, Web log
Example: Typically updated daily, blogs often reflect the personality of the author.
Etymology: shortened form of Weblog
Usage: blog, blogged, blogging v, blogger n

maybe this guy doesn't know how to spell or write. maybe his only form of communication is porn. when he wants his mother to bring him a glass of milk he breaks out a shot of some hot little vixen that is rather well endowed in the mammary glands portion of her body.

when he wants hot dogs for supper he breaks out........errrrrrr let's not go there beed. that visual is a bit much don't you think? that's almost as bad as the time beed said taking a good morning growler (beed tells his co-workers, hey i just delivered a baby down the hall) is an honorable way of releasing endorphins. one of beed's co-workers use to tell him "carter, the most overrated thing in the world is a piece of ass and the most underrated thing is the world is a good old country shit!"

now beed ain't sayin' he goes along with this line of thinking but it did give beed pause for thought.

the reason the stat counter is free is because their log is only for the last 100 visits. if you want a larger log then you have to pay a monthly service fee. beed is content with a log size of 100. when you install it you have an option in setup to exclude your ip addresses which beed did at both home and work so that number on the counter does not include any of the beedstahs visits to see if any of his homies have left him a message in the comments section.

there are about 4 or 5 of us that have most definitely turned into a mutual admiration society. we bounce back and forth from each other's blogs leaving comments. maybe we can call ourselves "the breakfast club" beed has dibs on the judd nelson character condray, that leaves you with emilio estevez or anthony michael hall. valerie, shari, and riovanya have to slug it out over who gets the molly ringwald and ally sheedy characters.

beed has all of their blog links on his site and checks them every day. shari gets beed's vote for best mommy in the world, and he ain't shittin' about that, he means it. riovanya definitely is an artist. condray has stranger dreams than dahbeed and then tells everyone about it! riovanya's sister, lilliot, is so freakin' good with the written word she has left beed in awe more than once. she also has 2 of the most adorable kids in the world.

she has caused the beedstah to get a little verklempt (talk amongst yourselves, i'll give you a topic, the progressive era was neither progressive nor an era.) when she has spoke about her little man learning how to walk. it took beed back to when his two boys were learning to walk and how excited the grownups would get and how big the smiles were on the boys that they were now mobile.

damn beed can ramble. gotta go folks. it's 6 o clock. beed has to come back in at 11:00 tonight for a staff meeting. that way all 3 shifts will be represented during tour turnover. beed don't really like it at all but he ain't the boss, he does what the boss tells him to do.

adios amigos,

the statman,

dahbeed

ice.....where in the hell is the ice!!!!

2006-03-22T22:02:00.000-06:00

it's late and i'm tired so beed is gonna drop the 3rd person schtick. i shouldn't be on this computer. i should be upstairs icing my left ear down. why? well, let me tell you a little bit about my job.

my title is operations support specialist. i only have two people under me. one is another manager and his title is directory analysis specialist (DAS). i also have one craft employee under me. i always said this is the only management job i'd put in for cuz i only have to manage two people and put up with their petty shit.

anyhoo, i got the job in october of 2003. one thing my predecessor did for me was tell me the phone numbers of two ladies that could help me with any problem i ran into. both of them were DAS's. one in paducah ky. and the other in evansville in. i had both of them on speed dial and that is the God's honest truth.

anytime i ran across something i didn't know how to do i would call one of them and they were always patient with me and taught me how to do what i needed to do. i always typed out how to do it and put it in a binder so if it was something i wouln't need to do for another six months, i would be able to resource my binder and know how to do it.

anyhoo, both of those ladies have moved on. one has become the plant manager of paducah and the lady from evansville has retired. so now, i have went from the novice to the expert. their replacements call me daily with querstions on how to do this or that. and i honestly don't mind. hell, their predecessors helped me when i needed it, the least i can do is help their replacements.

so, the lady that replaced the one in evansville wanted to come to b.g. and train under our tutelage. she arrived this a.m. and spent the first half of the day with our DAS, gregg. she wore him out and then i had her for the second half of the day. she is one of those people that NEVER stops talking.....hence the icing down my ear statement. and i was rude enough to interrupt her when she was on a roll.

i had printed out how to do several procedures that she would need to be able to do. i covered all of them with her. but for the love of God.......she never shuts the f' up. she is a good person and i think she will do a good job filling the position but heyzeus cristo on a popsicle stick...can you stop running your cakehole for just a minute?

she is going to be with us for one more day, and i promise i will train her to the best of my abilities......but shit. where did i leave my earplugs? i'll need them tomorrow.

tomorrow i hope to have a post on the numbers of people that visit my idiocy and where they come from. that is what i meant to speak on today but i got sidetracked by sir speakalot.

your boy,

icing down his ear,

dahbeed.

it's not my fault.....really

2006-03-21T09:59:00.000-06:00

well, beed tried to upload an image of the latest book he has been reading but for whatever reason blogspot doesn't like to load images from beed's work computer. it has worked in the past but not the last couple times. oh well, what's an idiot to do?

this post is going to tie into the genetics that beed posted about in his last dissertation. btw, isn't miguelito one good looking little boy? beed's great-grandmother told him a saying one time "every crow thinks theirs (offspring) are the blackest" kinda like beed thinking his son is so handsome. but this will be more in the generalities of genetics instead of specifics.

some background. beed is truly a mutt. from stories and some researched geneology, here is beed's makeup, his bloodline:

maternal grandfather: french, indian, scots-irish
maternal grandmother: scots-irish, english
paternal grandfather: indian, scots-irish
maternal grandmother: swedish

first question for the class. what is the dominant bloodline in dahbeed? errrrr maybe scots-irish beed....... ding ding ding, we have a winnah.

btw, beed's maternal great-grandmother ethel cherry eadens was first cousin to henry hardin and thomas crittenden cherry. h.h. started the greatest university in america and t.c. had an elementary school named after him....which beed attended for 7 years.

beed's mother enrolled him at t.c. cherry elementary when he was 5 years old. he would turn 6 in october. but she enrolled him in first grade, not kindergarten. the schoolwork was no problem. mrs bowman (she wore a big class ring and would turn it upside down and hit you in the back of your head for even the slightest transgression) taught a mixed class of first and second graders. like beed said, the classwork was no problem, midway through the year beed had been moved to the second grade side of the room and was doing second grade homework.

the problem was that beed was the youngest kid in his class. now beed is an average size guy, 5'11 and 165 pounds. actually that's above average as beed read somewhere that the average american male is 5'9. but beed was always either the smallest or next to smallest kid in the class. and bullies don't pick on the bigger kids in the class. they always target the small.

but in dahbeed they soon found out that they had targeted the wrong small kid. no matter what size they were beed would go to hook city in a minute. beed don't ever remember losing a fight as a kid. he would say there might have been some draws but it usually ended up with a smaller dahbeed atop a much larger bully pounding his face repeatedly with his fists.

they had no way of knowing how dahbeed had grown up his first five years. if ya'll have read in the past you know that dahbeed has a cousin named lonnie that was a couple months younger than him and we were inseparable. lonnie was the son of beed's uncle jack, beed's dad's older brother.

beed's dad had a best friend named buster henry. buster had a son that was a couple months younger than dahbeed named johnny, yes, his name was john henry. anyhoo he was also around little beed on a daily basis and also a good friend.

this is in a very redneck area at the time. winter park florida, the outskirts of orlando, in the early 60's, before disney world was even a dream to locate there. native floridians are a rough lot. beed has equated florida back then as georgia with beaches. in other words, very redneck.

it was a very macho society, much drinking and if your woman got out of line you popped her. buster did that to his fiery red haired wife one time and got drunk and passed out and awoke to her beating the hell out of him with an old iron skillet. think that didn't give buster some pause the next time he thought she needed a pop.

beed's dad, beed's uncle jack and buster were always arguing on which one of their boys was the toughest. so their solution to find out was to purchase some boxing gloves. each respective father gave their son pugilism lessons. trust beed, these boxing matches were not exactly displays of the sweet science. these were three year olds wading in swinging haymakers on each other.

yes, beed knows how barbaric that sounds, making 3 year old friends pound on each other. beed's father actually used to tell him that if he let lonnie or johnny beat him that he would get an ass-whipping from him. according to dahbeed's father, he never lost a fight to either one of his playmates. not because he was any larger but that 'beed fought with a fury unmatched by the other two.

back to the book. the title is "born fighting: how the scots-irish shaped america. but it doesn't start out with the scots-irish role in america. it burrows deeply into scottish history. most of you have seen the movie "braveheart" about scotland's william wallace and his resoluteness to not bow his knee to england. james webb, the author of the book covers that period but he also goes further back than that and tells how the scots never let england rule them.

they were born fighters and then it was pounded into them at an early age that they would be fighters for their entire lives. beed is just now to the part where a mass immigration of the scots-irish was actually encouraged by the land holding english ruling class of early america. why? because the english knew what a ferocious breed of man that the scots were first hand.

they promised the scots-irish cheap rents if they would establish themselves in the mountains that make up the appalachian trail. they wanted to use them as a line of defense against the native americans that were increasingly raiding farms. and the scots-irish were very successful at repelling these attacks.

that's as far as beed has got in this book. but james webb has pointed out that scots-irish have been disproportionately represented in every war that america has fought in. the confederate army was almost entirely made up of scots-irish and the northern army was made up of a majority of scots-irish.

they were a key to our win in the revolutionary war. a hessian captain wrote in 1778, "call this war by whatever name you may, only call it not an american rebellion; it is nothing more or less than a scotch irish presbytarian rebellion"

even as late as the vietnam war they fought our wars for us. there were more west virginians that died in vietnam than from all of new york. the scots-irish are the first to volunteer to defend their country.

to close out this book that beed has written. beed always attributed his fighting spirit due to the early fights his father made him combat in. but now beed knows that he has no choice in the matter. he has too much scots-irish blood flowing through his veins to be anything but what he is.

so the next time you are in the hilltopper haven chatroom and you see beed let off a string of epithets that are unfit for mixed company directed at someone in the chatroom that is getting out of line. don't just shake your head. add "god bless beed, it ain't his fault, he can't help what he is"

yours truly,

the fighting scotsman,

dahbeed wallace.

genetics.....they fascinate beed

2006-03-19T12:05:00.000-06:00

beed is so f'in pissed right now he could eat nails. he just finished typing out a story and then hit the wrong button and now has to start from scratch. screw it. he is gonna leave half of it out now.

when beed's brother died his no account wife (beed's opinion) told beed that bryant had some photos of his family and did beed want them. errrr, you win the no shit award today. yes beed wanted them.

when beed's youngest boy michael was a toddler we were all arguing who he looked like. the esposa's family thought her (serious drug usage to believe that). beed argued him. beed's mother entered into the fray and said he doesn't look like either of you, he looks like your uncle robbie did as a little boy.

you know how you can sometimes dismiss your moms with a "yeah right mom, thanks for the input" anyhoo, beed was going through bryant's photos and stumbled across one of his uncle robbie when he was around 8 years old at lake weston elementary school in orlando florida. beed picked up the phone and called his mom and apologized immediately. it was uncanny how much they freakin' looked alike.

some facts. robbie is around 6'4 and very big boned. michael's pediatrician told us after his last physical that mike should end up at least 6'2 and wouldn't be surprised to see him hit 6'4. mike is very big boned. robbie is the 3rd boy in his family. tho' mike is the 2nd boy, we lost a boy to miscarriage between david and michael so he is actually beed's 3rd boy.

beed's younger brother robert (named after his uncle) is around 6'1 and very big boned. his wrist is twice the size of beed's. robert was the 3rd boy in beed's family. could this all be coincidence? sure but it looks like a pattern to beed.

uncle robbie, robert and michael are all gregarious characters. but truth be told all carter men are gregarious creatures. we just like to have fun and pick at people. it's definitely a male carter personality trait.

look at the photos of robbie and michael. look at their brows and noses and smiles. pretty close huh? robbie's ears stick out a little more but they could pass for brothers instead of great nephew and great uncle. both of them actually had a lazy left eye. not terrible but they both do have a little drift to them. how uncanny is that shit.

beed did some research and it said an uncle and nephew will share 25% of the same genes. well them sumbitches must have taken the express train from beed's uncle to beed's son.

beed is amazed by dna and genetics. how so many things can be coded into them. what a wonderful thing this thing called life is, no? dahbeed sees minor miracles every day in little things like this.

so beed is gonna let ya'll be the jury in the comments section. what do you guys think about the resemblance between beed's uncle and beed's youngest son? uncanny, no? beed better not lose this sumbitch again or he will end up in the hospital for punching a monitor.

your genetically coded friend,

the boy from brazil (wonder how many will get that one)

dahbeed retrac (in honor of uncle robbie who used to speak whole sentances backwards)

cowboy boots......and sand roads

2006-03-18T08:25:00.000-06:00

whilst visiting "my friend's blog" who goes by the name, riovanya, beed fell in love with some old black and white photos she had. it inspired beed to dig some of his out and he hopes you enjoy a glimpse into "dahbeed, the early years (decades ago)"

this one is obviously taken at christmas and beed be sportin' some new cowboy boots. they are the only pair that beed has ever owned as beed has had no desire to wear them as a grownup. not even after seein' john travolta in "urban cowboy".

this is a shot of beed's momma apparently very happy to have a fat young son named dahbeed. now ya'll know why beed is so hot, his momma was definitely a looker!

here is beed crawlin' on a blanket with nuttin' on but a diaper. any of ya'll think moms put sunblock on beed back in 1960 under the full blazin' florida sun. me neither. my first carcinoma will be dedicated to you moms. j/k, people actually thought the sun was healthy back then.

beed and his cousin lonnie, at christmas. beed loved lonnie to death. we were about 3 months apart with beed bein' the oldest. when beed's parents divorced when he was 5 he didn't miss his dad....he missed lonnie. we had spent every day together for the first 5 years of our lives.

beed and his hermanito (little brother) bryant. he was 18 months younger than the beedstah. he's the one that died from malignant melanoma. beed still misses him and it's been 10 years now.

beed and his hermanito part deaux......what the hell was up with moms and her predisposition to stick a bow tie on beed.

the man in the middle is beed's paternal grandfather, george lonnie carter, to his left is his sister maggie, to his right is his wife mary lee farmer carter, in front is beed's aunt judy. grandma carter used to tell me that grandpa carter was 1/4 indian. no empirical proof of it but with his dark skin and jet black hair til the day he died there's good anecdotal evidence. grandma was of swedish descent. when they arrived in the country the customs agent asked what they did, they replied farm, the customs agent then replied, "your new last name is farmer"! she was the source of all the blonde hair and blue eyes in the carter clan.

my maternal grandfather, roscoe lamastus. also rumored to be much indian and french. same jet black hair til the day he died. how in the hell beed had two grandfathers with heads full of hair into their death and beed ended up a cue ball is beyond him. grandpa lamastus always dressed up like a pimp. check out the lion's face in his tie. also where beed got his high cheekbones.

beed was his first grandson. he told beed's grandmother he was going to the store and ended up getting drunk and somehow ended up on a train to orlando florida to see his first grandson. beed's momma tells him the first thing grandpa did was count beed's toes and fingers. don't know why, beed's mom and dad weren't first cousins, he might as well have checked beed for a tail.

beed's maternal grandfather and grandmother on their official visit to see beed and his little brother, not a get drunk and jump on a train trip, a planned one.

four cousins that loved the shit out of each other, from left to right. lonnie, dahbeed, bryant, and mark, lonnie's younger brother, tho' larger. mark who had the nickname muggles made the mistake of thinkin' he could take beed on a summer visit one year. beed beat the shit out of him and lonnie didn't jump in. said muggles had it comin'. that road is no longer sand, and those fields are no longer empty....houses as far as the eye can see. davisson avenue, winter park florida, suburb of greater orlando.

beed loves this photo. 4 youngsters at daytona beach with not a care in the world. from left to right, lareda (love that name), beed's moms, toad (actually on the back of the photo, don't know his real name, moms would) and mary kay. the lady who married beed's uncle jack. jack died a few years ago and mary kay axed beed and his brother to be pall bearers. we visited her last summer and she is still not over it.

this is not that old of a photo, circa 1982, beed just wanted to prove that at one point in his life HE DID HAVE HAIR!!!!! how about that british iron there? it was a norton 850 commando and ran like a bat out of hell.....when it was running....it was british and temperamental as hell. beed punched a dent in the gas tank one time after trying to kick it over around 100 times (no electric start and big honkin' pistons) and it finally backfired and almost broke beed's ankle. had to look at that damn dent and be reminded of how stupid he was all summer long.

my computer is down

2006-03-17T16:00:00.000-06:00

at the casa. beed hurled many, many cusswords at it last night. beed has requested that his oldest son come to the house to troubleshoot it for him. so there may be no additions to the beedblog this weekend.

if he can get it working again he might try to put a little something together.

there was a post on hilltopper haven titled my name is earl. that's the show where earl is trying to fix his karma by righting all of the wrongs of his life. it caused everyone on hilltopper haven to step into the confessional. the following is what beed shared. all of them are true. for those of you that read haven, you might as well skip them as you've probably already read them.

1. the number of beatings, actual physical beatings that beed put on his 2 younger brothers cannot be counted the number is so high. beed was smart enough to know when to stop them as they got to a size and mean-ness that the risk/reward was too high to chance it.

2. beed and his brother shot a sparrow with our daisy b.b. gun and then cried about it when we saw it lying on the ground.

