fock.......another gut shot.

i was dialed into our district telecon this morning getting ready to participate with all the other plants. we do this every morning at 7:30. the maintenance manager was in my office as he has to participate in it also.

there was a page for him to pick up a call. since my phone was tied up he went to the office next door to pick up the call.

he came back to my office and said "that was ken xxxxxx's wife, she said he had a siezure last night so they rushed him to the medical center. they've done a mri and there is some kind of mass on his brain".

i actually felt like i had been punched in the stomach. i used to work with this man when i was in maintenance. i see him every day on the floor. and he's one of the finest people i've ever met. not only is he one of our best employees in the building he's a great guy.

he's very witty and never passes you without coming up with something just funny as hell. i truly hope and pray that this is not something serious but all i could think of was, not again, not f'in again.

back when i was still in maintenance i had a friend named mark. he was one of our building equipment mechanics. just like ken, a truly all around great, funny, witty guy. one day his wife called us and told us the same thing, he had a siezure and in his case they found an inoperable brain tumor.

to our maintenance manager and plant manager's credit, even when mark got to the point where he could no longer drive, they would let me bring him to work and then let him chill all day so they could keep a paycheck coming in until it got to the point that it was too dangerous for him to be here.

it hurt when we lost him. i think of him often. we were the same age and both had grown up with very similar life experiences. so often when someone passes on people will say, "he was a great guy" even if he was the biggest asshole you ever met. in mark's case it was true. he was a great guy.

the same goes for ken. he is a great guy and i hope and pray that he will come out of this okay. i don't know what else to say. i am gonna stop up at the medical center on my way home today and check in on him. don't really know what to say when i get there except i hope everything will turn out okay.

when my brother was dying of cancer he told me "david, grandpa used to tell me, if you have your health, you have everything. i never really understood what he meant until now" no truer words have ever been spoken.

no matter how crappy you think your life is, if you have good health, you should dance a little jig every day.

your buddy,

dahbeed.

long days indeed

it's around 3:15 and i've been here since 4:30 so i think it's okay for me to head out.

had a load of dense grade gravel dropped off today. a poor mans driveway. i get to go home and spread it. i'm goin' hog-wild on this manual labor shit and have the blisters to prove it.

between that and pumping my dumbells every time i want some toooooo-bacccooooo my biceps are turning into miniature little guns. just little cap pistols for right now. you rember cap pistols? the little red rolls of caps that you would use a rock to blow them up when the cap pistol wouldn't work anymore.

so let's call them pistolitas. beed's pistolitas.

i'm headin' to krrrrrrrooooooggggeeeeeerrrrrs to get some italian sausages to grill out when i get done with the gravel work. i might even do some pressure washing of my concrete up front when i finish the gravel.

so much work to do. but then again, i might just go home and pour a big glass of pinot grigio and settle in for some vegging on the couch. condray my brutha, you should see my dreams when i drink pinot grigio. they is wild as hell homie. the only thing that keeps me from becoming a pinot grigio wino.

i did get my new kumhos mounted on my whip yesterday and the maxima just glides now. it's like i'm driving in luxury lanes jerry........luxury lanes!

seeya.

el idiota del pueblo,

dahbeed pistolitas.

craftsmen.......beed could watch 'em work all day

beed loves to watch anyone that is good at their craft. back in the day when beed did honest work for a living as an electronics technician, he was very good at his craft.

he had spent most of his adult life working on electronics and mail sorting machines. in reality, electronics fail rarely. they do fail but it is usually the mechanical things that break. and beed was good. he could just as easily change out bearings, rebuild a feed section or pull out an oscilloscope and perform an alignment on a greyscale camera.

he does miss the old troubleshooting days at times. it was always a feeling of satisfaction when night shift would write up a work order on a piece of equipment that was acting hinky during the run shift and beed would go out there with his schematics and flowcharts and find out what was causing a problem.

