summer sanders.......you can swim in my pool

first off.....beed apologizes for not writin' shit for the last week. fact of the matter is he has been very busy at work and since he does a lot of his bloggin' at work (gettin' paid to jack around....does it get any better?) it doesn't take a genius to understand why beed ain't stepped up to the plate.

that said beed don't believe anything calamitous happened just because he didn't scribble for a week. life moved on. the sun came up in the east and set in the west. idiot drivers talked on cell phones while driving like inebriated monkeys and made beed say bunches of cuss words. people at work complained about the slightest things proving that they are the big pussies that they are. sorry, beed sounds like a hard ass but if you are getting paid around 20 dollars an hour to sort f'in mail in a climate controlled environment please don't complain to beed about any f'in thing. remember this, beed has talked to the folks in central america who make 4 bucks a day swingin' a f'in machete in a cane field so he ain't gonna be too empathetic with you.

ouch, chill out beed. you dropped 3 f-bombs in one paragraph. it don't matter that you didn't spell the whole word out. whatever poor soul reads your idiocy will inevitably sound out the whole word while they are reading it. at least beed would....but then again he LOVES to cuss. and beed ain't one of those people that it has been said use profanity because they lack the vocabulary to not use it. beed just likes cusswords. he learned to cuss from day one as his padre and tios (father and uncles) were some all american cussers so it's no surprise that some of beed's first spoken words were profane.

and then beed joined the marine corps following high school. talk about a finishing school for cussing. between his fellow marines and the squids he ran into on the ships he learned to really be able to string together a bunch of expletives.

then beed learned a new language.....spanish. a vast new arena of cusswords. of course they didn't teach them at western. but what do you think were some of the first questions beed axed friends he made in central america. como se dice fuck...chinga....como se dice shit...mierda......como se dice whore....puta. como se dice means how does one say? sorry if that makes beed come off in a bad light but he has always tried to be open and honest on this blog.

back to the title. if there is anything beed loves more than cussing it is women. beed has an awesome office with two huge windows. if ya'll are ever at the postal facility on scottsville road stop in and axe for beed and he will show you how pimp his office is. anyhoo, back to the windows. beed's desk faces them and he watches beautiful women pull up and get out of their vehicles and head inside for god only knows whatever type of postal business they need to take care of. it truly makes his day to know there are that many good looking women in his fine city.

beed is off work today. well actually he is going into work at 3 o clock and then driving to the postal facility in hopkinsville to work there the next two days. beed doesn't really want to do this but his boss told him he had to. he said he hated makin' beed do it but it was sumpin' he had to do. that's why beed has time to type his usual collection of bullshit up.

so beed's body wakes up around 5:45 every single day, alarm clock or no alarm clock. stumble out of bed, put on the short pants you've been wearing for a week and a half. hell, they're comfortable so don't dog beed about that. stumble down the stairs and pop the top on your first crystal geyser water of the day. beed goes through around 5 to 6 crystal geyser waters per day. that's one of the reasons beed is so damn skinny. he gave up cokes around 3 years ago. beed still treats himself to an occasional coke but ain't addicted to 'em like he used to be.

then turn the tube on to espn or something related to sports. this morning beed turned it to one of the fox stations and watched a show called "the sports list". today's list was the top 10 intimidating pitchers of all time. the show is hosted by summer sanders. beed finds her smokin' f'in hot. today she was wearing some low cut jeans with a cute white beaded belt. her top was almost a tank top. of course it was just a bit too small so there was a slight gap between her jeans and top showing just about an inch of skin.

you guys have no idea just how sexy that little bit of skin is. bullshit! you do know how sexy it is and that's why you dress like that. tho' summer does have some pretty big shoulders for a gal (she was an olympic swimmer) they are actually very athletic looking. not sammy sosa looking. lithe and long, not huge. beed finds female athletes verrrrrry hot. as long as they don't look like they could whip him.....lisa lang comes to mind.

summer also has a very cute face. and beed has watched how good she has become in front of a camera. beed will admit to watching her all the way back to her nickelodean days. there's something inherently wrong with having lustful desires while watching nickelodeon even if summer sanders is the host. would ya'll mind pitching in to put beed through some psychotherapy sessions?

her ease in front of the camera makes her even sexier to dahbeed. when she was talking about the reds "nasty boys" she started doing a little janet jackson dance imitation and it was sexy as hell.

okay, beed is opening up even further here. ya'll know he's a goober for long elegant necks on the womans. here's another achilles heel for beed. hands and feet. there he said it. beed always checks out a woman for pretty hands and feet. let's just say if there are two pretty equal good looking women beed ain't gonna go with man-hands. it's just that pretty hands and feet are the finishing touch on a fine looking woman.

and summer has both. pretty hands and gorgeous feet. yep, beed knows ya'll are about ready to have him committed by now but he is just being honest about how pretty women rock his world. beed ain't the only one with this affliction. his boss loves pretty hands and feet too. we were discussing a woman that has pretty hands just yesterday. we can't speak on her feet as we've not seen them.

well, beed figures he has wasted enough of your time. that is if anyone is even coming back to this website after he hasn't posted shit in one whole week. don't know if beed will have the opportunity to post anything for the next couple days since he will be in hoptown. hey, since beed will be in hoptown for two days, maybe he can take a little day trip to western state hospital. maybe they can hook him up with a cure. beed kinda doubts it as he has been this way for 46 years.

here is a link to an espn page 2 interview with summer. you can tell from it that she is a pretty confident person. ooh la la summer
your idiot friend,

the hand whisperer,

dahbeed.