3. beed and best friend used to do donuts in the front yard of a house in briarwood. we did not know the person but they had such a manicured front yard it begged for it. we should have been shot.

4. when stationed in memphis beed went joyriding with an idiot from new jersey that had a ring of car keys with about 150 keys. we abused the hell out of that camaro. we should have been shot.

5. shoplifted some baseball cards from the ben franklin five and dime store when he was about 9 years old.

6. taught his brothers the joys of smoking cigarettes when they were 7 and 5 years old.

7. got into a drunken fight in the parking lot of a memphis pool hall…..with his best friend!

8. pocketed about ten rounds from the rifle range and used them to shoot up a stop sign with his m-16 on a rural road in jacksonville north carolina.

9. while driving from new york to bowling green, beed and another jarhead stopped at a toll booth in virginia. it was stopped up and honest people had continued throwing their change in it. we were almost out of money and helped ourselves to about 5 dollars worth of change……we still ran out of gas in nashville, had to sell some cassette tapes to a guy for the gas money to get home.

10. egged cars and ran the back alleys of bowling green on numerous occasions. once stole a fire extinguisher from a church bus and then sprayed it in the window of a house where a guy was working at his desk. his exact words were WHAT THE F***!!!

11. instructed a friend that the proper way to shoot a 12 guage shotgun was to hold the stock about two inches off your shoulder. he had never fired one. he shot it into the air and the recoil knocked him down.

12. watched a boy that lived down the street from us shove a kicking and screaming grasshopper up a dog’s butt and didn’t stop him from doing it. neither one of ‘em, the dog or the grasshopper enjoyed it very much.

basic, idiotic actions that beed would beat the livin’ crap out of his kids if he found out that they did them. a freakin’ 14th street heathern. it’s amazing that beed is such a nice guy now. actually beed was a pretty good kid but was easily led astray by bolder, wilder kids. he couldn’t say no. his teachers used to write it on his report cards. “dahbeed is a good boy but is too easily influenced by others”

and this was true. not trying to blame the others cuz beed DID ACTUALLY DO the bad things but they were usually not his idea. beed was always fascinated by the bad kid that wasn't afraid to do anything and would often follow them blindly into some hot shit. not too smart and beed fancies himself as somewhat of an intellectual, a white trash 14th street heathern intellectual but an intellectual none the less.

if beed don't get his computer fixed, yall have a great weekend.

your friend,

the heathern,

dahbeed.

the rawhide jerk......and other fine tales.

2006-03-16T11:08:00.000-06:00

before political correctness invaded the workplace things were very different indeed. beed ain’t sayin’ some changes didn’t need to take place. of course there is no excuse for any type of sexual harassment or violence in the workplace.

beed is just sayin’ it used to be very, very different when he began his career at the p.o. and the antithesis to political correctness was a man named david lewis. he is no longer with us. he died of lupus several years ago. he died in fact within one year of retirement. beed was one of the few people that visited him on his deathbed.

he was the type of person you either loved or hated as he could not keep his mouth shut and would say anything to anybody. he used to call beed “boy carter” as to him beed was a boy. beed was only 22 when he started at the p.o. and lewis was probably in his young fourties at the time.

if you have virgin eyes you may want to click away from this blog as beed is going to share some of lewis’s stories and actions and some of them are r-rated if not x-rated. just makin’ a disclaimer here. let beed give you a description of the man so you can picture him.

he was around 5’9 and went no more than a buck fourty five soaking wet. he had absolutely no ass and his belt fought many a battle to keep his dungarees up.

he had a headfull of thick brown hair that he greased back in a fifties style hairdo. he had a huge droopy mustache that would have made jim croce jealous.

he had tattoos from one wrist to the other wrist. we’re not talkin’ some fine ink like dahbeed sports. he was a former sailor so lewis’s tats were of the variety that one would pick up in drunken ports of call. the one beed liked the best was the lady in a bikini on his forearm that he could make dance when he flexed his forearm muscles.

he spent 13 years in the navy and had the rank of e-3 when he got out. with 13 years most people would at least be an e-6 if not an e-7. but he told beed that he kept making rank but then they would bust him down because he couldn’t hold his tongue and would flap his gums back to his superiors.

he would hold court all night long telling stories from his navy days or recanting what he heard that someone said about him on another shift and how he was gonna get them back for sayin’ it. beed is gonna relay a couple of his navy stories for ya’ and this is where it gets x-rated so click away if you don’t wanna read it.

he told us that he spent a lot of time in the phillipine islands. he told us that u could pick up some trim over there for just a couple bucks a day. the best one he ever had asked him if he wanted to do the rawhide jerk.

he said he had never heard of it. she pulled out a piece of leather that had knots tied in it spaced about every half inch. she told him that she would insert this into his asshole and when he was ready to orgasm she would jerk it out and he would love it.

he told her that he would try anything once and agreed to it. just as he was about orgasm he told her to pull it. she did and he swore to this day that it was the best orgasm he ever had. needless to say, beed has nevah experienced the “rawhide jerk”.

now he would tell these stories full volume. at the time there were only two women working the graveyard shift but he never let that impede him at all as he thought they would be interested in his re-telling of the “rawhide jerk”. but like beed said, this was back in 82 and the workfloor rules were much more lax than they are today.

another story he loved telling over and over, again, involved a phillipine prostitute and it was just flat out gross. click away NOW if you have a weak stomach.

he had picked up a young prostitute at a subic bay bar where he had been drinking all night. he added that he was pretty lit up but being young he had no problem “rising to the occasion”.

he then told us as they had sex he kept sucking her breasts and kept thinking to himself there must be a baby in the apartment as she was lactating and he was getting mother’s milk.

when he woke up the next morning, sober, he looked around for the baby. it was then that he noticed that she was not lactating but in fact had a big boil on one of her breasts. oh my God. did beed really repeat that story? he told ya’ll it was gross and offered you a chance to click away from his blog but that dark secret side of you made you stay didn’t it?

if this happened to you would you tell all of your co-workers about it? beed wouldn’t either. but lewis was a character larger than life and beed loves characters. they keep life from being monotonous and dull. they are the jalapeno peppers of the human race.

lewis had a sidekick whose name was louis g. they worked side by side sorting mail every night. louis g. would amen and hallelujah all of lewis’s stories. he also had a trick that they would play on new employees.

shortly after beed started we were all gathered at the time clock and as usual lewis had something for the beedstah. he said “hey boy carter, have you seen louis g’s new belt buckle?”

beed had not so of course he looks down to inspect louis g’s new belt buckle but a new belt buckle was not what lewis and louis g had in mind for dahbeed. louis g had evidently felt impelled to share his manhood with dahbeed as poking out from the top of his trousers was the head of his dick.

and they would do this to any newbie so beed used to warn them, “hey, if lewis axes you to check out louis g’s new belt buckle, don’t look down”. with the rules that we have in place now, those two guys wouldn’t last one day without bein’ sent to the front office for discipline.

beed ain’t gonna say that lewis was a great person or good guy or any of the standard descriptions we give of people who have passed on. but beed will say that david lewis amused the hell out of him…..and ya’ll should know by now how much beed’s lunatic fringe brain craves amusement. so solly if this story was too racy for you but every word of it is the truth.

beed wishes he had tape recorded every one on david lewis’s stories as beed could write a book on them. but beed didn’t tape record them and those two stories are the ones indelibly stamped on beed’s brain….as they will be on yours now.

in honor of a character,

your friend,

dahbeed (not lewis)

congratulations....you've won a free trip!

2006-03-15T13:23:00.000-06:00

to washington d.c.!!! beed did win a trip to d.c. one time and there were no strings attached to it either. ya'll sit back and prop your feet up and let the beedstah tell ya' a good one. and all of it is true.

back in 1992 the united states postal service became one of the united states olympic team's sponsors. beed don't know how much we shelled out for this privilege but it ended up giving beed a free trip to washington d.c. here is how.

ya'll know how any megalo-company is always trying to raise productivity? during beed's 24 and a half years with the usps beed has seen program after program rolled out trying to do this. does it ever work? beed honestly don't know. he never worked harder because of any of them. beed worked hard cuz he felt he was blessed with such a good job.

anyhoo, this program was called "Pride in Performance" and was tied into an olympic theme. here were the rules. one of your co-workers had to write you up for going above and beyond your routine work. they then sent it in to the district office in louisville.

nobody was ever turned down. if someone nominated you, you would receive a pin about the size of a quarter. at the top it said "olympic quality club" beneath that was the postal eagle logo. beneath that was the olympic rings logo and at the bottom it had "united states postal service".

the first pin they gave out was called a "bronze medal" not very original but keeping with our olympic theme. only one person had to nominate you for a bronze medal. so here is what beed and two friends did. we nominated each other. beed wrote sumpin' like "mr. plaster has gone well beyond the call of duty in his role as a maintenance support clerk. he always ensures we always have the spare parts needed to repair our equipment......blah, blah, blah".

at the beginning of each day everyone in maintenance gathers together for around 5 minutes and the supervisor would pass on any info that he thought needed to be disseminated. he would also use this time to recognize individuals. perhaps they had gone all year without using any sick leave.

beed and his buddies had completely forgotten about nominating each other. at the morning meeting, our supervisor called beed and his two buddies up front and presented each one of us with our "bronze medal". of course this causes a ruckus with the other guys throwing out lines like "how in the hell did you 3 dicksuckers get those awards" "this is bullshit" "ya'll are really special now that you have your bronze medals".

what it really boiled down to was drinkin' haterade on their parts. they had not been smart enough to do what we did and were jealous. we didn't really give a shit about the pins, it was just something to do. the fact that it irritated the shit out of our co-workers was icing on the cake.

for a silver medal one must have two people nominate you. we had this covered as beed and the wayner nominated tee. beed and tee nominated the wayner. tee and the wayner nominated beed. of course we told nobody and they all had forgotten that the cutoff date for nominations had passed.

so about a week later the three were called up front in the morning meeting and presented their silver medals. the catcalls were even worse "DICKSUCKERS, have you no shame, please get up off your knees you 3 kissasses". a maintenance department is a whole lot like the military. it is almost entirely made up of men. a lot ARE ex-military and carry on the tradition of really ranking on each other or busting chops, whatever you want to call it. we three took a bow and thanked them for their congratulations. we were loving the shit out of it. if you have been reading the beedster for any length of time you know he loves to stir shit and then kick back and enjoy the fallout. beed don't know why he's like this, he just is.

okay, ya'll follow how this works so you realize that the trio of shit-stirrers are going to need a 4th co-conspirator to get the ultimate.....the gold medal. we propositioned several of our union brothers but nobody wanted to go along with us. they all wanted us to fail in our quest for gold. but we finally talked charlie into going along with us. he works in the same office as the wayner and the wayner finally wore him down.

we told nobody. everyone thought we were going to fail in our quest. imagine the catcalls when the 4 of us were called up front to receive our GOLD MEDALS. imagine the shit charlie had to take for enabling us. they were killin' us all but they were being especially brutal with charlie. charlie had in essence, crossed the picket line and became a scab. it was all in good fun really. it's just a bunch of guys bustin' each others chops.

anyhoo, we had no idea what happened next was going to happen. about a month after receiving our gold medals our plant manager had his secretary page everyone on day shift to a certain area. we were all like "what's up and what are these suits doing down here from louavulle?" we were all stunned when the suit from louavulle starts reading this proclamation about how successful the "pride in performance" program had been. he read off stats of how many people received each type of medal.

he then said that all gold medal winners had been put in a bingo type barrel, been spun around and then had two names drawn out. guess who one of the two was? that's right, dahbeed "mr. ain't nevah won a damn thing in his life" carter. all beed's homies were hootin' and hollerin'. they took a photo of beed receiving the paperwork on it for the district newsletter.

it was an all expense paid trip to washington d.c. for two. at the time the esposa was 8 months pregger with miguelito. remember this, miguelito was 10 pounds and 4 ounces at birth. so the esposa wuz big time swoll up when we went. and d.c. is hot and humid as hell in july. but it was still a good trip.

things beed got to see: special white house tour. several of the smithsonian museums and one of his highlights, the united states marine corps silent drill team. the silent drill team is probably the best drill team in the world. they perform several very complicated marches and much throwing of their rifles in the air. and all of this is done without one command given. that's why they call it the silent drill team. it is truly an awesome display.

here's where one of those cool things that sometimes happen to beed happened. beed and the esposa are sitting in our reserved seat, best ones at the place. we're waiting for it to start. it's a beautiful summer evening as the heat has finally dissipated. beed's lookin' through the crowd. probably tryin' to see if there are any honeys in the crowd. hell, beed is just bein' honest.

beed spies a young man in the crowd that could pass for the twin of a guy beed knew back in bowling green. beed was like "man, he looks just like marty". now beed don't make a habit of acosting people in public but beed knew it was gonna bother him all night if he didn't get a closer look at this guy. the fellow gets up and goes to the head (restroom for you civies). on his way back to the bleachers beed has got up and cuts him off.

"excuse me but can i ask you your name?" him: "it's marty smith david, what are you doing in d.c.?" beed: "hell, i can ask you the same, what are you doing here?" when marty was attending western (on a marine rotc scholly) beed got to know him because his cousin invited him to play for our church basketball team. marty could ball too, beed and a friend took him to a 3 on 3 tourney in nashville and we took 4th place out of 16 teams in our division.

marty says, "well i graduated western and now i am attending ocs (officers candidate school) at quantico." beed: "do ya'll come up here and see these guys all the time?" marty: "hell no, i've been at quantico for 2 months and this is the first time we've been up here" beed: "well, i won a free trip from my job and this is one of the trips they set up for us." we say our good-byes, give each other one of those man hugs, the one where both guys lean in and give each other a little hug and a pat on the back, keeping your feet apart from each other lest your groin areas touched each other sending you into full fledged homophobic toxic shock.

now what are the odds of beed being 700 miles from bowling green and running into one of his hoop homies at a silent drill team performance? is that cool or what? and marty just happened to pick that night to go see the performance.

one other thing happened that was very cool. they put together this big shindig where they had refreshments and they had several of our olympic hopefuls there and you could get their autographs. they also had some former athletes there too. beed got to speak to and get the signature of a man that truly was the beed's hero when he was a little boy. who was it you axe. none other than the magical third baseman of beed's beloved orioles when he was a kid....mr. brooks "reds-killer" robinson. he was humble as hell and stood there and talked with beed for about 10 minutes.

the year that the orioles beat the reds in the world series beed was the only kid at t.c. cherry elementary school that was for the orioles. all the rest of the kids were reds fans and they hated the beed when his orioles drilled the reds. brooks had always been known for his glove but he had one helluva world series with his bat.

sorry this got so long but there was no way to tell the story without telling everything.

your friend,

mr. lucky,

dahbeed.

dahbeed............safecracker?

2006-03-14T12:49:00.000-06:00

when beed started up with the postal service he was a clerk. he unloaded trucks on an open dock in the middle of the night. beed remembers some nights where the wind chill was below zero. your ass can hump when it's that cold outside.

he dumped bags of mail, sorted letters, threw parcel post. after about 3 and a half years as a clerk, management announced that bowling green was going to receive some mail sorting machines. this would create some different jobs.

one of them was called "mail processing equipment mechanic" or "mpe-6" for short. everyone was talking about who the bosses were gonna put in those jobs and beed bein' way down the totem pole at that time wouldn't have a chance.

but that's not how they filled those positions. you had to pass the mpe exam. this examination did have some mechanical questions but a large portion of the exam dealt with electricity and electronics.

now, electronics is not something you can run down to barnes and noble and grab an "electronics for dummies" book and learn over a weekend. beed spent 7 months stationed in memphis tennessee studying basic electricity and electronics. he then spent several more months in classes on various types of equipment. the long training is one of the reasons beed had to sign up for a 4 year enlistment instead of 3.

back to the postal service exam. beed had to break out all of his old training material and re-memorize things like all of the formulas in "ohm's law". but it was well worth it. there were about 12 of us that took the exam. both of us that passed it were former marines. so much for the marines bein' the dummies of our armed services.

so beed got one of the coveted positions and received more postal training for the machines we were getting. the postal service has an awesome training facility in norman oklahoma. beed has actually spent nearly a year of his life in norman for various training. not consecutively but over a 15 year period.

the training facility is truely top notch. the housing facility is run by marriott and is also top notch. here is a link to the training facility. http://www.nced.com/ one class beed took was 9 freakin' weeks long. but it was a pretty complicated piece of equipment so it took that long to teach it.

when beed first started as a mechanic they were using us to do everything. fix the machines, work on the heating and cooling equipment. hell, they even had us building offices in our free time. the most interesting classes that dahbeed ever took though were called "security" & "advanced security".