we had a problem on a machine that lifts the image of a mailpiece. beed had aligned the camera and tried everything he could to fix it. it was occasionally stretching and bending an image. it didn't happen all the time. those are the toughest ones to fix. if it would just break it would be much easier to find.

we had a helpdesk we could escalate a problem we could not solve to. they would get some super-et to call you back and he would suggest you look at this board or that board or this power supply or that power supply. beed would never call until he had exhausted everything.

on this particular problem the super-et kept axing beed if he had checked out this. "yup" did you check out that? "yup". after about 30 minutes of this the super-et told beed "hell, man, you've tried everything i would have done, if you find out what is causing it, make sure you call me back and tell me what it was, so i can file it away for the future".

beed is competitive as hell and hates for any machine to whip his ass. so he was driving down lovers lane and was still trying to figure out what in the hell could be causing only occasional images to bend. all of our machines have a bunch of digital tachometers on them so the machine can keep track of where a mailpiece is at all times.

beed had hooked up an o'scope to every tach on the machine and every single one of them were shooting out a beautiful 5 volt square wave. but driving down lovers lane beed knew it had to be one of the tachs acting up. the next morning beed went straight out to the machine and went to the tach associated with the camera.

the tachs are coupled to a roller above by a small rubber tube that looks like lawn mower gas line. beed put a good light on the coupling and turned the roller by hand. sure enough, the tube had dry rotted and had developed a small diagonal crack in it that would occasionally open up when being spinned. that would jack the square wave up momentarily and cause the image to bend. beed was elated. he changed out the coupling and it fixed the machine.

enough about beed. he wants to talk about a craftsman he met yesterday. beed needed new gutters for his casa. he called two in the phone book and the first one was out of business and the second one said we don't do gutters anymore. so beed looked in services offered in the want ad section of the daily news and found someone that would come out and shoot beed an estimate.

this kid looked to be in his late twenties and told beed he could do them for 2.50 a running foot (as opposed to a walking foot?). beed said, "do it homie". he promised beed he would be out his casa around 5 on monday evening.

homie didn't make it until around 5:45 but got right to work after beed showed him where he wanted the downspouts. beed watched the kid work as beed was still doing some yardwork himself. he watched just how meticulous that this kid was.

beed knew that there was no way in hell he could finish the job up last night. the boy was starting to lose his light and beed watched to see if he was gonna get in a hurry and try to cram at the end and finish up. but he didn't. he stayed meticulous as hell.....measuring it once, measuring it twice and installing it with care and precision.

this impressed the shit out of beed as so many contractors these days are just there to make the quick buck and move on to the next job. not this kid. he finally knocked on the front door and said "i'm sorry but i'm going to have to come back to finish these last two. it's just too dark and i don't want them to be hung poorly".

he only had a little bit left so beed said "well go ahead and give me the total and i'll go ahead a pay you now, i trust you to come back, i've watched your work and i know you'll do right".

he would have none of it. "no sir, i won't take anything until i have the job finished right". so beed thanked him for what he had done and axed him if he had any cards so beed could put 'em on the bulletin boards at work. he was all to happy to oblige as a lot of these guys get a lot of their business by word of mouth and reccomendations.

so if you need some gutter work done around b.g. you just axe beed and he will put you on to a kid that really does a good job.

your friend,

the tradesman (formerly),

dahbeed.

grand moff beed.....the big kahuna

the big cheese. numero uno. el presidente. whatever you call the guy who is ballin' and shot callin'.

beed was talking to his plant manager last week and was sure he told beed that he would be in d.c. for some training beginning may 1st.

so beed woke up early again today and was at work by 4:30. one of the night shift guys stops in beed's office and says so it's bta this week huh? bta is an acronym we made up when beed worked as an electronics technician.

whenever our supervisor was off for a day we called it bta...short for better than annual (leave). all the advantages of a vacation day without having to use any of your vacation time up. it eventually jumped from the maintenance department to become part of the floor lexicon. now everyone knows what bta is.