"security" was a class that taught how safes worked. they taught us how to take the locking mechanism apart and also how to set them to new combinations. they even tossed in the history of safes.

before beed could attend "advanced security" he had to go to the po-po station and get them to fingerprint him. these were then sent to the fbi by the postal service's inspection service to get a top secret (no kidding) rating if they passed the background check.

beed actually had a "top secret" clearance rating in the marine corps for some of the "crypto" gear that he worked on.

anyhoo, beed passed and got to attend "advanced security" no this was a cool class. they taught us how to put a suction cup microphone near the lock. you then "manipulated" the lock until you got it open. you wore these super pimp headphones that were hooked up to a little amplifier and the mike. the wheels in the lock make a different sound when you are turning past the little opening in the wheel.

next up, they taught us how to drill out locks on the safe if you cannot manipulate it open. they gave us a book with the precise drill points for every lock that sargent and greenleaf or mosler makes. s & g is the world's largest lock manufacturer and mosler is probably second. we didn't get to keep the book. it was sent to the inspection service and if we ever needed it they would send it to us and we would have to send it back when we were finished.

to pass the class you had to drill out a lock successfully and of course beed was able to do his first time.

one thing they were not "allowed" to show us was how to pick locks. because we had passed the high security level we were allowed to purchase a set of lock picks. they then did "describe" how one would go about picking a lock if one wanted to.

they also let us take a bunch of regular locks back to our room to practice picking on. it really is not very hard to do if you have a set of lock picks. beed is the one everyone at work here calls when they forgot their keys to their filing cabinet or desk or any cabinet for that matter.

sometimes beed gets 'em open in like 2 seconds. sometimes it takes a couple of minutes. the key (no pun intended) is to know which direction a lock turns. you would not believe how many people open something every day yet when you axe them "which direction does it turn" they can't tell you.

probably the finest pick job (other than his nose) that beed has ever performed was when he bet a buddy he could pick his desk lock and not use his picks. it was for like a coke or something. it took him a few minutes but with a pocketknife and a paper clip beed was able to get it. macgyver would have been proud of the beedstah.

see, this beed fellah gots all kinds of different skillzzzz in his repertoire. he's a hoopstah genio (genius), former electronics technician, former jarhead. he is a lover of all things female, oh.....it's a mutual admirations society too folks, they love the beedstah. beed done tole ya'll that he has that little something that women adore......no not THAT LITTLE SOMETHING. he means that intangible, ya'll get your minds out of tha gutter. and now you know, that beed has a little cat burglar in him. the driller of safes, the picker of locks.

sincerely,

dahbeed "alexander munday" wagner

a tidbit

2006-03-12T12:02:00.000-06:00

this is just a little tidbit that beed discovered yesterday while he was proofing the dental post for mis-spellings.

beed's cursor hovered over the photo of emma and beed noticed that the arrow turned into a link finger. so beed clicked on it.

it gives you a much larger version of the photo. so for those of you that enjoyed the photos of the beautiful nicaraguan kids, you can go back and click on them and see how beautiful they are in greater detail.

it doesn't work on some pictures and beed don't know why.

carry on.

dahbeed.

strange shit...how do they do this?

2006-03-12T07:37:00.000-06:00

okay, beed wuz surfing very late last night. he went to visit one of his favorite blogs. it is written by some hottie by the name of lilliot. tho' white hot, (according to her sister) that is not the reason beed wuz there. he wuz there cuz she has a gift with the scribbled word that few folks have. and we know that dahbeed craves words like a crack ho craves the pipe.

she beats herself up and being the artist that she is, she is never satisfied with her own work but she has come dangerously close to causing beed to quit blogging after reading one phrase by her. that's how good she is. beed has a link to her blog....it's the one called "my friend's little sis"

anyhoo, she had a link to some website that asks you a few questions and it will tell you what zodiac sign you are or should be. here is the link----> http://www.blogthings.com/whatsignshouldyoubequiz/

this quiz only asks 4 questions. beed answered them as truthfully as he could. there was no reason not to. what would beed gain by lying to a stupid online test? beed is one twisted fokk but he ain't that twisted.....yet.

anyhoo. this is what the quiz printed out after beed answered the querstions:

What's good about you: intense and energetic, you can easily transform the vibe of a room

What's bad about you: if someone rubs you the wrong way, you'll sting them!

In love: you experience very strong feelings - both passion and jealousy

In friendship, you're: likely to demand loyalty and dump friends who don't provide it

Your ideal job: circus performer, hypnotist, or hunter

Your sense of fashion: revealing, daring outfits - you love taking fashion risks

You like to pig out on: spicy Thai, Mexican, or Indian food

it said that beed was a scorpio in our zodiac table. beed is a scorpio according to most zodiac tables. his birthday is october 23rd and that is the first day of scorpio in most tables. beed has seen it as the last day of libra in some also.

when beed was a very young boy he read a book on the signs of the zodiac and was amazed at how he and his family fit each one of the personality profiles assigned to each sign. as beed got older he realized that it was a bunch of hokus pokus bullshit generaliztions that anyone could find what they wanted to find since they were so general and generic.

beed does believe that your birth date could have some effect on shaping your personality. what if you were born in november. it's very cold the first 4 months of your life and your parents never take you outside. could that initial glimpse of the world shape your personality? beed sees how it could but what about kids born in south florida or southern arizona? would their capricorns be different?

ya'll click on the link and take the test. let beed know if it got yours right. that way he'll be even more amazed or realize that his test was the proverbial "blind squirrel stumbling across an acorn"

the generalization that intrigues beed the most was the one that said "what's bad about you: if someone rubs you the wrong way you'll sting them!"

even though beed argues that with his aging and decrease in testosterone he has become a mellower, gentler dahbeed. and he has for the most part. but there are times when he lets that temper rise to the top and beed can be venomous with words.

how many times has beed had to apologize to people this year for things he said in the hilltopper haven chatroom? someone would get on there and spew idiocy and beed would end up calling them a cunt or something equally obnoxious. then beed would try to remember who all was in the room and send them an apology via p.m. the next day.

this usually occurred after beed had been in the firewater. but the old saying "in vino veritas" has some truth to it. so what does that say about beed? if that is his true side does that mean at his core he is an asshole with a terrible temper that he is normally able to squash through discipline and self control but get some drink in him and you get full bore dahbeed.

oh hell, beed is rambling now. and tho' beed does not pick up the morning newspaper and turn straight to the zodiac tables to see how he should approach the day, he does find it interesting that many of the personality traits assigned to scorpio very much fit dahbeed. hell, if you don't recognize your own strengths and frailties after 46 years then you are not very self aware or possess a double digit i.q.

your buddy,

el escorpion,

dahbeed.

paging el dentista doctor dahbeed

2006-03-11T11:24:00.000-06:00

beed referenced in an earlier post that he had pulled 16 teeth in his dental career. is beed a dentist? hell no! did he pull 16 teeth? hell yes! before you rush to judgement let beed get the story out. this beed character is sumpin' else, no?

the lovely lady above is a honduran dentist named emma gutierrez. she is a sweetheart. sure she coulda used a little work on her unibrow but beed always thought she was cute as hell and always was her assistant any time she worked with us.

our team would always bring doctors, nurses, pharmacists, and dentists but sometimes we would outsource some work to a local. we paid them more than they would make in their own office but it was hard work and pitiful accomodations.

as dahbeed has stated earlier, he's done every job on the team but has probably worked in the dental clinic more than anywhere. let's define dental clinic for everyone who is imagining their dentist's office. unh-unh.....not even close. the mission had some old dental chairs that they would pack out to the village the week before we got there. no fancy overhead lights. one of the assistants jobs was to stand there with a flashlight and point into the mouth of the patient so the dentist could clearly see what they were working on.

beed used to joke with emma, who loved beed by the way, always insisting that he be her assistant, because number one, beed spoke spanish and knew all of the instruments names in spanish and two because women like dahbeed, he don't know why, he guesses it's cuz he's foolish enough to cut up with them. beed has that intangible. yes, by now you are rolling your eyes and rightfully so but it's just something that beed has discovered in his 46 years on this orb.

back to our cutting up. beed used to tell emma "mire, mi foco es un llave" look, my flashlight is a key. emma would say "porque" why. beed replied "mire, solo tengo movar mi foco cerca de la boca y abrirlo" look, i only have to move my flashlight near their mouth and they open it. and it did work every time. even if emma was not ready beed would point his flashlight at the patient's mouth and it would open. beed would move it away and they would close it. beed would sometimes do it like 5 times in a row and have emma in stitches. is beed a twisted fokker or what?

emma was vertically challenged so she had a small wooden box she stood on. more on the clinic. no fillings, no cleaning, no braces.....solamente extracciones...only extractions. and the people were more than happy about that. when was the last time you had a bad toothache and could do nothing about it because you couldn't afford to visit a dentist?

we worked like an assembly line. emma would shoot up four people with the numbing agent and by the time she finished with the fourth one the first would be numb enough to work on. one of dahbeed's jobs as an assistant was to make an x on the number of the tooth to be pulled. they all had a dental card and it had a picture of both rows of teeth. each tooth has a number. emma would say "diez y seis dahbeed" and beed would make an x on tooth number 16. that way when they got back over there beed would look at the card and say "diez y seis, mi amor" 16 my love.

for any of the long time readers you will remember a story about the only white boy on the bus. that was the trip where beed left his money under a mattress in a hotel and then had to frantically go back to get it. he then had to navigate back to the village we were supposed to work in. the village was named las trojes. it was actually the same village beed worked in on his very first trip to honduras back in '86. but this was 8 years later.

anyhoo, we had one gringo dentist and emma. of course beed claimed emma cuz hell, beed likes women, he's made no bones about it. and if he's going to be standing in one place for 12 hours he would much rather do it with a pretty lady than some hairy assed man.

our dentists would see around 65 patients a day. think about that one. and many of them had multiple extractions. each dentist would usually pull over 200 teeth per day. and you better not have a weak stomach. there is much blood involved in the pulling of teeth. no nice little sink to spit into....just a cardboard box to the side of the chair. one of the first phrases dahbeed learned in spanish was "por favor, no escupa en el piso, escupa en la caja" please don't spit on the floor, spit in the box.

anyhoo, one day it was around 6:00 and it looked like the good old dental clinic was gonna miss supper again. we probably still had around 20 people to see. beed could see that emma was dog tired. this was like our third 12 hour day and it takes a toll even on the young.

one of the baptist rules is that men are not allowed to wear shorts. god forbid a honduran see beed's knees and ankles....that would be an express train to hell. until beed went into management he wore shorts every day to work, even in the winter. so this was a hardship on him. and since the places we worked were usually hot as hell beed didn't want to wear jeans. so he got a friend that worked at a hospital to hook him up with some surgical scrubs. they are extremely lightweight and very loose fitting. just perfect for hot weather.

so when beed is standing there with a flashlight wearing surgical scrubs, the hondurans have no idea that he is not a dentist. anyhoo, emma has been working on this older gentleman for like 5 minutes and couldn't get that damn tooth to budge. beed axes emma "tu quieres, yo hacerlo?" do you want me to do it? she replied "si, tu puedes" yes, if you can.

now beed has watched thousands of teeth be pulled. it is not rocket science. once you get the pliers on the tooth you kind of rotate your hand in a figure 8 motion trying to loosen each one of the roots.

so emma put the pliers on the tooth correctly and held the instrument in place while beed put his hands on the instrument then she let go. holy shit! now beed finds out why emma wuz struggling with this older guy. it was hard as hell to get it out. beed eventually had to hold the guys head in a headlock so there was no give as he was working his figure 8. finally that sucka came out and beed was elated. his first extraction.

a heavenly glow came over the dental clinic and you could hear faint choral chanting getting louder as it approached the clinic. beed is just bullshitting about that but he ain't bullshitting about pulling the teeth.

so, the rest of the night, emma would shoot 'em up, put the instrument in place and let beed pull them. emma thanked beed profusely as her poor forearm was worn out. beed told her she could pay him off later that night......hehehehehe. nothing happened you perverts, this was a mission trip and we weren't even allowed to wear short pants. beed wuz just joking with emma and she got a good laugh out of it.

beed never pulled another tooth. but it still remains a memory he will never forget. "are you a dentist? no but i slept at a holiday inn express last night and play one in honduras"

your buddy,

el dentista,

doctor dahbeed

p.s. if you are ever in dire straights and can't see your local dentist, roll on out to the beed casa and he'll hook you up homie.

photos on a wall.......and a happy abuelita

2006-03-08T13:20:00.000-06:00

beed always takes a ton of photos when he is on a trip to central america. he take very few of the team that he goes with. he usually focuses on the locals and they are mostly of the children. beed also thinks they are absolutely beautiful children with their olive skin and dark eyes. some of their eyes are almost black. you can't really tell where the pupil ends and the iris begins.

beed liked the photo of the girl above because of the look on her face and the pose.

beed really loves the look on this girls face. it's kind of shy and almost has a look that says "why would you want to take my photo. oh, rule number one. beed always axes permission before snapping "puedo tomar tu foto por favor?" can i take you photo please? beed also loves her little dress. some of you women love your slacks and baby can have her blue jeans on but beed will tell you ladies, wear those dresses if you really want to turn our heads.

this hombrecito (little man) had been kicked in the head by a horse. fortunately for him it happened when we were in town and beed watched one our doc's cut the hair around the wound, scrub it vigorously and then stitch it up. the little fellow was a champ too, no screaming and crying from him, that's why beed called him a hombrecito. check out his hands.....yikes, he racked up from the toy ladies.

beed 'splained in an earlier post how every gringo ends up with a special friend for the week. the kids will pick out their favorite gringo and follow them around like they are glued to you. ya'll know that beed loves the female of the species. this little girl, for whatever reason picked out beed to be her buddy. beed couldn't leave the clinic and go anywhere without holding hands with this precious little bundle of joy. anytime we had church service she would find beed and come over and hold his hand or just lean against him.

and she knew how to defend her turf too. if she saw another little girl or boy tryin' to make time with dahbeed she would let them know immediately who beed belonged to. you ladies can be as possessive as menfolks.....maybe more so. beed loves the lighting in that photo and the shadows it created. it was taken inside the church. beed had picked her up and put her on the window sill as there were no available seats and sometimes you just have to make do with what's available

no story on this boy, beed wuz just busting the chops on a bunch of boys and snapped this one. plus beed knows he has a lot of female readers and beed wanted to provide equal opportunity for you guys as beed could easily post all female photos.

tell beed that this little fella ain't a shite. you can see it in his eyes. beed loves characters and this boy has character written all over him.

what do u add to this? one word. bella (beautiful)

this may be one of the prettiest girls beed has ever seen on his trips. just drop dead model gorgeous. in beed's always humble o-pin-eeeon. beed told her mamacita, "tu hija es absolutemente bella" your daughter is absolutely beautiful. her mama replied "oh, muchas gracias, es porque su papa es suizo" oh, thank you very much, it's because her father is swiss.

never passing up a chance to spit a little game beed told her that she looked pretty fine to him and her daugter was not beautiful only because her dad was swiss that the mother had impact on it too. beed actually made her blush. this is her photo below.

back to the title "photos on a wall......and a happy abuelita. these photos all came from a little village named israel nicaragua. we went back to that village again the next year and here is the story.

beed always gets double prints of his photos. it doesn't cost that much and you can always give them to someone that doesn't have a good camera and wants some of yours. anyhoo, beed came up with the bright idea of giving them to the people in the photos. he obviously couldn't go door to door so this is what he did.

he took some boxes and cut them up. he then used duct tape (what separates us from monkeys, some say the opposable thumb, beed says duct tape) to make this huge poster board. he then made little rolls of duct tape and put it on the back of each photo and then stuck them to the poster board. some of the little boys helped beed do all of this.

we then put the poster near the front of the clinic where everyone passes through. if they saw a photo of themselves they were free to take it. the people loved the photos of themselves as most of them are dirt poor and have no photos of themselves.

beed was working as a translator for a nurse and there was a young lady around 17 years old with a baby that was a little bit malnourished. so the nurse and doctor both agreed to give this lady a bunch of formula but she had no way of getting it to her house. beed has always been pretty damn strong for his size and he volunteered to carry all of it to her house. it was a mile away. that shit got heavy but we had a nice conversation about everything and nothing on the way to her casa. when beed got back the nurse he had been working with was very excited and said "oh david, you just missed it". beed said "missed what"

she told beed that there was this little abuelita (grandmother) that had been standing in the line. she did not know about the rule for the photos. she had spied her grandaughter in one of the photos and wanted to know if she could buy it. the person working the door said, "you don't have to buy it, they're free". they said the woman then started crying, (tears of joy).

she told them that she had not seen her grandaughter in over 9 months as they had moved very far away and she also had no photos of her. she wanted to meet the person that took the photos and give them a hug. see, beed even generates grandma lovin'. they told her where beed had run off to and she waited as long as she could but her ride was getting ready to go and she couldn't miss it. she made them promise to tell beed how happy he had made one little grandma.

beed is always missin' out on good stuff like that but he has had enough good times that it balances out. heck the walk to the ladies casa had been a good event as it got beed out of the clinic for awhile and let him work on his spanish in a one on one environment.

from that trip forth beed always brought his second set of photos with him. if we went to the same village we would hang them up. if were were going somewhere different beed would leave them with the mission staff and make them promise to put them up on the next trip to the village.

beed has never taken a class on photography or even read a book on it. all of those photos were taken with a minolta maxim. it was the very first autofocus 35 millimeter camera. beed bought it around 20 years ago and it has taken absolutely great photos for the beedster. not bad for an amateur that don't know his ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to photography. but it helps when your subjects are as beautiful as these kids are.

your buddy,

ansel dahbeed.

paul's buddy........jose

2006-03-08T12:21:00.000-06:00

the very large gentleman in this photo is a man named paul. beed don't remember his last name. he is country as hell and from paducah, kentucky. he is also good hearted as hell and beed will never forget him as a person, beed is just terrible with names.

the boy squatting in front of him with the blue bandana is named jose. every other kid in central america is jose or maria......joseph and mary......catholocism has a pretty big influence in that part of our world.