back to the question. beed said what do you mean? him "the boss is in d.c. this week, you're in charge". beed "unh unh, that's next week" him "are you sure, that's not what the email said".

beed "forward it to me" here is what was in the email and beed did not change the format at all. this is a copy and paste. "NEXT WEEK WHILE I AM IN POTOMAC, MD OSS DAVID CARTER WILL BE IN CHARGE OF THIS FACILITY UNTIL MONDAY MAY 1, 2006. ANY INQUIRES SHOULD BE DIRECTED TOWARDS HIM IN MY ABSENCE."

don't know why he shouted it but he does that for effect sometimes. good thing that beed was wide awake and ready to take the helm. beed knows that he will now be hit up several times with "hey, can i waive my lunch and work a straight 8?". they always do it when the plant manager is gone cuz they know that numma 2 is more lenient than numma 1.

anyhoo, it is mellower when beedster is in charge. and he don't mind doing it for short stretches but does not want to do it all summer. my boy told me he has 4 weeks he'll be gone in the next couple months so beed will have to be here for all of them.

hey, if ya'll see beed comin' you might wanna step aside. he's carryin' the big stick with him this week.

your new boss,

dahbeed ewing.

andy dick is funny as hell

i've liked this idiot all the way back to his news radio days which was an excellent show with phil hartman and joe rogan among others. way under rated in my humble opinion.

anyhoo, someone sent me an email with a funny site and i found this video by andy dick and it is hilarious. click aqui ---> make me laugh andy

the miraculous human body

yes, we know beed has a miraculous bod but that is not the reason for the title.

as beed has alluded to in an earlier post he has been trying to change some bad habits. one was tobacco, nuff said. beed has battled that addiction since he was 13 years old and has beat it back many times for years at a time only to return to his old friend when under too much stress.

he is using the gum to get off it once more. he has been off of big tobacco for over a week now. beed will eventually taper off the gum. here is his mad method of getting off the gum. taper down to where he only uses it after meals.....a typical time for tobacco. then when he gets an urge he lifts these 20 pound dumbells he keeps in his office and at home.

just a couple sets of curls and overhead presses and lunges until the urge goes away. and it does if you lift enough to fight it away. the side benefit of that is that you start to get in better physical conditioning also.

the other habit he is fighting and he pretty much has it beat as it is the 2 week mark on that one is a prescription he has been taking for 4 years for his knees and elbow. it is a nsaid (non-steroidal anti inflammatory drug). doesn't give you a buzz but works miracles on bad knees.

back when beed's doc prescribed it for him he was hoopin' for two different teams. one in church league and one in industrial league. beed also worked out on the floor in a job where he was on his feet pretty much all day with a lot of bending and squatting and whatnot.

right now he is doing neither of them. not hooping, and since he is in management now the only muscle he stresses is his ass or his scroll finger from his computer mouse. so beed says, hell, i'll just stop taking them. after two sleepless nights of thrashing about beed googles the drug name and adds withdrawals to the search.

holy shit batman!!! the web articles beed read says that the withdrawal symptoms mirror and are as extreme as opiate withdrawals. says beed should have spoke to his doc about it and tapered down. too late for that. beed wasn't about to see his doc and start tapering down after he already had 2 days under his belt.

needless to say, if you've been reading beed lately, he has been waking up around 2:30 to 3:00 every morning zombie style and been unable to return to sleep. so he has just been going in to work early and knocking out mad amounts of tasks since at 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning beed is the only person there in the front hallway. it's amazing how much work you can get done when uninterrupted.

today beed actually slept until 4:00 so maybe his body is adjusting itself. and that brings us back to why beed used the title above. even after years of abuse, his body is bouncing back quickly with this new regimen.

you already know beed has been doing a hanz and franz mini workout to fight his urges. he has also been doing a lot of manual labor at the casa. several years ago beed built this huge sandbox so he could install a slide for his boys. beed built it out of landscape timbers and used these ridiculously long pole barn nails to hold it together.

there is no longer a need for it so beed decided to disassemble it and use the timbers in another project. trust the beedster on this one. there is NO easy f'in way to pull those jobbers apart when you have driven the spikes that beed used.

here is how you do it. you take a straight claw hammer and use another hammer (of course beed has two hammers, he practically built his own house) to drive the strait claw in between two timbers. that lifts the top timber just enough for you to drive a crowbar under the end of the timber.

no easy way to do the next part. just good old back-breaking labor yanking on that crowbar to lift the top timber a bit more, say an inch off the bottom one. then you pull the crowbar out and jam this big spud bar up in there. it's the simple laws of leverage being employed. the spud bar is much longer than the crowbar so you get more bang for you buck, or in this case for your back.

beed even gave his spud bar an affectionate nickname since it was helping beed kick so much landscape timber ass. beed bestowed "big papi" on the spud bar. it took beed two full afternoons to fully disassemble said sandbox. there were timbers strown all ovah the back yard.

since beed woke up at 3:00 saturday morning when 7:00 rolled around he was primed for more manual labor. he put on his work clothes and boots and headed out to the back yard for more grunt work. he truly hopes his neighbors ain't too mad at him for all the racket he was making with his hammers.

those pole barn nails (spikes in reality) are too long to try to pull from the timbers so what beed did was drive them flush then he would turn the timber over to break the spike off flush on the other side. you use a pair of vise grips for this job. latching in on the spike about a quarter inch above the timber and then just bending the spike back and forth until it breaks. sometimes it's 4 times, sometimes 20.

after de-spikefying all of the timbers beed laid them all out on his basketball court. time to bring out one of the favorite implements beed has ever purchased......the pressure washer. beed has a 6.5 horsepower pressure washer that kicks ass. beed will soon use it to clean every square inch of concrete that beed owns (it's a bunch). but saturday it was called upon to clean up the timbers. and it did an awesome job.

todays project is to use those timbers to line his driveway. it's just a gravel driveway. one of these years beed will get it paved but not yet. beed is gonna dig a trench where the timbers have a little over half exposed. then one day next week beed will have a load of dense grade gravel delivered to the beed casa and beed will rake it smooth and bring it flush to the timbers.

sure, it will be just one more thing that beed has to weed eat against but it should look better than the setup that beed has now.

and this morning beed is sore as hell. all over his body sore. but it is a damn good feeling sore too. it's a sore that lets you know that you are still alive and getting in better shape as the soreness subsides. between the lifting of weights and all of the manual labor beed has been doing his body is getting in the best shape it has been in some time. and it feels good.

it was beed's new years resolution to get off of big tobacco and quit taking his nsaids. would late april still count as a successful new years resolution? some of us are just slower than others at getting things done.

but beed feels good about it and good about himself. but then again, when has beed not felt good about himself? it's one of the reasons you guys love him. everybody loves a confident person and beed has usually had that in spades. hopefully by the time hoops season rolls around and you see the beedstah again he will be in much better physical condition than he was this last year.

no promises but right now that's the plan.

your friend,

the mexican general

manuel dahbeed lahbor.

wtf.....someone splain this to beed

the photo you see above is the 225/50WR17 Kumho ECSTA ASX. now beed researches the internet before he buys anything. and he did some surfing on some maxima sites where many folks said these kumhos are great replacement tires for the bridgestone potenzas that came on the car.

supposedly much quieter than the potenzas and just as good in the performance department. anyhoo, beed's potenzas are about as bald as his head. bald on beed's head looks good, bald on beed's tires don't look good at all. it actually looks pretty scary when there's a storm brewing on the horizon.

so beed breaks down and goes to sears. he knows a guy there and always uses him so he can get the points or whatever sears uses that they don't call a commission even tho' that's what it is.