when we would roll into any village it creates a fervor, an excitement unrivaled....the fair has come to town. our crew would usually be around 60 gringos (white people) and at least 20 locals from the mission house, cooks, interpreters, pretty much anything you need to successfully set up a clinic and see 1,000 folks a day free gratis.

the adults are just as interested in us but the children are a little more bold and have more free time to run around making friends with the gringos. what generally happens is every gringo ends up with a special little friend for 4 and a half days and both of them will be slinging snot as we leave the village. yes, it's very possible to fall in love in 4 and a half days.

beed has worked in every department of the clinic. dental......beed has pulled sixteen teeth in his dental career but that is a story for another time. beed has scrubbed instruments for the dentists. beed has worked crowd control.......a job he personally doesn't like to do but beed always worked where the jefe (chief) needed him the most.

ya'll remember carlos from the beed loves womans post? anyhoo, he told beed what u need to do is find the biggest meanest sonofabitch in the village, the guy who has bitten off someone's finger in a friday night drunken brawl. every town has a baddest guy. carlos told beed to find him and tell him you will give him 10 dollars a day to keep the line straight and make sure nobody cuts. though beed agrees with carlos that this would probably be the most effective method for crowd control he doubts the baptists would agree.

beed, has taken hundreds of blood pressures in a day. your damn ears get very tender from puttin' that instument in and out of them a hundred times. this trip, the jefe came to beed and said "beed, i need you to work in the construction crew.....right now they are in disarray and i need a veteran over there"

beed will tell you why they were in disarray.......they had an asshole running the show. he's a general contractor here in bowling green and has the personality of a f'in hemmoroid . so beed heads over there and axes what are we doing. well, we needed to build a ton of new pews for a new church the mission had constructed.

we built some jigs and in no time were hammering and gluing church pews together at a rate that would have made henry ford proud. but dickweed is still causing turmoil by yelling at folks and pushing people around verbally. beed told the jefe, "u need to get this jerk out and let us work on our own and we will get them all done" the jefe said "i know, you're not the first that has told me that but it's a delicate situation."

beed promised to hold his tongue for the good of the trip. anyhoo, jose was following paul around like an adopted child. he was a really good boy. but the whole day would pretty much consist of jose saying something and paul turning to beed and saying "what did he say?" beed would translate it and then paul would say something and jose would look at beed and say "que dice el?" the same question paul axed beed, "what did he say".

but beed didn't mind. jose was a good boy and paul was a hard working sumbuck and beed liked him. paul is one of those guys that is just country strong. you don't want to get into a rumble with someone like him as the outcome will usually come out in his favor. there were a couple times that he wanted to go after the guy mouthin' to us but for the good of the trip he didn't.

anyhoo, it's our last day of work, the next day we would run the clinic for half a day and then leave. beed who had been on many of these trips has always walked all around the village just so he gets his bearings. beed knew which one of the stores would have the coldest coca colas and beed would always take enough breaks to enjoy them.

we had really worked our asses off that week and beed looks over at paul and told him "c'mon paul put your hammer down, we're gonna go walk all over this village" this was paul's first trip and he looked and beed and replied "are you sure man, can we just do that, there are still some more pews we need to finish"

beed said, "come on, we're going, lets go visit jose's house" paul just got a big ole country boy shit eatin' grin on his face and said "alright, if you say it's okay, let's go" beed, paul and jose walked all over that damn village with jose as a tour guide. paul was as giddy as a teenage girl on her first date.

early on beed axed jose "donde esta tu casa?" (where is your house) he kind of dismissed beed a little bit and just waved his hand in a direction and said "alla" (over there). beed said "vamanos a tu casa, yo quiero encontrar a tu mama" (let's go to your house, i want to meet your mom). jose said "ahora no" not now.

so we toured more places and it was almost time for supper and beed really pressed jose this time "vamanos ahora mismo a tu casa" let's go to your house right now" beed could tell it was paining jose and beed didn't know why. he knew immediately when we got there. it was a stick house and jose was around 14 years old, an age when you never want to be embarassed about anything, and especially not where you live.

growing up poor, beed knew the feeling well, while all of his friends at school lived in nice subdivisions we grew up on 15th street and then 14th street in rough houses. beed's pop always fixed 'em up but beed knows the anxiety a young guy can feel about his casa.

jose's mama was inside sweeping out her dirt floor. the three of us went inside and she being a humble host offered her plastic chairs to beed and paul. beed wouldn't think of refusing as it would have hurt her feelings. beed told her that she should be very proud for raising such a fine son and how helpful that jose had been with beed and paul all week in the construction crew.

bein' a parent, you can never be told how good your kids are too many times. beed has heard it countless times about his two boys and it's true. and beed wasn't blowing smoke up jose's mama's ass. he was a good boy and he had been helpful. we stayed for only about 15 minutes of just basic chit-chat. we had put jose at ease about his casa by showing no reaction to it at all. when we left jose was practically skipping with beed and paul. all 8 of those kids belong to that senora on the right of the photo. that is not unusual at all down there.

hope you enjoyed the story of paul and jose. two salt of the earth people, one from the u.s. and the other from nicaragua. beed bets that those two still remember the time that this big ole country boy left paducah and made a new friend.

sorry beed hasn't been blogging but the sunbelt tournament got in his way. and since we lost last night beed couldn't bear posting anything on haven so he needed a release for his words and blogspot took the brunt of it. beed might follow this one up with another central american story.

your buddy,

the world traveller,

dahbeed magellan.

stomach acid on an empty stomach....not good

2006-03-05T08:29:00.000-06:00

beed's favorite basketball team, the western kentucky university hilltoppahs kick off tournament play at 2:30 p.m. today. we play the university of n' awlins privateers. what they have done in the wake of katrina and multiple injuries is nothing short of miraculous. but we should win handily today.

even though beed believes that, he still has a stomach full of bile this morning. that's just the price you pay for being a fan. he and his two sons are gonna take the maxima express to the hole of a gym the mtsu azul (blue) raiders call home.

yesterday may have been the biggest waste of a day that beed has had in a long time. got ZERO accomplished other than watching "salem's lot" and "dreamcatcher" on tnt. of course both books were 10 times better than the movies. sometimes beed finds it hard to watch a movie that he has read the book on as it inevitably disappoints.

for those who have been keeping up ya'll know that dahbeed's youngest progeny, miguelito, had made it to the championship game IN SPITE of his idiot coach. beed's plant manager and good friend had promised to come to the game as he has no children and has lived vicariously through both of beed's boys for years. beed told him that he would prolly pull a bret holl, another friend of beed's that is notorious for being a no-show. jemal promised that was not the case and would show up.

he showed up, and was treated to one helluva game. we led the whole game until the last minute. we have two of the best guards in the league and both of them are named spencer.....how about that one. anyhoo, one of the spences (they both go by spence) has a notorious problem of reaching in to steal the ball. he's a good kid but just cocky as hell and thinks he can steal the ball every trip. friday night he fouled out with 3 minutes to go. all reach in fouls. 3 of them were not really fouls but the ref's as this level SUCK ASS and make terrible calls routinely.

our dumbass coach, should have jerked a knot in spence's ass after the first reach in foul. beed would have told him "dammit, son, we only have 6 players and we can't afford to lose you to fouls" but that is what someone that knows a little bit about hoops would do, not what a coach that has the mental acuity of cigar store indian.

so spence fouls out with about 3 to go friday night. beed turns to jemal and says, "we're not only going to lose this game, we are going to finish with 4 players, jacob already has 4 fouls and is playing way too agressive, dumbass needs to call a timeout and tell jacob to quit trying to block shots"

everyone in the room that thinks dumbass called a timeout and told jacob to stop trying to block shots raise their hand. that's exactly what beed thought. nobody raised their hand. beed's readers are so damn intelligent. hell the fact that they read beed makes them inherently intelligent as it shows they appreciate the finer things in life, like a pefectly cooked medium well done filet mignon or properly chilled bottle of pinot grigio.

anyhoo, with 30 seconds to go, and a 1 point lead we have absolutely no reason to take a shot but our idiot coach has not expressed this to our boys and stefan jacks up a shot that we didn't need. the other team (the jazz) takes it down and hits the go ahead shot since we only had 4 players on the floor it was easy for them.

beed was still very proud of our boys. we only had 2 eighth graders and 4 seventh graders. we only won a few regular season games but made a run all the way to the tournament finals and had it won but for some poor decisions. beed needs to give the other team credit. they were missing their best guard but their big man was a beast and we had no answer for him.

beed's buddy jemal called michael adam morrison, cuz of how long his locks are now. as beed has covered previously, as long as miguelito keeps it clean he can grow it to his ass if he wants to.

those boys at michael's middle school are pretty much split down the middle on long hair. when beed drops miguelito off on the mornings he misses the bus it reminds beed of the smoking patio at bowling green high back in '76 when beed was a senior. there is long hair everywhere. they just don't have a marlboro stuck to their lips.

switching gears. if you like to read and want to expand your world view a bit beed suggests that you read this book:

it's title is "we wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families" by philip gourevitch. beed loves books about africa, "the dark continent". this book is about the genocide that occurred in rwanda. it's not as depressing as one might think even tho' he covers in detail how man can kill 800,000 of his brothers, mostly by machete. it is also about the rise of a great man, general kagame that is able to stop the killing and try to heal his homeland.

if you know beed he will be glad to let you borrow his copy as long as he one day gets it back. it is a book beed has read more than one time. beed usually reads fiction but this book is one that is hard to put down once you start reading it. here is what one reviewer wrote:

"in april of 1994, the government of rwanda called on everyone in the hutu majority to kill everyone in the tutsi minority. over the next three months 800,000 tutsis were murdered in the most unambiguous case of genocide since hitler's war against the jews. philip gourevitch's haunting work is an anatomy of the killings in rwanda, a vivid history of the genocide's background, and an unforgettable account of what it means to survive in it's aftermath"

gotta run, beed looks like shit. hasn't shaved his head in more than a week and has 3 days of stubble on his face. gotta clean his act up. he'll be running into his fans at the ballgame and to quote billy crystal from snl: "oh dahling, it is better to rook mahvelous than to feel mahvelous"

your buddy,

the village idiot,

dahbeed.

testigos de jehovah......jehova's witnesses

2006-03-03T16:04:00.000-06:00

okay, beed wuz just a rude asshole to 3 young men......not a good way to start off the weekend. beed is on the cellio with his buddy....big mike, sittin' in his driveway fixin' to go in the casa. he looks down the hill to joan's front yard and sees 3 nice looking young men in suits.

beed tells big mike "oh fokk, i'm gettin' ready to be rude to either some college kids selling books or some jehovah's witnesses." big mike (mike goes about 3 and a half bills...that's why beed calls him BIG mike) says "get ready for your free copy of the watchtower."

beed tells big mike "i gotta go man, i gotta get in the house and lock the door before they get here" and beed would have but he had tarried too long in his coche (car, also carro or automovil) and as beed is halfway up his sidewalk the boldest one is halfway down the driveway.

j.w. "excuse me sir, can we take a few minutes of your time on this beautiful day?"

beed "whatever you are selling, i don't need it"

j.w. "oh no, sir, we aren't selling anything, we just want to tell u about our Lord Jesus Christ and what he's done for us"

beed "sorry but we already go to church (hillvue heights to be exact)"

j.w. "oh sir, we wouldn't dream of asking you to change churches, we just want to tell u about our Lord Jesus Christ and what he's done for us"

beed "sorry, but i don't want to hear about it."

now the other two kids have frozen in their footsteps, beed ain't big but with the shaved head he does look a little crazy. the bold one held his ground though.

j.w. "if u would just give us a few minutes i'm sure it would bless u."

beed "you don't know that"

j.w. "know what?"

beed "that it would bless me"

j.w. taken somewhat aback "i really think it would sir"

beed "i'm sorry son, you know what you are, you are the guy that can sell ice water to an eskimo (beed loves that line and uses it as frequently as possible because the visual is so great, some guy with an ice water stand and a line of eskimos standing in front of it) but i don't really feel like buying any ice water today."

j.w. "i'm sorry you feel that way sir, i just wish you would give us a few minutes of your time"

beed "well i'm sorry i have to be rude with you boys but you are not going to get it"

beed then turned went into his house and closed the door. beed watched to make sure that none of the 3 was a j.w. juvenile delinquent that would key his car for kickin' them to the curb.

folks, beed is sorry if he comes across as a rude asshole. years ago, i would have politely let them drone on and on but beed just don't do that anymore. with j.w.'s or book salesmen. beed just flat out gets it out that he don't want whatever they are selling. it usually takes an exchange like beed just typed and he knows they think i'm an asshole but that is just the way i handle it these days

the only thing worse than j.w.'s are amway people. beed truly hopes that dante could come back to life and add a 10th level of hell just for amway folks. there used to be some where beed works and beed has found that most amway folks are the laziest damn workers in the building.

think about what draws them in.....this idea that u will be sittin' in your casa and all these checks are just gonna roll in. the esposa of beed has a cousin and one time he got sucked into that f'in cult and cuz it wuz the esposa's family beed let those idiots into his casa with their little flip charts. it wuz ugly folks. beed toyed with those fokkers like smokey toys with a f'in mouse. beed shot down every thing they offered up.

sorry if any of my readers are j.w. or amway folks but beed is just bein' honest with u on how he feels about those types of people.

your buddy,

the rude asshole,

dahbeed DeVos

p.s. this has absolutely nothing to do with either set of cultists. this is hoops related. a good friend of dahbeed who is very connected with the uk mildcats (not a fan, just connected) stopped by the old p.o. today and beed brought him to his fly assed pimped out office and we just bullshitted for about 30 minutes.

he dropped this bomb on beed. "oh, u know that rondo, has knocked up patrick sparks' girlfriend don't u.......and here's the good part.....they're roomates." hay-zeus cristo on a popsicle stick. ya'll imagine u could cut that tension with a knife in that room.

that just goes to show when it comes to hittin' that boo-tay, NOTHING is off limits. what can beed say......we're dirty fokkers when it comes to the y-pie. wonders how flubby smith is tryin' to smooth this one over. think rondo's sugar daddy derek anderson will pimp rondo's new child out like he did rondo with the denali? "papaw derek, rajonito needs some new threads, help a brutha out."

edit: beed screwed up and typed j.h. when he meant to type j.w. he know that his readership is so inteligente that they knew what beed meant but shit like that drives beed batty, well even battier than he already is so he had to go back and change it.

temper,temper, temper.

2006-03-02T20:07:00.000-06:00

beed has accepted the fact that he is not as hot-headed as he was in his younger years. beed remembers idiotically losing sleep over the fact that if his second basemean could have just made this play we coulda won.

and the freakin' second baseman wuz a 7 year old. how stupid is that? lose sleep ovah sumpin' a seven year old would do. but beed couldn't help it....he is competitive as shit. beed thought that with the lowering of testosterone he wuz immune to such idiocy but last night proved he wasn't. no matter how cool he thought he was.

beed's son miguelito is in the seventh grade. he didn't even try out for the school team cuz he didn't have a snowballs chance in hell of making it. but he wanted to hoop. what kentucky kid doesn't? anyhoo, we have one helluva team. we have two of the best guards in the league and one of the best big men in the league in a little brutha named jacob. he's only about 5'6 but he's one helluva athlete.

even with that talent our coach is a f'in idiot. beed has never bucked him even tho' he has forgot more about basketball than this idiot has ever known. beed just kicked back all year and chilled even tho' we finished 4th in a division we should have won with our talent. our idiot coach would spend half the game turning to the parents and shrugging his shoulders when a kid would screw up. in one game this idiot let our best guard pick up 3 fouls in the first quarter cuz he didn't know how many fouls he had......he was too busy appealing to the parents.

anyhoo last night before the game.....beed went to the guard in question and said "spence....u picked up some cheap reach in fouls last game....we need u tonight so be careful. we are in the final four. we are playing a team we should beat. and we are leading at halftime.

after the village idiot (the coach...not beed) spoke to his team they are getting ready to warm up with about a minute to go in the halftime. beed runs to the baseline and says "jacob...u wanna win this game?" he says yes sir. beed says "jacob, you are jacking up your shot...nobody on that team can block your shot....just relax...take your time when you get it down low and shoot the ball, not throw it."

at this point, the idiot jumps into beed's face and starts wagging his finger at beed and says "you need to go sit down....i can't expect them to listen to me if someone is telling them something different."

taken somewhat aback beed walks off and goes back to the bleachers. but the idiot thinks he needs to emphasize it. he starts coming at beed and starts flapping. at which point beed hollers out "don't u take another step....u better not come one step closer....i moved...u better not say another word" oh yeah, it was kinda loud.

so the idiot starts walking off mumbling that he is the coach and i am not....blah blah blaah. beed yells out " at least i'm not the idiot that let his best player pick up 3 fouls in the first quarter against them last time"

for michael's sake i did tell dahbicito...as soon as the game is ovah....i am leaving....u gotta give your momma and brothah a ride home so me and the idiot don't get into it. back to the game. the idiot lets us squander a 14 point lead and with less than a minute we are down one point. great coaching. yeah, right. and dumbass almost got a tee on him.

anyhoo, we steal the ball and spencer howle looks ahead and miguelito is wide open. beed has always been brutally honest about his kids. he expected miguelito to let it fly through his hands and bounce off his chest out of bounds. WRONG!!!! he catches it in stride.....goes off of the correct foot and banks a deuce in perfectly.....we are up by one!

they try to take it down and we steal it and they foul us. our boy hits both free throws and we are up by three. they throw up a gangster brick at the end and now we are in the finals. oh yeah, jacob slowed down his shot and scored 8 in the second half so he at least listened to beed before his idiot coach ran him off.

we play in the championship tomorrow night and win or lose we get a big trophy. just something else for the attic....beed's teams have won so many times we have nine gazillion trophies.

but, beed talked to the opposing coach, he told beed that the league director has said that the idiot will not be allowed to coach next year. beed has already volunteered his services. even tho' beed is completely content to not coach anymore.....he will do it so that f'in moron will not have this team next year.......and the first thing he will do is contact one terrific player that this idiot ran off this year and assure him that things will be different.

how about that miguelito? one bucket the whole game but it was the one that counted.

your buddy,

dahbeed wooden

beed.....from macho marine....to office dweeb!!!!