beed axes "how much to put me in a set of kumhos?" him: clacking away on his keyboard, and isn't clacking one of those words that sounds like what it is? "umm, with road hazard $1,139.03, each tire is 214 dollars" beed: "screw me with a red hot poker next time, i don't believe i can commit to this right now" him: "we'll be here" beed: in his mind "hell yeah but not with any of beed's cheddah"

so beed goes home and gets on the internet. he had found this place before where their prices can't be beat. it's a place called tire rack dot com. beed clacks in the pertinent info such as make and model and year and it spits out all kinds of tires beed can outfit his pimp ass whip with. most importantly it spits out the kumho ecstas. dare you guess what they wanted for them. beed want you to close your eyes and pick out a number between one and one googol. after you have the number look at the next paragraph.

eighty-eight frickin' dollars apiece. with 44 dollars shipping added on the grand total is 396.12. then beed has to pay kentucky tire exchange to mount and balance them. that will hit around a hundred bucks but beed's maxima will soon be wearin' new sneaks and for 600 dollars less than sears wanted.

these are the exact same tires too. not factory seconds or blemished. the same frickin tire and one place wants 214 and another place wants 99 when you include shipping. thank God for the internet.

beed's eyes are still popping open zombie style at 2:30 every morning no matter what time he goes to bed. he put it to good use this morning. went in to work early and am leaving early today.

your buddy,

dahbeed andretti.

painful as hell.

if you read beed's earlier post you would know that he had to attend a funeral today of a 16 year old kid that took his own life at the end of a rifle.

you also know that beed knows this family. we arrived at the church a little before 12 but they were already letting people in. we got in the line to talk to the family. what in the hell do you say to someone that just lost their son, brother at his own hands?

you just hug them and say "i'm sorry, i can't imagine" and you choke back the sobs so you won't add to their pain.

since we got there so early we had a two hour wait before the funeral started. beed is a people watcher if anything and saw so many things play out that he wouldn't dream of sharing on something like this.

the non stop line of other kids, high school kids who were his classmates and a bunch of kids that were his brother's friends just made beed's heart break.

for many of these kids, this is the first person that they have lost. beed was blessed when he was young as he didn't lose any family members until his great grandfather passed when beed was 15. but that wasn't like one of my friends taking his own life. he was 92.

the two pastors that did the funeral said that the boy, his brother and their father were all baptized on Christmas day 2005. what a treat that was. they showed video of it.

there was much crying and weeping today but what do you expect when we lose one this young? it's been a long day....beed has been up since 2:30 and it is now 8:38. very tired and hoping his eyes won't zombie on him at 2:30 tomorrow.

beed has spoke to dahbicito several times today and noticed that at the end of every call he said "i love you". he usually never adds that to a phone call in front of his friends even though papi always closes a phone call with "i love you". this really affected dahbicito. that poor little fella has lost more than one mentor and friend in his short 19 years.

it felt good to hug the family members today and hope that the healing touch of human interaction would work it's magic. as human beings we crave human touch. it reassures us so.

i promise i am not trying to be morbid. i am sharing an experience that made me feel as raw as an open cut. again, if you pray......say one for this family for if there is a family in bowling green tonight that needs it, it is them.

your friend,

david.

beed is back!

beed is alive and kicking. he has not been holed up in an opium den in bangkok thailand.....as tempting as that sounds.

last week beed spent each day mentoring a young man from london kentucky. beed actually chaired the selection committee that put this young man in his job. he's a.j. squared away. he's gonna be a good one. he cares about doing a good job and he's smart so he'll pick up things fast.

beed has one manager under him and we split the duties that are required of our section. we also back each other's job up when one is off. the man from london, let's call him toby, will be required to do both of our jobs so he was back and forth in our offices trying to learn as much as possible in one week.

beed really came to like him in his week here in b.g. he's definitely gonna be an asset to our organization and it's going to be fun to watch him learn.

it's funny, beed and greg got their jobs 2 and 1/2 years ago. there were two ladies we had on speed dial and whenever we ran into something we were lost on we would call them up. now we are the ones that other people call. the sme's (subject matter experts). and both of us are very happy to help the new guys out as we both experienced the angst of not knowing what the hell we were doing.

another reason beed hasn't written is he's kind of hit a writing wall. plus beed has beed trying to break a couple of bad habits. and his body is taking it kind of hard. no matter if beed goes to bed at 9 or 11, around 2:55 beed's eyeballs pop open like a zombie in a cheap black and white b movie. it's no use to even try and lay there and get back to sleep.

so beed just takes a long hot shower or long hot bath and then goes into work. beed tried to watch t.v. how many times can you watch infomercials hawking something you would never dream of buying. beed has to admit the girls gone wild video informercials do stir him a bit but there ain't shit on tv at 3:00 am.

onto something completely different. and tragic.

yesterday dahbicito called me at work and said one of his friends younger brother was missing and everyone was worried about him as he had made some very scary statements.

i've known this friend of david since he was 9 years old and had him on my baseball team when he was 10. i had drafted him because he was david's friend.

saturday me and my boys were doing yardwork and michael asked if we could have a campfire. i told him sure. david asked if his friends could come out. i told him of course.

my sons have pitiful fire building skillzzzz and i have great ones so i took their puny fire and built it into a damn fine one. david's friend and i sat in a couple of lawn chairs next to the fire and just bullshitted like two guys will do. it's funny to watch the kids you coached as little boys turn into young men.

anyway, david called me back and said they had found the boy and he had taken his own life with a gun. the boy that i sat with saturday night found his brother before anyone else did. i still cry when i think of a 16 year old that would take his own life leaving behind a family and friends crushed by his decision.

i cry for his brother that will have that image forever stamped in his brain.

visitation is at hillvue heights church from 12:00 to 2:00 today with the funeral following immediately. my whole family will be going. i did take this opportunity to emphasize with both of my sons that no matter how bad you think things are there is never a reason to take your own life. it is too precious and every second should be treasured.

i look out the window and it is raining and it looks like the tears of God coming down to lament this loss. they match my own tears as i type this.

if you pray at all, say a prayer for this family.

your friend,

david.

another reason i love western.

most of you know the reason i love western so much is because of the athletics teams that western has fielded over the years. they have given me much joy, plenty of pain, but they have always been MY TEAM.

but they are by no means the only reason i love western. last night miguelito stuck a consent form in my face so he could take a field trip to a massage parlor and see what really goes on at the “osaka oriental spa”.

actually that’s where i just got back from and i feel so relaxed now. and for some damn reason i have a urge for a smoke.

the consent form was so drakes creek middle school could transport him and a whole herd of other pubescent teenagers to van meter auditorium for a choral competition.

so i get to work this morning and i get a call on my cellio from a number i don’t recognize. normally i won’t answer a number i don’t recognize. i feel if it’s important they will leave a voice mail. that way i can screen whoever i want to talk to. don’t come down on me for that, you guys do it too, dahbeed is just the only person stupid enough to admit to doing shit like that.

but this time i answer it with a tepid “hello”. it’s miguelito....”ummm dad, umm mrs. l needs to talk to you. i’m already thinkin’ “what in the hell kind of trouble can you already be in at 7:15”. she informs me that miguelito can’t seem to locate his consent form and if i’ll give her a verbal yes over the phone she can take him. she says she’s sure when things settle down he’ll prolly find it. i told her “not unless you are gonna run him by the casa cuz i bet it’s right on the sofa where i saw it this morning”

she chuckles and says he’s such a good boy. let me tell you folks. it never gets old being told that you have a good kid. and i have been told that numerous times by so many different folks about both of my sons. lookout folks, beed has just added two more productive citizens to us workforce. not right this minute but beed has raised both of his boys to the best of his ability. jerkin’ that knot when it needs jerkin’. doling out the love when that is needed.