2006-03-01T14:23:00.000-06:00

that photo above ladies and gentlemen is of the opening page of an excel spreadsheet. let's go back in history before dahbeed became an office dweeb.

the year was 1977, quit snickering u bunch of snot-nosed young whippersnappers....don't post in the comments section that was the year that you were born or the year you started kindergarten with your best friend, suzy rottencrotch. beed don't wanna hear about it, comprende?

beed had just enlisted in the marine corps. he was 17 years and 3 months old. he had graduated high school in december of '76. the country was in a terrible recession and there were no good jobs to be found in bowling green. beed's momma was already hounding him by january first to get off his lazy ass and find a job......that beed wuzn't gonna just lounge around all day while she went to work.

so beed decided to join the military.....the navy to be precise about it. he had a cousin in the navy that had regaled him with stories of unmentionable things you could get a lady in the phillipines to do for the great sum of 5 dollahs a day. hell, beed wanted some of that action. when beed was 17 he was walking around all day sportin' wood that a cat couldn't scratch. subic bay, phillipine islands here i come.

but a funny thing happened on the way to the navy recruiting office. the squid recruiters happened to be at lunch. right across the hallway was the marine corps recruiters office. two of beed's old buddies had just finished up boot camp and were on a month of recruiting duty with the marine corps recruiter.

they hollered at beed..... "what's up, come on in here" beed told 'em "hell naw, i don't want no part of the marine corps" they then lied "aw, come on in here, it really isn't that bad" so beed visited the office. the local recruiter was one of those good ole boys that could have sold ice water to an eskimo.

they wanted to know why beed was knocking on the navy recruiters door. beed said "well i'm thinking about enlisting, there are no jobs here and i wanted to get some kind of training" they say, "hell, any job the navy has we have" beed replies, "no, i don't want to be a soldier, i want to get some kind of technical training"

ice water salesman then tells beed, just take the test and lets see what we can work out. now if u've ever read beed very much then u know that he's fairly impressed with his own intellectual abilities. the last i.q. test he took came in at 139......squarely in the middle of the 135-144 gifted range but still below the 145 and above genius range. not too shabby for white trash that grew up on 15th street. beed tells you this so you will believe him when he says after taking the military battery of examinations the recruiter tells him that beed is eligible for ANY job they have.

so beed stars pawing through the catalogue of the different m.o.s.'s (military occupational specialties) and tells the recruiter "i want a job where i will be inside all the time". you see, beed's stepdad had worked construction his whole life and would come home every night dog tired and dirty and tell his 4 little crumb snatchers to get a job where you could work inside. don't break your back doing construction work outside in the elements.

beed paused as he sees a picture of a guy in marine camo utilities working on some type of electronics and it was inside what appeared to be an air conditioned office. "how about this? electronics" the ice water salesman grins (he knows he has beed hooked, he just needs to reel him in slowly and reach for the net) and reaches for his net, "not only are you definitely eligible for that but when you complete your schools you will receive a 1,500 dollar bonus. now beed knows that 1,500 dollars will only get you a popcorn and large coke at the movies these days but in 1977 beed's eyes got big when he heard about that huge sum of money for the taking.

"where do i sign up?" now, electronics is by no means a macho job. but in the marine corps they have this policy that every marine is truly a rifleman first and then they are whatever their m.o.s. calls for second. they feel that no matter how cush your job might be, since the marines are usually in the forward most areas of battle that you might have to drop that soldering iron and pick up your m-16 in a new york minute. so, no matter what job you are going to take, all recruits attend the same recruit training.......11 weeks of hell called boot camp.

beed went into boot camp as a 5'11 ethiopian like 136 pounds. when he left 12 weeks later he was up to 155 pounds and every ounce of it was muscle. they will transform you. it starts with breaking you down mentally and physically. they do it through intimidation, they scream at you from a distance of 2 inches. and when nobody else is looking they would punch on you if they thought you needed it. beed only got punched on one occasion, all shots to the stomach so as to not leave marks and done whilst in the head (bathroom) when nobody else was around.

from what beed has garnered from some recent recruits, they still yell at you but they are no longer allowed to curse at you and most definitely not punch you but this was almost 30 years ago and that shit did go on back then. they also teach you how to shoot....... lee harvey oswald and charles whitman were both taught how to shoot by none other than the united states marine corps. beed had grown up on 15th street and 14th street in bowling green most of his life and there ain't exactly no shootin' ranges on either one of them.

but beed is a pretty fast learner, remember that 139? and the marine corps has been just a wee bit well known in the ability to fire a weapon. this is no kidding....out of 53 people in our platoon we only had 6 men shoot expert (the highest level). guess where 5 of the 6 were from? that's right, the commonwealth of kentucky. our drill instructors thought that was a freakin' hoot. they also asked us if the boots we were issued was our first pair of shoes.

let's fast forward almost 30 years. beed was able to use his electronics training in the marine corps to a great job as an electronics technician. around the spring of 2003 beed's plant manager axed him if he would like to train in one of the management jobs in our facility. it is basically the numma two man in the company, the plant manager's right hand man. the man that was in the job was going to retire in october.

beed said "shua, but wouldn't that give me an unfair advantage in getting that job when it opened up" the plant manager gives beed one of those how big of a dumbass can you be at times looks and says "yeah....and?" "ooooooohh, you want me to get the job" beed thinks. okay.

anyhoo, the job still has a technical side to it as beed is responsible for co-ordinating any new installs of technology and making sure any new program our organization is rolling out is rolled out smoothly here.

another part of it is working with spreadsheets. beed had never made a spreadsheet before he started training for this job. hell, he was lucky if he knew how to open one. anyhoo, he's been in the job for almost 2 and a half years now and has become our resident excel guru. the best one he's ever made was to be able to spread our budget this year. it has at least 20 worksheets in it that are all pulling data from other sheets and even other files.

excel is cool as shit in it's almost limitless in what you can do with it. beed's plant manager said he was worried a bit about beed being able to spread the budget this year but when he saw that spreadsheet he knew that beed had arrived, that he was too legit to quit. anyhoo, beed got to thinking yesterday, "man, i haven't built a spreadsheet in awhile" beed was wanting to build one but had absolutely no reason to.

until this morning. beed's plant manager came down the hall and said "coach (everyone calls me coach around here, at least to my face.....they probably call me asshole behind my back, i know i would, i would probably add arrogant prick too) i hate to pile more on you but i really need a spreadsheet so the run shift supervisors can give me a daily condition report."

beed tells him "hell, that don't bother me, i've been itchin' to build one anyway" it only took beed about an hour and that motherf'er is a work of art. beed built all kinds of conditional formatting into it. conditional formatting for someone that is not an excel dweeb like beed is when you make a cell display differently depending on the data in it. por ejemplo (for example) if the contents of the cell is less than 49.5% it will display in a bold red font but if it is equal to or greater than 49.5% it will display in a bold blue italicized font. now how cool is that shit?

beed has to run, he heard that office depot had a new supply of pocket protectors and beed wants to make sure he is able to pick up some new really fly ones.

your office geek,

dahdweeb.

new friends

2006-02-28T16:59:00.000-06:00

it's been chaos at work this week so beed ain't been able to post anything and don't wanna let his boss catch him posting on a blogspot when he's supposed to be working. how freaking unfair is that?

ya'll remember beed's post on the internet and it's effect on socialization? if not, go back and check it out. beed brought up articles where he had read that the internet was causing us to become automatons that never left our computers and never got out into a social mixer type of setting. beed argued that he had made MANY new friends strictly because of the internet.

anyhoo, beed met another friend that he had previously only conversed with through, email, message board postings or private messages on a message board. her name is shari. she may possibly be the finest mommy that beed has ever met and beed have a purty damn fine mommy in his own. course he's a little biased.

beed has a link to shari's own blogspot on this site. it's named sunshine fresh and u can keep up with shari's comings and goings but more importantly the exploits of her beautiful and beed ain't usin' hyperbole here at all, daughter, mikaela.

beed covered all of this on a hilltopper haven post but believe it or not beed has people that look at his scribbled idiocy that come from other places than hilltoppah haven. beed's plan was to hook up with shari and mikaela at the last home game of the year.

here is the link to the haven string: click aqui--->http://www.hilltopperhaven.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=4777

we had pm'd each other and got cellio nummas and made a plan. beed was gonna call shari and find out where her seats were. houston, we have a go......section 207. beed's original plan was to visit shari and mikaela before the game and then go sit with a homie that had hooked him up with a ticket.

when the beedstah first arrived, mik mak patty whack (one of shari's nicknames for her) seemed a bit reticent or shy towards the beed. but beed thinks she may have just been a little tired. beed decided then, that he wanted to spend the game with this special family. at halftime beed had to run and visit a friend and drop off a gift for his friend's chilluns.

when beed returned he thought that maybe mikaela was becoming a bit more accustomed to him. at around the 8 minute mark of the game beed turned and axed shari, "do u think she would sit with me" bein' the awesome mommy that she is and knowin' the beedstah wuz no threat she said "shua".

so beed picks this precious doll up and places her in his lap for the final 8 minutes of the game. she even let beed clap her hands together along with the fight song. of course beed sneaks in some little kisses and hugs to the daughter he never had. let beed be clear on this....no child can ever be kissed on and hugged on too many times. as a creature we humans thrive on physical affection. it speaks more than 100 verbal i love yous. yes, we crave the verbal love as well but for whatever reason we also crave that phyical contact.

towards the end mikaela was ready to go back to mommy and beed returned her. beed thanks God that Shari sent him a pm one night quizzing him about a post where he mentioned that his oldest child had a pituitary tumor. if not for that beed would have just thought that this person was just another basketball junkie like him. beed would have loved her as he loves all topper fans. but now he has what he considers a dear friend, no, make that two dear friends in shari and mikaela.

beed is gonna have to run as his youngest, miguelito be havin' a basketball game tonight at 7. it's the tournament and it could be his last game of the year. speakin' of tournaments.....beed's and shari's beloved hilltoppahs will begin the sunbelt tourney this sunday. beed will be there with bells on.

the games will be played at dante's ninth level of hell........a hellhole of a gym in murphreesboro tennessee where the local inbreds chant things like FOKK YOU WESTERN at the top of their lungs. now beed knows that college kids can get a little rowdy but the students at western have never resorted to such a low class chant like that. and this was in an arena full of family members. this was supposed to be at a college basketball game that was supposed to be wholesome family entertainment. now beed know he have one helluva a potty mouth, bein' a former marine it's no wonder. but beed also knows there is a time and a place for everything.

but the toothless inbreds of middle tennessee really embarrassed themselves last thursday night and beed wouldn't put it past them to do it again. beed don't know how u would go about stopping the student section from doing it again but if the western students ever did that beed would be crimson with embarrassment. what kind of upbringing do the parents in the great state of tennessee put their illegitimate children through. obviously nothing to do with representing yourselves with class in public.

but tennessee is a state that has no state income tax and any time a politician is naive enough to say they need to enact one so they can improve education in the state he is crucified. it's hard to believe that there can be that big of a difference when you cross the tennessee line but beed knows that every time he does it he raises the i.q. in both states.

tennessee trash.....ain't nuttin else like it.

the beedstah.

kid rock......my boy!!!!!

2006-02-25T00:53:00.000-06:00

folks, beed wasn't feelin' up to kid rock after last night at the hillbilly excuse for an arenar that mtsu has. it was road loss. beed is gonna quit goin' on the road. he is the f'in bird of doom for western. whenever he goes on a road game, we lose.

but i digress. yes......i am going first person on this one but it is soooooo late and i am too tired to post third person.

beed's homie picks him up around 5:15. we roll to nashvegas. we go to eat at 12th and porter since my buddy had a 25 dollah gift certificate. our waitress was cute as shit and beed ended up leavin' her a ten dollah tip and my homie left her five so she earned a quick fifteen dollah for bein' good at her job. she was so perky and so damn cute. plus she did that thing that all womans do when they are playin' u......she put her hand on beed arm when she was talkin' to him.....boom 5 dollah tip just went up to 10 dollah.

now on to the kid rock concert. tonight was one helluva night for juggage. hell, my boy kid rock had fo' exotic dancers shakin' their money makers fo' the whole show.....worth the price of admission if u axe me.

beed fell in love with the two girls next to him......the one directly to his right was beautiful. and her partner was most definitely juggalicious. hell.....she had them on display.....i was damn sure gonna admire them. and to make things even better they were good ole kentucky girls. and the one that so proud of her mammaries was a wku grad. rock on girls.

the opening act wuz a guy by the name of ty stone. i nevah heard of him. his band definitely rocked and he had a hellacious rock and roll voice. he must be one of kid rock's boys as he is from detroit as well. and he's rather massive. at least 4 bills if he weighs a pound.

back to the music.....my boy did not dissapoint. i had not been to a large concert in many mango seasons. me and my buddy hit nashville several times a year in small venues but i just hadn't bothered with a big one in a long time. my buddy got us great seats. we were in the middle on the floor about 20 rows back. of course bein' the pimp that kid rock is, the entrance was spectacular with much pyrotechnics and kid rock rollin' out in a fly ass fur coat with cowboy on the back of it.

he played all the great stuff off of his first album (his best) by far. he was awesome.

kid rock with his greasy assed hair parted in the middle reminded beed of all his white trash friends from back in the day. the crowd was an eclectic mix. there were quite a few old homies like beed but there were a bunch of young ladies that evidently wanted to perform lewd and lascivious act with kid rock. the best one bein' the little hottie up front that held up a sign that said "i want to sit on your face and spin around two times". that one even cracked up kid rock as he called her out on it.

he opened up with "i'm goin' platinum" and during his encore closed with it as well. the part where joe-c comes in was done on the video board with a clip of joe-c performing his part for the video. it was great stuff. here is joe-c's part fo' anyone that don't know the song.

Straight out of the streets of Taylor

3 foot high...ready to get fly...Joe C

I'm the J-O-E to the C hoe

Call me Joe C got more game than Coleco

I'm a freak hoe call me sick

Three foot nine with a ten foot dick

The ladies pick, I'm a crazy hick

And rake through kind like a bum through wine

It's my time so I'm gonna shine like lead

Old as piss, but small as ass

Watch me pass smoke some hash

You're raking grass while I'm raking cash

High-ass voice like Aaron Nevelle

And I'm down with The Devil

he put on one helluva show and beed thanks him for it. great music......much juggalage and beed definitely thanks him for that. i posted this when i got home but this morning have edited it and tried to add a little more detail to it. i truly thank my buddy who is 10 years my senior and he still pushes me to get out and do crazy ass shit like going to a kid rock show. he's the same one that wants to go to buenos aires and if my f'in passport ever comes back i might just go. i mailed that sumbitch on january 23 and it still ain't back. and it is not my first. it's my third one. they last ten years and a freakin' renewal should not take this long.

u rock kid rock. u definitely gave me my 35 dollahs worth last night. and when u played "cowboy" all beed could think of was his buddy that died from cancer that loved that song.

it's all good homie

dahbeed. (david)

bullshitters.......why do they bother?