she ends her call inviting me to come to the show. i tell her i probably won’t be able to make it. i’m basically numma two up in this joint. that comes with privilege. if i want to take off for a couple hours to go see my son’s chorus then i can. trust beed on this one. he will make it up on the tail end. that’s just the way it works out as a manager in this organization.

but remember, numma two is still under numma one. so i stroll down the hallway and axe numma one “hey man, you mind if i run up to the hill to catch miguelito’s presentation?” him, “of course not, if i didn’t have this conference call coming up i’d go with you”

so beed dives into the gridlock that is scottsville road every morning. turn right on cumberland trace and then take cemetery road into b.g. i park on the gravel parking lot between kentucky and adams street.

i peer up to van meter and think i can see it through the clouds up that high. so i then hump from ky. street to van meter auditorium. i promise you this, i will bitch slap the next mutha-f’er that ever axes me “what’s a hilltopper”

i walk in just as they are getting ready to perform their first selection. i am one of only around 4 parents or grandparents in there. miguelito spies me and gets a big smile and gives me a little nod that lets me know he’s seen me.

on the way in i saw a bunch of schoolkids in khakis and blue polo shirts. drakes on the other hand has these pimp tight black robes. all of the boys are wearing black pants and white shirts and ties. miguelito used my red wku tie. they also have this red thing across their shoulders and it goes down the front of the robe. looks like a big long tie and it just drapes them. i have no idea what it is called but it was big pimpin’ too.

if looks is part of the criteria they crushed the little school outside. and then they sang. just two songs but they were beautiful. their teacher must be really good. as i sat in van meter i thought about how much western means to this community. yes van meter has some years on it but the acoustics in there were phenomenal for something like this. just one little hour out of my day but my day was made better for having western in this town.

as i walked back down the hill speaking to passers by i looked down the hill. the birds were singing. the sun was shining beautifully and another wonderful day on the hill was unfolding. i seriously was doing a little playa hatin’ on dahbicito thinkin’ about how good he has it. i hope he realizes, and i think he does what a wonderful experience the western experience is.

and miguelito had no idear his papi was coming to listen. i could tell that one little thing made his day. it’s just part of bein’ a good papi. giving them support in their endeavours.

your buddy,

el maestro,
dahbeed.

summer sanders.......you can swim in my pool

first off.....beed apologizes for not writin' shit for the last week. fact of the matter is he has been very busy at work and since he does a lot of his bloggin' at work (gettin' paid to jack around....does it get any better?) it doesn't take a genius to understand why beed ain't stepped up to the plate.

that said beed don't believe anything calamitous happened just because he didn't scribble for a week. life moved on. the sun came up in the east and set in the west. idiot drivers talked on cell phones while driving like inebriated monkeys and made beed say bunches of cuss words. people at work complained about the slightest things proving that they are the big pussies that they are. sorry, beed sounds like a hard ass but if you are getting paid around 20 dollars an hour to sort f'in mail in a climate controlled environment please don't complain to beed about any f'in thing. remember this, beed has talked to the folks in central america who make 4 bucks a day swingin' a f'in machete in a cane field so he ain't gonna be too empathetic with you.

ouch, chill out beed. you dropped 3 f-bombs in one paragraph. it don't matter that you didn't spell the whole word out. whatever poor soul reads your idiocy will inevitably sound out the whole word while they are reading it. at least beed would....but then again he LOVES to cuss. and beed ain't one of those people that it has been said use profanity because they lack the vocabulary to not use it. beed just likes cusswords. he learned to cuss from day one as his padre and tios (father and uncles) were some all american cussers so it's no surprise that some of beed's first spoken words were profane.

and then beed joined the marine corps following high school. talk about a finishing school for cussing. between his fellow marines and the squids he ran into on the ships he learned to really be able to string together a bunch of expletives.