2006-02-21T19:47:00.000-06:00

okay, let beed get this rant out of his system before he pontificates on bullshitters. beed HATES assholes that have to talk on a cellphone and let it effect their already pitiful driving skills. today beed had a craving for a steak and shake double cheeseburger. but that meant he had to circumnavigate scottsville road at lunch hour.

beed got behind one male idiot in a p.o.s. car that was more interested in his cell phone conversation than paying attention to driving. then he got behind a stupid ho' in a lexus that was suffering from the same malady. if ya'll evah read the daily snooze about some lunatic that cut another driver off and then was arrested for shoving a cellphone up another driver's asshole then if u love beed u will come down and bail him out.

beed is a lovah not a fightah but people that think they absolutely have to be flapping their gums instead of driving can push the beedstah to near insanity and it almost happened at lunch today.

okay, beed, calm down......breathe in......breathe out.

allright.....back to bullshitters. eveybody works with at least one. they tell some bullshit story and u stand there and try to keep your mouth from dropping open because of the totally unbelievable story that they are relaying to you. somebody please post a comment to this post and explain to beed how someone can honestly think you are so f'in moronic that you would believe the fiction that they are telling you.

back when beed was an electronics technician one of his co-workers (another e.t.) told him a story about when he was in vietnam. now beed has the utmost respect for veterans. but hayzues cristo on a popsicle stick. the story beed is fixin' to relate would not be believed by anyone with a double digit i.q.

one day this co-worker....let's call him george (that is his real first name) told beed and some co-workers that when he was in 'nam that he and his buddies had trained a rat (that's right, a f'in RAT) how to sniff out booby traps. he said that this rat could pick out a trip wire and then walk to the other end and find out what it was attached to.

beed can just picture this rat......walkin' through the bush......holding up it's little paw in a shhhhhh gesture and then following the trip wire until it found the ultimate bomb. but it gets better. this rat was so intelligent it was able to teach the company dog (perro) how to do the same.

now beed likes to get into the firewater but he ain't nevah been drunk enough to believe that a freakin' rodent could perform those abilities and then teach 'em to a dog. this bullshitter also told us that when they were firing artillery and some of the shells would jam that this rat would push the jammed shell with it's little paws until it was ready to fire.

here is what beed wants to know.......ya'll remember beed wants to know why someone does something instead of what they do. why do they tell stories like this? do we look that f'in dumb that we will quiz them with...."what did u name the rat?" "do you think he should have been put up for promotion?"

beed has worked with some bullshitters that if u added up all their stories of what they did in their past they would need to be 78 years old when you knew they were in their mid-fourties. what drives them to tell such outlandish stories? do they really think you will believe them?

anyhoo, whenever beed thinks of the rat story he just busts a freakin' gut thinkin' about it. he has to put it in his "bullshit hall of fame". c'mon......whatever few poor souls visit beeds rambling blog......tell beed in the comments section what is the biggest bullshit story you have ever listened to. what story just had you shaking your head and saying......"do i look that damn stupid?" please don't answer that one to beed as he knows he looks that stupid.

but for the life of beed....please tell him he ain't the only one that works with folks that tell tall tales.

your buddy,

paul bunyan (dahbeed)

here is the house.....go read the other first!

2006-02-20T19:06:00.000-06:00

after the delicious breakfast and the equal to crack coffee (tinta) the owner of the house had his son take us to a private beach. this is no shit......the snorkeling was unreal. the colors and varieties of the tropical fish would blow you away!

it was a wonderful time. here is a photo of the boy that took us to the private beach. he was around 12 years old but his old man had already put him to work in the family business.

he was supposed to come back and pick us up at a pre-arranged time.....and he did. right on the money. the only bad part of the excursion was that this island had a sort of sand flea that went by the nick-name of no-see-ums. they bite your ass and leave a welt before you know it.

anyhoo, we all had a blast. we had a fortuitous breakfast. we snorkeled and saw beautiful tropical fishes. just another wonderful blessing in beed's blessed life.

oh yeah, u could order lobster from the local restaraunts for like 6 bucks. of course jairo and melvin had nevah eaten lobstah so it wuz definitely a treat for them. there was also some kind of mardi gras type celebration goin on the island so once again beed lucked into a good time.

if beed can upload one more photo it is of jairo and melvin on the dc-3 from san pedro sula to the island.....beed wuz in no way comfortable with this puddle jumper. this mug must have been built in the freakin' 50's. beed don't love to fly at all and this old mug just added to his paranoia's. but any real flight is a good flight and we did take off and touch down safely.

beed has no idea why he was allowed to post 3 photos on this post but only 2 on the last one. he really tried to get them all on the same post.

anyhoo, last year, beed got two letters from jairo and melvin. both of them seem to be doing well now. they are grownups. they are married and seem successful to an outside observer. beed only hopes that he in some small way was able to open these boys eyes to that big world out there in front of them.

beed needs to someday return to honduras and go to oropoli and see what kind of men that jairo and melvin have turned into. he has a belief that they turned out allright.

your buddy,

jaques cousteaux,

the beedster

jairo y melvin.......(high-ee-do and melbin)

2006-02-20T18:44:00.000-06:00

if u've been readin' beed for awhile u know he has two adopted boys from honduras. that is melvin on the left and jairo on the right. beed met these two boys on his first trip to oropoli honduras. beed became good friends with their families and the next year when we went back to oropoli, beed axed their parents if he could take them to roatan.

there are a string of islands off the northern coast of honduras. the water is second to none anywhere in the world. it's funny cuz the islanders speak english with a brit' accent. anyhoo, their families let them go with beed and some of his friends to the islands. beed wuz just tryin' to open them up to something they would prolly nevah see on their own. after a week of workin' in the dental clinic beed and his buds were ready for some downtime on the isle of roatan.

beed worked it out so we could stay an extra week and explore one of honduras' hidden jewels. we ended up stayin' at a decent hotel but not one of the dive resorts that roatan is famous for. here is a photo of jairo and melvin snorkeling at the hotel dock.

since we weren't at a dive resort, beed and company set up a trip to the other side of the island to do some snorkeling. our resident translator, a former m.k. (missionary kid) set us up with a trip to the other side of the island.

we woke up late on the day in question. the hotel restaraunt wasn't open yet so we jumped into the taxi that would carry us to the place we needed to be. we arrived at an old house where they rented out snorkeling gear. since we had nuttin' to eat, audrey (the m.k.) axed the ownahs of the casa if they could fix us sumpin' to eat. they said "shua, for 3 bucks apiece" what a freakin' dealio. they fixed us some eggs ranchero ('beed had to pick the onions out as he hates them) they had some really strong black coffee that they refer to as "tinta" (ink). yowza, this shit had beed breaking out in a sweat on his forehead.

here is the house where we ate breakfast: this is pissing me off. beed can't get the photo to upload so he is gonna publish this post and then start over at part 2 so he can upload the photos.

my boy........courtney lee

2006-02-18T08:25:00.000-06:00

beed is gonna try a different text color, if it's hideous he won't use it again.

sorry folks, no chance to post yesterday. beed's boss, the plant manager is back from his detail and he has come back with a vengeance. he's been stomping his big foot down on what he sees as apathy at our plant.

good for him as u guys know beed's feelings about work if u've been reading him. only problem, even beed is not left out of the crossfire. so beed has been on his p's and q's all week plus he had two major projects to finish on thursday and friday so he been busy as hell. but it's all good. a weight has been lifted from beed's skinny assed shoulders as those 2 things had been hanging over him and now they are gone.

now on to the title and the video clip at the top. it's a clip of SUPER-SOPH coutney lee nailing the game winning shot in little rock with 1.7 seconds left. it's not a surprise tho' as nothing this kid does surprises dahbeed. he may very well be the best hilltopper that beed has ever watched in person......think about that one......remember how old beed is. tengo cuarenta y seis anos. i am 46 years old.

beed saw jim mcdaniels on the tube but not live. but beed has seen live, johnny britt, tellis frank, clarence martin, brett mcneal, roland shelton, tony wilson, kannard johnson, darnell mee, mark bell, chris robinson and more recently chris marcus and anthoy winchester. those are some damn fine players, to a man. but after watching courtney lee for the last 2 years, he may very well be the best of the lot. if his improvement curve remains for his final two years as it has been his first two then beed ain't going out on a very small limb to say he will be the best he's witnessed in a hilltopper uni.

beed followed courtney his senior year through the indy star online. he had a fine senior season and beed thought we were getting a good player but had no idea he would be this good. there is no way in hell you can name 10 better sophomores in the country than courtney lee. and that is not homerism. he is that good.

beed wondered how he would improve over his freshman year which was fantastic. he improved by extending his range on his 3 point shot. he shoots them much deeper this year than he did last year and there has been no real drop off on his shooting percentage.

he still takes it to the rack with authority. he still rebounds like a fiend and has been one of the top players in the country in steals per game. he can play lockdown defender on an opponent. he needs to improve his ball handling skills......not because they are bad......but he will need even better handles at the next level. and this kid has next level written all over him.

beed wrote a post on hilltopper haven awhile back that courtney can be our dwayne wade. the thread got high-jacked into a courtney is not as good as d. wade post. that was never beed's intention. beed said courtney could have the impact on the western program that dwayne wade had on marquette's program. as in make a deep run into the ncaa's before he leaves western and make western a household name again.

well, there is a little snow on the ground this morning but the roads look clear. beed is geeked about the bracket buster game today. he has his tickets and will be rockin' in the free world at least an hour before the game. to be followed fo' sho' a good time at b-dubs. and that is win or lose cuz that is just how beed rolls.

of course the beedster wants us to win and will be disappointed if we lose but beed don't live and die by it anymore. there are just so many things larger than a basketball game. not many in the commonwealth of kentucky but there are things larger.

peace out, (yeah beed knows that is dated, but still likes it)

your friend, the basketball geek

dahbeed

keeping beed humble........WHAT!!!!

2006-02-16T10:02:00.000-06:00

keep beed humble.......... you're killin' us beed. how do u keep someone with an ego this large in check?

well, u start with the two photos above. they hang on the wall in dahbeed's office. it's hard to see clearly in the bottom one but it is a little boy cradling his naked brother in his arms. beed did not take this photo, a lady from knoxville tennessee did and beed got a copy from her when we got back from honduras. it was taken in the capital city, tegucigalpa. to this day it remains one of the most pitiful images beed has seen.

the one on the top was taken in a little village in the southern part of honduras by the name of oropoli. beed did take this one. it was a beautiful little girl holding her infant brother and beed axed her could he take her photo and she agreed to but that mona lisa like smile is the best beed could get out of her. (u won't be able to see it, but trust beed, it was mona lisa like)

beed sent a story to a friend trying to explain why he is the way he is, in re, constantly a glass half full individual instead of a glass half empty. he departed from the third person in it and is not going to go back and change it for that reason. it's a story about something that happened in that little village of oropoli. there is a tragic element to it but there is also an uplifting element to it. and it is all true. anyhoo, here goes:

i can promise u that my life has been blessed already. i grew up in a broken home....a pretty rough upbringing. very, very poor. and God has blessed me with sooooooo much.

that is why i am always so positive on hilltopper haven......why i am always such a glass half full guy. my 20 trips to central america have really shaped me as a person. i was aware of how blessed i was already because of my travels during the marine corps......the poverty in egypt and kenya was stark....i had grown up poor but not the kind of poor that i witnessed in those countries.

i could tell u so many stories from my trips to c.a. one year we were in a small village named oropoli. i got to the clinic early and there was this pitifully poor couple waiting and i asked them what was up and they said their baby boy, around 2 years old was having convulsions...they feared he had been bitten by some type of poisonous spider and they had mixed up some homemade concoction but it had done no good. they wanted to know when a doctor would be in the clinic.

i had them wait and i ran back up to where the mission team was staying....everyone was still milling around after breakfast. i grabbed a doctor from tompkinsville and his wife (she was a nurse) and drug them to the clinic as fast as we could go.

they got an i.v. in him and said he needed to go to the hospital in the capital city.....over 4 hours away. a bunch of us took up an offering to pay for any medical bills. they took off in a jeep with the little boy in the nurse's arms.

the doc had been with us before but this was her first trip. i went to work in the clinic. several hours later they came back. the boy had been okay while they were driving the bouncy back roads (unpaved) but when they got on the highway he died in the nurse's arms.

she was so broken up as we all were. this was when little david was about the same age as that child. all i could think of was that if it had happened in b.g. i would have just rushed him to the hospital and not tried some homemade concoction and little dee would have been okay.

the next year we came back and we were actually working in the same village. some locals came to me because they knew i could speak spanish. this was late at night and they were looking for dahbeed cuz everyone in the village knew who i was. the locals learn early on who hablas and who doesn't.

they told me that there was a woman ready to have a baby and the local midwife was worried that there were going to be problems and could we get a doctor and nurse to help out. guess who was on the trip again?

the nurse that had the baby die in her arms. she and her husband went to the house and delivered a healthy baby. i just don't believe in coincidence.........you cannot convince me that God was not mending that nurse's heart.

the previous year she watched a baby die in her arms and that year she got to be part of bringing a new life into this world. so don't ever wonder why i am such a positive person.

p.s. i would love to keep a baseball bat in my office to chase some of our whiners at work off with. the AVERAGE salary around here is 20.00 dollars per hour. it's a climate controlled environment. the average job is not sitting in an office, it does involve some manual labor but it damn sure ain't working in the coal mines.

and beed promises u, he never tries to come off holier than thou to his co-workers (beed, holy.....that's another good one). but beed has a very low tolerance when one of them starts off on a rant about how bad this place sucks.

just beed's $0.02 worth.

the humble,

dahbeed ghandi ;-)

a pirate looks at 40.....(45)

2006-02-15T10:36:00.000-06:00

the photo above is douglas-keen hall. it is where dahbeed's oldest son dahbicito currently resides. it is located on the far end of the western kentucky university campus. dahbicito is a freshman at western.

dahbeed wrote a story that chronicled the day we moved him to campus. beed thought some of you that may have missed it might enjoy it. beed knows that any of you that have moved a child off to college will be damn sure be able to relate to it. beed honestly ain't just bein' lazy today.

one of beed's favorite writers on hilltoppah haven is a gentleman who goes by the name of shunpiker. he and beed have become pretty good friends. beed is also going to include shunpiker's response to beed's original story as it damn near had beed in tears. here goes:

a pirate looks at 40......(45)

beed has always loved that song but he done passed the 40, cinco years ago. all ya'll know that beed's oldest son is an incoming freshman at wku this year cuz beed done posted it several times. as beed said earlier, it didn't bother him when dahbicito turned 18 but it jacked him up when the little one graduated this spring.

today was another momentous milestone for the beed crew. beed, the esposa, dahbicito and miguelito packed up the nissan quest with all of dahbicito's belongings........clothes, t.v., laptop and x-box and headed for the hill. douglas keen hall to be exact. our crew rolled in there at 9:00 and there were already many peeps with their stuff on the sidewalk.

a couple of young students facilitating the event told us we could only unload quickly and then move our hoopties to egypt (for non western folks, not the egypt of the middle east, that would be insane, it is a nickname for a parking lot at western). we unloaded all of it, left the esposa to watch the gear and re-pahked the cahs.

it was already smokin hot outside. beed and dahbicito rolled up to preston and signed up for master plan......oops, another 125 bucks, thank u very much.

so far western has been able to separate beed from his dinero at a rapid pace. anyhoo, beed somewhere in the process lost his damn car keys......no pockets on his fly ass western kentucky basketball shorts. beed had tucked them in his waistband and they fell out somewhere. beed goes to the front desk.....anybody turn in some keys? nope. went back to preston and axed the same question. nope. so the beed crew went back and carried everything up to dahbicito's room.

his roomate had not arrived yet. dahbicito started working on hooking up his electronics gear. beed started working on dahbicito's clothes. the esposa started in on making the bed. it was a well oiled machine folks. we left campus for the casa by 11:15. by the time we got the room finished someone had turned in the keys to the front desk at keen. dahbicito followed us home cuz he had forgotten a few items.....cable for the t.v., some cat 5 cables for his laptop and x-box and his printer.

he's ready to leave the house and beed says "come here boy, give your daddy a hug" we hug and beed tells him how much he loves him and how proud of him he is and that he knows he will make the right decisions. miguelito gives him a hug and tells him he loves him. (he promptly took over dahbicitos room but is already missing his big brother) miguelito really looks up to his big brother and beed has told dahbicito that one of the reasons he has to do right is that he has to set an example for little bro.

then it is time for him to hug his mama and she starts squirtin and warning him about all of the evils out there......drugs, liquor, and worst of all GIRLS. actually beed had an earlier conversation with dahbicito and told him about the road he was about to embark upon and all of the great things there were at college.....drugs, liqour and GIRLS. just kiddin' folks. dahbicito is 18 and a good kid. u got to turn loose of them at some stage and the esposa is havin' a bit of a struggle wit that.

he's already called the house 3 times since he got back on campus. he's bought his books and met his roomate and his parents. beed is enjoying the hell out of this. he wanted to room with a buddy but his friends parents won't let him in the dorms first semester so dahbicito got the randomly picked roommate.

dahbicito almost backed out of going to the dorms because of this but beed told him to look at it as an adventure. heck, this guy could end up becoming your best friend. could be the best man in your wedding. of course he could turn out like the jim carey character in "the cable guy"

anyhoo, this wuz a big day for beed. he hasn't cried.........yet. so this pirate takes a look at 45 and thanks the good Lord for everything he has been blessed with. beed will keep ya'll up on the college experience from the beed casa.

shunpiker's response

The cannons don't thunder

There's nothing to plunder

I'm an over 40 victim of fate

Well, I'm not 40 yet, but it is approaching too quickly. I still have eight months of my thirties left.

Dang, beed, I almost cried while reading your post.

I thought back to my first day at WKU in 1984. My father and I packed everything I owned into the trunk of his Oldsmobile and trucked down I-65 south to Bowling Green. My life was forever altered from the moment we pulled away from our old house in Louisville.

What makes me sad is that dad was relatively a young man that day he dropped me off at Barnes Campbell Hall. I can still see him sitting on my dorm room bed in his suit and tie (always a snazzy dresser) and his black hair slicked back like he was some sort of gangster. I've always been close to my father, and now that ham handed, black headed man of 1984 has a head full of gray hair and slight tremble in his fingers. I'm the one in charge when we do things together. Your post made the 21 years between then and now evaporate.

I'll never forget that day and the excitement and fear I felt as I watched dad cruise that Olds out of the parking lot. Sometimes I wish I could rekindle that combination of feelings.

This weekend at the State Fair I talked to several incoming freshman on The Hill. I enjoyed listening to their perspective on starting school at Western. The cycle of life that Western has is truly amazing. I'm sure it's not unique, but I don't care about any other college. I enjoy watching and listen to that cycle unfold at Western. For a time this weekend, while talking to current and future Western students, I was a part of that cycle -- a middle-aged alumni swapping advice and stories with school's future.

It's funny to think that my cycle with Western started on a November? December? night in 1978 when my brother snuck me into Western's basketball game against Duke.

it's a small world........part dos

2006-02-14T15:09:00.000-06:00

okay, it's that day of the year that is completely contrived and pushed upon us by the flower stores, peddlars of chocolate and the greeting card industry like a pimp pushes crack on one of his ho's.

that miniature rant out of the way, dahbeed would love to wish a HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to any of beed's female readers. if you have been reading beed for a while then u know there are two things he absolutely loves and they are western kentucky university basketball and WOMANS. if u didn't know that go back and read beed's ode to the finer sex of the species titled "womans......beed loves 'em".

beed hopes that every one of his female readers at least got some kind of acknowlegement that said "yes, there is someone that loves you" . it doesn't have to be a thousand dollar necklace. just some form of acknowlegement. u ladies deserve it for puttin' up with the stupid shit that we guys can do. now, back on point beed!!!! quit rambling dammit!!!

back in the summer of 1980 dahbeed was still in the marine corps. a 20 year old skinny little shite. an E-4 (corporal) avionics technician. beed worked on the electronics that lets an aircraft identify if an incoming aircraft is a friend or foe.

beed was scheduled to go on a med cruise. trust beed on this one, don't confuse that word "cruise" with any definition that u have of it. this was not a love boat. it was the u.s.s. guadalcanal lph-7 (lph stands for landing platform, helicopter) this is how these cruises work......the squids (the sailors) provide the boat and the jarheads (the marines) provide a squadron of helicopters and also a bunch of grunts (infantry men) to be carried around in the helos.

here are a few things you may not know about the marine corps and the navy. we don't like each other. as a marine, u are taught from day one of recruit training (boot camp) to look down upon sailors with contempt. they don't know how to march, they play volleyball in boot camp, their uniforms always look like shit and since when did dungarees count as a uniform anyway. they look down upon us. they think we are knuckle dragging neanderthals.

as a squid told dahbeed one time "don't forget that the marine corps is a department of the navy" to which the beedster replied "you're damn right it is, it's the MENS department". it's cats vs. dogs, we don't like each other and we don't bother to hide it.

but if u guys know baron von beedenstein at all, u know that beed is a pretty open minded individual and also don't mind swimming upstream if he thinks the cause is worthy.

during the med cruise, beed had become friends with a squid named miles mehaffey. he was from california and had that real laid back california cool about him. he also had an uncle that was a professional golfer but beed can't remember his first name now. miles had come on the cruise with us but not all the way from norfolk virginia. he came aboard after we hit our first port which was rota, spain.

rota is a nice little town, or it was back then. beed loved strolling the streets in the evening and sampling all of the different sangrias from the different sangria stands lining the streets. anyhoo, miles was stationed at the naval base in rota and he just went out with different ships. he was also in electronics but he was involved in the ships electronics. while we were still in the med, miles told beed that when we got back to rota that he would invite beed out to his apartment for a good spaghetti dinner.

he was not housed in base housing so he and a buddy shared an apartment near the central park area of rota. so we made it back to rota and beed caught a taxi to miles' apartment. spaghetti is probably a guys favorite dish to make. it's pretty hard to screw it up and who doesn't love pasta.

after dinner we are enjoying some sangria and started talking about everyones background. beed axed miles' roommate (beed can in no freakin' way remember the guy's name) where he was from. he replied "orlando florida", beed says "no shit, i'm from orlando too originally". his roommate added "well not really orlando, it's altamonte springs, a suburb of orlando" beed said "same here, not really orlando, it's winter park but nobody has ever heard of it so i always say orlando". here is where the small world coincidence occured.

beed told him "hey, i have cousins that live in altamonte springs, they went to lake brantley high school" the roommate said "hell, that's where i went to high school, what are your cousins names?" beed replied "well the one our age is named lonnie carter". now homie gets excited and says "hell, i know lonnie well, not only did we graduate together, i worked at winn-dixie with him" bet ya'll were wondering what in the hell beed had a photo of winn-dixie at the top for.

beed travels halfway around the world, meets a guy one time on a chance dinner with a new found friend and the new guy just happened to know beed's favorite first cousin. we were only a few months apart and spent every day together the first five years of our lives. what are the chances of that happening?

ya'll quit bein' lazy and tell beed one of ya'll's small world stories in the comments section. beed changed the settings so u can post anonymously. hell, post as moe howard, nobody has to know who you are. everybody has at least one small world story and beed wants to believe that he ain't the only person that strange shit like this happens to.

sinceremente,

the honorable sir beedly

it's a small world..........after all

2006-02-13T16:25:00.000-06:00

beed has had more than one small world occurences and is gonna share dos (two) of 'em with u. the first one involves another trip to honduras and the second occured when dahbeed was in the marine corps.

okay, beed is on a medical/dental mission trip in honduras. several times in the past, beed would not fly back with the team. he would stay in country for another week and travel. this time beed was accompanied by a good buddy that had been in the marine corps with beed and now lived in texas.

when we were in the marine corps we had been on a med cruise (trust beed here, it's nuttin' like a love boat cruise). one of our ports of call was alexandria egypt. beed and his bud took off immediately for cairo and got to see the sphynx and the great pyramids of giza. so beed wanted to see some mayan pyramids in the northern part of honduras.

we had 4 little boys with us that we knew from previous years. we were trying to show them some things that they would normally nevah have a shot at on their own. if we're doing a story on a third world trip, u will inevitably be treated to a bus trip story. the first bus from the capital city tegucigalpa to san pedro sula was nice. a very clean greyhound style bus with only tickets sold for number of passengers. air conditioned and comfy as hell.

we arrive at one bus station in san pedro sula and have to take a taxi the other bus station. on the way there we saw a dead man in the street and there was military and cops everywhere. it turns out he was a union organizer and was assassinated by some big money folks that didn't relish the idea of paying a fair wage. anyhoo, we get to the new place and buy our tickets. it was one of those old blue bird school buses. we leave san pedro and are on our merry way

we stop in every little town there was and pretty soon the bus is starting to fill up. and guess what......it was a chicken bus.....the kind of bus where people are bringing live chickens on the bus and sitting with them in their laps. beed knows that is a stereotype but he'll swear on a stack of bibles that it happened.

anyhoo, now the bus is packed. beed and his buddy tere, and the 4 boys could not in good conscience sit while there were beat down poor little old ladies standing in the aisle. we gave our seats up to them. none of the men down there were giving theirs up.

we reach the end of the line and have to take another smaller bus from la entrada a copan to copan. it was not crowded at all and we had a nice trip. probably around 8 hours total on the 3 buses.

we got a room at the nicest hotel in the city......pretty decent rooms but nothing like you are used to in the states. and the showers even had hot water. not like here but there is a little device attached to the shower head and u turn it on and it heats the water as it passes through the head. the key is to not turn the water on high volume so it heats it better.

we had met two young girls that were travelling together. one was a brit and the other girl was german. they were around 19 and the adventurous type. anyhoo, they were travelling on a limited budget so we offered them the use of our showers since they had hot water. not while we were in the room mind u, we would let them use it and we would wait in the restaraunt.

we had met some big wig professor from penn state who was working on a dig down there. in the states he prolly wouldn't have given us the time of day.....beed has seen this guy quoted in old national geographic articles chronicalling his dig at the ruins. but a white face and english is a welcome thing when u are living in honduras and he invited us to dinner with him and we in turn had invited the young ladies.

it was a great time.....good food....pretty girls......an interesting as hell professor and really good conversationalist. and if u been readin' the beedster for awhile u can tell he's quite the conversationalist himself. anyhoo, the young ladies arrive at the table and say "thanks A LOT for the hot shower" we replied quizically "what do u mean by that?" huffily they said "the water was NOT hot".

we questioned them again "did u turn the switch on the widowmaker (slang term for the device...picture electrical wiring in a shower) on?" "errrrr, what switch?" we all had a big laugh over that one as beed and his buddy had already had a few adult bevarages with the prof.

the professor axed us when we were going back and we replied on saturday. he then axed us if we would like a ride back to san pedro sula in a s.u.v. instead of taking the buses. we're talking the difference between over 4 hours and chickens on the buses and only two hours in a chevy suburban. it's a no brainer.

we had dinner every night with the professor and just had a very good little vacation. btw, the pyramids, tho' very interesting pale in comparison to those big mammer jammers in egypt. not even close.

saturday arrives and the prof is not going, he's sending a couple of his workers and a grad student to pick up some supplies. so we pile in the s.u.v. and start chatting. beed axed the grad student where he went to school and he told beed "vanderbilt" beed says "oh really, i live pretty close to vandy, bowling green to be exact.....do u know where that is"

he said "not only do i know where it is, i used to live there when i was a kid. my dad was a professor at western and i attended jones-jaggers elemenary school". this school used to be a school for the western professors kids. beed axed him what years did u live there. we started asking and answering questions and it turns out that this kid had been a friend of beed's best friend in elementary school.

so here we are, a couple thousand miles from bowling green, way up in the northeast corner of honduras and beed runs into someone like that. it was cool as hell and made for a really nice drive back to san pedro sula. he drops us off and we make sure that he let the professor once again know how much we enjoyed his hospitality and and his kindness. he assured us that he would.

this damn thing go so long beed is gonna have to wait for another day to do the other one. how about u guys. where is the strangest place that u have had a small world experience?

sinceremente (sincerely)

indiana beed (in honor of indiana jones....that's who beed felt like amid those ruins)

beed's gato (cat).........smokey ;-)

2006-02-11T15:03:00.000-06:00

the photo above is not really beed's cat smokey....but it could damn sure pass for his twin. if anyone remembers when dahbeed moved dahbicito into the dorms for his first days of college u will remember the story of smokey the cat.

after we moved 'cito into his dorm.....hid the tears about the fact that your firstborn was actually going to college and returned to an eerily quiet home we got a new cat. how u say? beed is gonna tell u even if u don't axe. it was so quiet with dahbicito not in the house. the esposa was watchin' the tube upstairs, miguelito was in his room and beed wus inevitably surfin' haven.

the upstairs door opened and closed and in walks dahbicito with this tiny little black cat. beed's niece down the street had a cat that had kittens. beed had said no more animals. we had one old calico cat (creatively named callie by beed's kids) that was squirrelly as hell. we had lost our baby dog last december (hit by a car) and beed didn't want any more drama.

when u raise kids, they love to have pets. let's see, we've had dogs, cats, goldfish, exotic fish, hamsters and even a tiny little turtle. beed has wiped away many a tear and assured young boys that there is an animal heaven and performed eulogies for each animal that passed on.

but with the boys growing up beed didn't want to be stuck with and care for animals as the boys move on to teenage-dom. beed axed 'cito....."what are you doing back so soon" he replied, "oh i was just bored so i went to visit amber (first cousin) and play with her kittens. beed thinks there mighta been a little separation anxiety but dahbicito would nevah admit to that. miguelito immediately blurts out "can we keep him daddy?"

beed replied (beed is such a freakin' softy) "well hell, we lost one today, we might as well gain another to take his place." this kitten was completely black with these huge green eyes. hell, it was pretty much all ears and eyes at the time.

beed ain't gonna get into one of those stupid cat people versus dog people discussions as beed has been both his whole life. beed is gonna come out of the closet in all his sissy-ness and admit he loves cats. they remind him of women in that they move so gracefully. their personalities are like women too. they will give u attention only when THEY deem necessary. they basically have their owners wrapped around their fingers the way u ladies do us.

and also like women they let us pretend we are the owner and the boss when they in fact hold all the freakin' cards and we are at their beck and call.

anyhoo, smokey has turned into a cat that is now around 6 months old and absolutely runs this freakin' joint. he is so freakin' awesome. he is such an interesting personality and full of energy. since beed is always the first one up every morning, smokey follows him all ovah the house as he's gettin' ready for another day at the grindstone. when he first gets up he is a freakin' purrin' machine. beed is runnin' around the house and smokey is constantly running between his legs and sounds like a little four legged feline motorboat.

another thing that cracks beed up about smokey. he is the absolute arbiter of what is allowed to move in this house. if he doesn't think something (like beed's shoelaces) should be moving he'll follow it with those big green eyes and then at the opportune moment he will pounce and attack the offender.

and nobody or anything gets a pass. one morning beed had the snow report on and the schools were scrolling across the bottom. and they were doing it without smokey's permission. so he jumps up next to the t.v. and as the words were scrolling off the screen to the left smokey starts hittin' em with his paws as if he can stop them from scrolling off the screen.

he constantly attacks beeds shoelaces as he is tying his shoes for the morning. and he attacks any mouse that is stupid enough to come into the open on his watch. beed lives in the country and every winter beed gets damned field mice that come into the house to escape the cold. to their peril now. beed finally owns a freakin' mouser. of all the cats beed has owned. not one of them was worth a shit as a mouser but smokey has turned into a damn fine one.

he doesn't just kill them though. he likes to play with them after he has disabled them. he picks 'em up with his paws and pitches them up into the air and when they land he dives in for a quick combination of left-right-left that leaves the poor rodent even more bamboozled. by then beed waits for smokey to take them in his mandibles and beed grabs him up and puts the two of them outside so they can settle their differences out in the wild not unlike his bigger cousins (lions) do with wildebeasts.

this morning as beed came downstairs to check out the haven, smokey was hot on his tail. he jumped up into beed's lap and went into his motorboat rendition as beed stroked him. but he got fed up watching that damn mouse cursor move all over the monitor without his permission. beed watched as smokey's eyes followed it all ovah the screen and then he pounced. paws all ovah the keyboard and he just couldn't seem to grasp why that damn cursor kept moving even as he kept strikin' it with his paws.

yup, that damn smokey is sumpin' else. and he does run the joint.

your buddy (the sissy cat lover)

dahbeed

socialization.........internet style

2006-02-10T13:45:00.000-06:00

"socialization is a process that begins at birth and continues throughout the rest of our lives. from the perspective of society, we are "barbarians" when we are born. as we come into contact with other individuals and groups we learn various rules of behavior...norms...and we learn to conform to particular roles. this process is referred to as socialization and it helps us to define who we are and how we are expected to behave in social situations. "

beed got that definition from a paper he read on the effects that the internet is having on our socialization patterns. that paper does not say so but beed has read other articles that stated that the internet is the equivalent to anathema in re socialization. they say that we folks that enjoy the internet are faceless souls that never get out and mingle, preferring to hide in our basement family rooms in front of a monitor.

now beed is sure that is the case with some folks. they will say things on a message board or in an i.m. that they would not dream of saying to another person face to face, and that is a powerful thing. the old saying "sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" is not entirely true.

they can't physically hurt you, but palabras (words) are very powerful indeed and once they've left your mouth or your keyboard it's too late.....that bell can't be unrung. beed sees examples of it all the time on the sports message boards he frequents. someone sees a dissenting opinion and they go into bash mode calling the dissenter names and completely trashing their opinion. and beed is by no means without sin on this subject. he has written some truly stoopid shit and wished he could have taken them back.

but beed digresses.....he wants to state that in HIS particular case he has made many new friends just because of the internet and especially because of a particular sports message board. on the absolutely freak occurence that anybody besides beed's 3 or 4 buddies that read this site would read this blog beed will mention the board. it's the hilltopperhaven.com sports message board. there is a link to it on the right hand side.

several years ago, we all decided to meet some of the faces behind the names and br1045 (jan) put it all together and around 15 or so of us showed up at o'charley's. it was like we already knew each other from our on screen personalities. since that time we have had an annual gathering and one year beed met a college kid that was getting called out by a drunk toppah fan at buffalo wild wings. the kid really handled the situation well and beed was impressed with his maturity and hung out with him the rest of the night.

beed ended up inviting the kid (murph) out to his house for a home cooked meal. that was an awful long time ago......my how time flies. murph would bring his college buddies out on friday evening for pizza and fun with the beed household. he was old enough to speak on sports with beed but young enough to fight and argue and play video games with beed's two boys.

beed wuz wonderin' one time......why would young college kids want to come out to an old guy's house on a friday night instead of doin' sumpin' with other kids. it finally hit beed, his casa reminded murph and all his friends of their casas and these were just a good bunch of kids that didn't run home every weekend.

beed still keeps up with these kids as they are now young adults. last night there was an impromptu gathering at b-dubs to watch the western kentucky vs. denver hoops game. beed didn't count how many were in attendance but there were a bunch of us there. lots of people were introducing themselves by their screen names.

beed has made many new friends directly from the haven. he has 2 new college kids that he has invited out for a lasagna dinner on sunday afternoon. they are ricker and topofnky. they are both one year ahead of beed's son dahbicito who is a freshman at western. or they might be 2 years ahead of him. beed can't remember for sure.

beed has made friends with a gentleman who goes by the moniker of shunpiker. he's the only person beed has met on haven that may very well be as quirky as him. beed met swordfish at a game this year. there's not a wittier guy on the board.

beed has known txtop through the internet for at least 12 years and as his job finally brought him to bowling green we have become pretty good friends. the same goes for tjo. good guys that beed now counts as a friend.

beed guesses u could easily become an internet hermit but he and his friends now get together after every home game for some wings, a couple of brews and a whole bunch of laughing and doggin' on each other. beed don't unnastand why, but he usually has the biggest target on his chest for gettin' dogged out.

btw, on the little video clip at the top, the first kid is beed's son....dahbicito (little david) and the really skinny old man with the shiny dome and wearin' a wku 33 jersey is none other than yours truly, the beedster. one of beed's new college kids shot that with his phone beed believes.

beed didn't even come close to mentioning all of the new friends he made via the internet but he can personally refute that the internet is stunting socialization in beed's tiny little world.

yours truly,

beedle (in honor of google)

the ONLY white boy on the bus!