then beed learned a new language.....spanish. a vast new arena of cusswords. of course they didn't teach them at western. but what do you think were some of the first questions beed axed friends he made in central america. como se dice fuck...chinga....como se dice shit...mierda......como se dice whore....puta. como se dice means how does one say? sorry if that makes beed come off in a bad light but he has always tried to be open and honest on this blog.

back to the title. if there is anything beed loves more than cussing it is women. beed has an awesome office with two huge windows. if ya'll are ever at the postal facility on scottsville road stop in and axe for beed and he will show you how pimp his office is. anyhoo, back to the windows. beed's desk faces them and he watches beautiful women pull up and get out of their vehicles and head inside for god only knows whatever type of postal business they need to take care of. it truly makes his day to know there are that many good looking women in his fine city.

beed is off work today. well actually he is going into work at 3 o clock and then driving to the postal facility in hopkinsville to work there the next two days. beed doesn't really want to do this but his boss told him he had to. he said he hated makin' beed do it but it was sumpin' he had to do. that's why beed has time to type his usual collection of bullshit up.

so beed's body wakes up around 5:45 every single day, alarm clock or no alarm clock. stumble out of bed, put on the short pants you've been wearing for a week and a half. hell, they're comfortable so don't dog beed about that. stumble down the stairs and pop the top on your first crystal geyser water of the day. beed goes through around 5 to 6 crystal geyser waters per day. that's one of the reasons beed is so damn skinny. he gave up cokes around 3 years ago. beed still treats himself to an occasional coke but ain't addicted to 'em like he used to be.

then turn the tube on to espn or something related to sports. this morning beed turned it to one of the fox stations and watched a show called "the sports list". today's list was the top 10 intimidating pitchers of all time. the show is hosted by summer sanders. beed finds her smokin' f'in hot. today she was wearing some low cut jeans with a cute white beaded belt. her top was almost a tank top. of course it was just a bit too small so there was a slight gap between her jeans and top showing just about an inch of skin.

you guys have no idea just how sexy that little bit of skin is. bullshit! you do know how sexy it is and that's why you dress like that. tho' summer does have some pretty big shoulders for a gal (she was an olympic swimmer) they are actually very athletic looking. not sammy sosa looking. lithe and long, not huge. beed finds female athletes verrrrrry hot. as long as they don't look like they could whip him.....lisa lang comes to mind.

summer also has a very cute face. and beed has watched how good she has become in front of a camera. beed will admit to watching her all the way back to her nickelodean days. there's something inherently wrong with having lustful desires while watching nickelodeon even if summer sanders is the host. would ya'll mind pitching in to put beed through some psychotherapy sessions?

her ease in front of the camera makes her even sexier to dahbeed. when she was talking about the reds "nasty boys" she started doing a little janet jackson dance imitation and it was sexy as hell.

okay, beed is opening up even further here. ya'll know he's a goober for long elegant necks on the womans. here's another achilles heel for beed. hands and feet. there he said it. beed always checks out a woman for pretty hands and feet. let's just say if there are two pretty equal good looking women beed ain't gonna go with man-hands. it's just that pretty hands and feet are the finishing touch on a fine looking woman.

and summer has both. pretty hands and gorgeous feet. yep, beed knows ya'll are about ready to have him committed by now but he is just being honest about how pretty women rock his world. beed ain't the only one with this affliction. his boss loves pretty hands and feet too. we were discussing a woman that has pretty hands just yesterday. we can't speak on her feet as we've not seen them.

well, beed figures he has wasted enough of your time. that is if anyone is even coming back to this website after he hasn't posted shit in one whole week. don't know if beed will have the opportunity to post anything for the next couple days since he will be in hoptown. hey, since beed will be in hoptown for two days, maybe he can take a little day trip to western state hospital. maybe they can hook him up with a cure. beed kinda doubts it as he has been this way for 46 years.

here is a link to an espn page 2 interview with summer. you can tell from it that she is a pretty confident person. ooh la la summer
your idiot friend,

the hand whisperer,

dahbeed.