2006-02-09T15:08:00.000-06:00

it wuz a bus on par with this one and beed wuz the only gringo on the damn thing. more on that later.....some background first. dahbeed has been on 20 medical/dental mission trips to honduras and nicaragua. he's done just about every job on the team except play doctor or nurse. he has pulled some teeth before but that is for another story.

it was a baptist organization and they are doing wonderful things in central america. they roll into a little village with around 50 plus gringos and prolly at least 20 of the local mission staff. anyhoo, two years before beed had befriended 2 young boys in a village named oropoli, he became such good friends with the boys and their families that they trusted beed and some of his friends to take them to snorkel up in some caribean islands and the next year to some mayan ruins.

well they knew beed wuz coming down again and they wanted to go work with our team. they met us at the mission house but there wasn't going to be enough room for them so beed grabbed them, shared a cab with a doctor from mobile alabama and his daughter and a pharmacist and we went to get a hotel room. we would catch a cab the next morning to meet the mission team before it headed out on a 9 hour bus ride.

well, let's just say that beed, the doc and the pharmacist were a little more liberal about imbibing than the rest of the mission team.....we woulda been booted to say the least. but we were at a hotel and not representing the mission team so we didn't mind having a few adult beverages amongst friends. needless to say, one shot of ta'-kill-ya (tequila) led to another and the next morning was none too kind to the beed's cabeza (head).

we packed our gear up, caught a cab and loaded up on the bus with the rest of the team. beed is dyin' and is sittin' with one of the boys....jairo....and is resting his head on his forearms on the seat in front of him tryin' to sleep amidst several rounds of kumbaya being sung at a fever pitch. we were about 2 hours outside of the capital city...tegucigalpa....and were gettin' ready to stop and load up some supplies when beed's head shot up as he realized sumpin'.

HOLY F'IN SHIT!!!!!!!!! beed had hidden his money between the mattresses at the hotel and forgot to get it out that morning. an already queasy stomach got even sicker as beed knew that whatever poor maid cleaned up his room would be tellin' him "no senor, we no haf no monee, we no fine no monee in joo room" it was 320.00 dollars u.s. and beed wuz now getting pale.

beed went to the team leader and told him about the mistake. since beed had been on so many trips before the leader suggested beed catch the next bus back into town and go to the hotel and then just take buses on his own for the 9 hour trip. so beed and jairo and melvin walked down to the bus stop and caught the next bus back. we didn't call because we didn't want to tip them off. at the bus station in tegu we grabbed a cab back to the hotel.

we went up to the manager and told him we had left something in the room so he called the maid. she said she had not found anything and beed just said, "let me in the room and i'll show u" they let beed in and he went straight to the bed as the manager and maid looked on at beed like he was a crazy gringo. beed lifted the mattress and let out a sigh of relief when he found his stash of cash. beed bets that poor little old honduran maid checked every mattress on every bed she made after that.

okay, cab back to the bus station. we grab a bus that will take us from tegu to danli, a city about the size of bowling green. this bus was a big greyhound type bus but it was very old and in poor shape but it was at least not crowded.

we get off that bus in danli and purchase tickets from danli to las trojes, the final destination. here is where the fun comes in as dahbeed is the only white face that he sees in a very crowded bus terminal. beed and jairo and melvin traipse ovah to the bus for las trojes. it's completely empty. beed counts the seats and if one person sat where one person was supposed to sit that bus would have held 24 people. but guess what, more than 24 people want on the bus and the bus driver being the entrepreneur that he was, was more than happy to oblige all of us.

by the time they got finished jamming us on there like sardines in a tin, there were around 58 people give or take a honduran.....and beed was damn sure the only gringo on there. but beed has done a bunch of traveling and that shit don't bother him.

u better be comfortable with your masculinity in a situation like that as u are truly asshole to bellybutton. a funny thing happened as we were traveling. there was a pretty young lady right next to beed and he was watching her and her grandmother as beed could not turn in any direction. this is how jammed in we were. oh yeah, u better be comfortable with the the odors of the bodies of people that routinely work in 90 degree plus heat. but beed's a trooper. he can handle it.

anyhoo, breast feeding is a common thing down there. they have not perverted the female breast where it is only a sex object like we have in the states. many a time women would be standing in the clinic line and just whip it out and stick a baby right to it to suckle. they think nothing of it as it is a natural thing. but this girl was probably around 17 years old and obviously had not seen to many white folks in her young life. anyhoo, this baby starts pawing at her.

beed could tell she didn't want to do it in front of him so, even tho' he could not physically turn his body he did avert his eyes. and her baby was not to be denied, he was pawing the hell out of her and grandma is giving her the what for about not feeding the baby. finally the baby won the battle for the boob and was immediately quieted. after about 2 hours on the road enough people had gotten off of the bus that it opened up seats for the rest of us.

around 9:00 that night beed and jairo and melvin finally drag their tired hungry asses into the mission complex. supper was already done but beed learned early on to befriend the cook and she was able to whip up some sammiches for us.

the moral of this story, don't hide your money under the mattress or don't drink any ta'-kill-ya.

but it was still an interesting day in the life of the beedster.

sinceremente, (sincerely)

el blanquito (the little whitey)

un tatuaje.........to ink or not to ink

2006-02-08T15:04:00.000-06:00

un tatuaje (a tattoo) is a decision that should be made whilst sober and of sound mind. cuz it ain't comin' off homie. beed currently has 2 tatuaje's. the one of 2 lizards chasing each other's tails on his chest that u can see in beed's profile photo. the other one is one that dahbeed designed himself, had chris at topper's fine lines tattoo parlor clean up with his artistic skills and then had chris himself perform the act on beed's right shoulder. if beed uploaded it correctly, it should be at the top of this post. remember beed is takin' baby steps on this blog.

has beed ever regretted his decision to have lines of ink pushed under his epidermis? "can i get a big HELL NAW from the congregation?" beed loves both of them and loves it during the summer when he's swimming so he can proudly display both.

u see, from the time beed saw the tattoos on his uncle, who was home visiting from the army when beed was 5, he's wanted one. beed was captivated by the few his tio (uncle) had. oh, and it's not the crazy uncle either.

but beed's momma hated them, said they were for white trash and that beed better not evah get one or it would break her heart. now beed do unnastand her point to a degree......if beed was sporting a jailhouse "t-r-u-e l-o-v-e" across his knuckles, well that could have a trashy look to it. but that ain't what beed is sportin'. his look good.

because the beedstah was a momma's boy, he honored her wishes, even as all his buddies were gettin' them while beed was in the marine corps. four years beed pined for a bulldog with USMC beneath it. but beed was a good young man and didn't go against his momma's wishes.

fast forward a whole buncha years and now tats have become much more socially acceptable. people from all walks of life, doctors, lawyers, business men join into the tattoo frenzy of the 80's. of course, bikers have always sported tats.

beed tried to talk to the esposa (wife) about him getting one and her typical response was unadulterated hysteria. beed just didn't unnastand why....it wasn't goin' on her. she would not have to put up with the pain, beed would. but she still had it in her mindset that they were only worn by white trash also.

as mentioned in a previous post, beed's middle brother died on june 19th, 1995 of malignant melanoma. we had been very close, only 18 months apart. his death did have a profound effect on beed. beed's best friend of 22 years died from a massive heart attack at the age of 39 on december 15th, 2002. another profound effect.

beed came to the realization that we only get one shot on this old orb called earth. hell, he knew that before but it just had more impact on his thinking now. beed realized that for 42 years he had been living his life to please first his momma, and then his esposa and his grandmother and mother in law.....hell the list goes on forevah and evah.

now there is nothing at all wrong with considering what your actions will have on the ones you love. but beed finally just said, "dammit, this is going to hurt nobody but me" "i've wanted one my whole life but nevah got one because of other peoples opinions on them."

maybe beed finally after 42 years grew a set. ya' think? anyhoo, he told the esposa he was gonna get one, she told him "no you can't". beed told her he wuzn't kidding but beed guesses she didn't believe him until he came home with it, at which time clocks stopped, the trains stopped running on time, there was a massive earthquake in brazil, mt. saint helens erupted again, one world calamity after another.

actually, there was just some screamin' and yellin' on her part and some holdin' his hands over his ears on beed's part as she's a damn good screamer and yeller. but time heals all wounds and she eventually accepted it and nothing terrible came from it.

a couple of years after the first one beed wanted another, this time in a place where he could wear a sleeveless shirt and display it in public. beed started out with a piece of samoan blackwork and changed it around and added the colors that were in his first tat. beed believes it's as important to color co-ordinate one's tats as it is one's slacks and socks.

at the top of the tat, it has 1961 bdc 1995. beed's hermanito's (little brother's) initials and the years he lived. in the middle it says siempre fuerte (always strong). at the bottom it has 1963 jfs 2002. yup, u guessed it, beed's best buddie's info. damn ya'll catch things quickly, but that's cuz beed don't run wit' no dummies, he runs with a sharp crowd.

beed don't know if ya'll could give a big mierda (shit) less about his tattoos but the reason he is bringing it up now is cuz beed be fixin' to get another one for his left shoulder. nuttin' huge, not a grim reaper, beed ain't completely settled on what he wants yet but he's been thinkin' of a dreamcatcher using of course the same coloring as the other 2.

he also brings this story to the blog to give all 3 of his readers some advice. if there is something that you have always wanted but never did because of others opinions, in the name of almighty nike.....just do it. if it's not gonna take food off of your families table and isn't going to physically disable anybody, do it.

beed hates it if that comes across as selfish but there are times in our lives where we can be just a teeny tiny little itty bitty bit selfish. you have been issued one life. you don't get another one (unless u believe in re-incarnation and if you do beed hopes u come back as an opossum). this ain't a kids game where you get to holla out, "i wanna do over, that wasn't fair".

thank the good Lord every morning you wake up with your health and by all means live your life to the fullest. that's why in the hell beed, a 46 year old fogey is gonna be right down in the front at the kid rock concert at the end of this month.

sincerely as always,

rat-turd (in honor of bikers everywhere, they never are just david or robert)

womans......beed loves 'em

2006-02-07T16:39:00.000-06:00

disclaimer: beed didn't know what in the hell he was doing yesterday when he made the post about womans. he actually started a separate blog to post it. today beed found out how to keep them all on one page so he has copied and pasted it so now all of his diatribes will be on this homepage..... so solly for previous incompetence.

let's dispense with the obvious right off the bat. beed knows it ain't womans, it's women. but beed used to have a very good amigo (friend) that was puerto rican named carlos (charles). carlos was one of the most intelligent people that beed has run across in his travails and travels.

he was not only book smart but he grew up in one of the rough and tumble barrios (neighborhoods) of old san juan and he was extremely street wise and tough. he spent 20 years in uncle sam's service in the u.s. army. he arrived in the u.s. and couldn't speak a lick of english. when beed knew him, carlos still had a puerto rican accent but his english and his grammar was better than the average kentuckian. (yup beed knows that is a backhanded compliment and beed loves kentuckians as he are one now, but let's be honest, we can butcher the queens english)

when carlos would get excited he would make the occasional mistake and there was not much that excited him more than women. occasionally he would say "i tell u what dahbeed, i f'in love womans" u see, the plural of mujer (woman) in spanish is mujeres (women). there is no vocalic change, it doesn't change from mujer to mujar like we do with woman and women. u can see how he would make that common mistake, especially when it was a subject that excited him.

carlos was also from the old school latino thinking that womans were the flowers of the world and men were the bees and it was our requisite charge to try and pollinate as many flowers as we could. it didn't matter that he was married. beed will tell u this, as he has spent a lot of time in latin america and has spoken to both men and women on the subject. it is almost an accepted practice down there for a man to be married and still have a girlfriend on the side.the man is not to flaunt it. the wife does not like it at all but most women down there have an opinion that men are weak creatures of the flesh and cannot help themselves in this matter. and don't get caught ....... as latina women have terrible tempers ....... remember lorena bobbitt ..... she was a latina, nuff said.

that is one helluva long explanation to a title. beed is tired already and hasn't even really addressed his subject matter.

beed loves women. beed is married and loves his esposa but beed loves women. women are definitely the more refined creature of the species. beed loves their long elegant fingers. they don't have pudgy little cigars for digits like we men have. beed also loves women with long elegant necks. beed told ya'll in his first post he was one twisted sick individual and warned u about coming back for more of his daily insanity.

beed loves to watch women doing the little things that they would consider trivial but amaze dahbeed. whilst sitting at a red light this morning beed looked in his rear view mirror and there was a young lady, prolly late 20's with her daughter, prolly 8 or 9. it was a long light and beed watched as this woman started fluffing her hair and then running her fingers through it and finally pulled it into a pony tail and then put one of those things around it to hold it ....... aren't they called scrunchies or something like that?

that little skill has always amazed beed as he has watched women do it as easily as they take in a breath. but beed has never really thought it looked easy to do. they have to hold the tail, then take the scrunchie thing and pull it on and then stretch it out and repeat a couple more times.

since beed's progeny are both male creatures, he has never had a little girl that he would have to teach these life skills to. is there a guidebook somewhere that women use to teach their daughters all of these little skills of the land of estrogen? beed is just curious because as he said earlier, it is something women do as a second nature and it is something that beed loves. keep it up women, u will never know when a twisted, sick individual like dahbeed is watching u do something that u consider trivial and he considers amazing.

due to an extremely strong will, and a deep seated fear of going to either jail or a sanatorium, beed has yet to rush up to a woman fixing a pony tail and blurt out "I THINK I'M IN LOVE FOR THE 97,895TH TIME!!!!!!"

your sick friend,

the honorable sir beedly

everybody has one.......the crazy uncle!

2006-02-07T11:52:00.000-06:00

wow.........beed don't know if he should write the following or not as it most definitely will open him up for ridicule. beed was discussin' a topic with a friend of his last week. it wuz about family. u know the old sayin', "you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family"

beed's buddy mike (whom beed wuz havin' the discussion with) is an extremely intelligent guy. from his description, all of his brothers and sisters are pretty sharp and all have pretty much become productive citizens. and they are big family, mike is the youngest of 12 kids. but even mike admitted that, sure, his extended family had a few black sheep in it also.

if most people would be honest, they would have to admit that even the best of families are going to have an abberation or two. it might be a brother, cousin, sister or the ever present in all families....... el loco tio (the crazy uncle). beed is gonna straight up admit he has a crazy uncle. this uncle is extremely intelligent but for whatever reason, his brain chooses not to maintain the proper amount of neurotransmitters, creating a chemical imbalance that causes him to do some flat out stupid shit.

beed hasn't even seen this uncle in a couple of years and he lives in b.g. beed's not going to list any specific act of idiocy from his uncle but if beed is ever feelin' low or thinkin' he has truly lost it this time all he has to do for a massive dose of self-esteem is pick up the telly-phone, call his mom up and and question her "how is uncle xxxxx doin' these days".

beed's precious mom is one of those people that is all too happy to share the family dirty laundry with another family member. beed, is one of those people that honestly doesn't want to know what stupid shit that a relative has done so he rarely does do this, but on the occasions he has done it, he usually uses ends up using phrases like "no kiddin?" .... "he didn't really do that did he?"...."why in the hell would anyone do that?"

beed's precious mom has done so many things to help her little brother out that it amazes beed. beed unnastands about takin' care of your siblings but if beed's hermanito (little brother) had treated beed the way el loco tio has treated moms, beed would have kicked his ass to the curb a long time ago.

beed guesses that is just another reason that dahbeed loves women so much. it never ceases to amaze dahbeed at how compassionate that the majority of women are. men, will give you a couple of chances but then it's out with the garbage. maybe that's why there are so many more female nurses than male nurses. we as a society need those people that will care for us when we are hurt.

we need that person that cleans that scrape and blows on it to make it feel better and give us some milk and cookies to help make the pain go away. women seem so much more ameniable to these roles than men do.

bein' a former marine, beed has always been a traditionally macho, tough guy personality. but when the entire family was gathered at beed's middle brother's deathbed (cancer got him 10 years ago) it wasn't beed that held things together. it was a 5'2, 105 pound angel in a nurses uniform that kept that whole room together.

beed marveled at the strength it must take to work on the floor where they put patients who are obviously near death. how could you come to work every day knowing you were going to lose a patient again today and there would probably be a roomful of family members that were going to lose it and your job was to make it as painless as possible?

beed wishes he had remembered that young nurses name.....she was no older than very early 20's but she had a strength and compassion that beed has yet to see in the strongest of men.

wow, beed don't know how he ended up here.....he started out talking about el loco tio and how every family had one and ended up talking about how he fell in love with an angel of mercy 10 years ago because of the compassion and empathy she displayed at the most difficult of times.

here's a shout out to all the female nurses of the world......we love ya'll and thanks for bein' there for us.

beed will try not to ramble so much next time or veer significantly off course but for those of you that have been readin' dahbeed for awhile on hilltoppah haven, you know that is a promise that he might very well break.