Proof that God exists. Basketball style.
there are actually a few folks that beed suspects read his inanity and insanity that don't read hilltopper haven. he bases it on the fact of where they come from. so beed is going to copy and paste some of his idiocy that he posted on hilltopper haven today.
Proof That God Exists
Bradley Joseph: The Washington Post
Monday, March 27, 2006
Scholars have debated for centuries if there in fact is a God. Benedictine monks say that events that took place this weekend prove that there is in fact some type of deity in charge of all of mans moves. “At least we believe he is a basketball fan, obvious by events that took place concerning the final four” says Father William George MacCloskey.
“Father Van Eaton and I have this debate every year” adds MacCloskey. “As in all aspects of our lives college basketball ultimately is another example of Good versus Evil. In this years tournament, we feel that perhaps some supernatural events unfolded that can only be explained by a greater being such as God”
The fact that no number one seeds, in the roles of Evil, made the final four and an upstart George Mason, in the role of Good did make it seems to support at least anecdotally that there is a higher power.
“We like to believe that we are in control of our own destinies, when in fact nothing could be further from the truth” noted behavioral scientist David Kirkwood stated. “Look at all of the advantages that the BCS schools had in this tourney. They got higher seeds, they are fawned over by the media, they are allowed to blatantly cheat and complain about where a game is being played. But when the dust settled from this weekend, not one of the basketball equivalent of the axis of evil, the University of Kentucky, the University of Connecticut nor Duke made the final four” adds Kirkwood.
Fans interviewed in The Verizon Center following the game said it has been a long time coming. Trace Carter, a George Mason Patriots fan said “With all of the superstars jumping to the NBA over the last several years it has allowed us smaller schools to put together some teams that are not that far off in talent from the BCS schools” Carter also noted that the reason why everyone views these games as upsets is because the BCS schools never play the smaller schools away from home.
“The BCS schools have the money to play all of their out of conference games at home. This gives them a feeling of invincibility that is shattered when they have to play on even a neutral floor” Carter added that statement while being escorted from the Verizon Center by District of Columbia police. After initially running onto the floor and celebrating with other Patriot fans Mr. Carter was observed chasing CBS Analyst Billy Packer. When Mr. Carter caught Mr. Packer, he allegedly shoved a CBS microphone up Mr. Packer’s rectum.
Strangely enough, Mr. Packer refused to press charges claiming “I just want Mr. Carter’s phone number, can anyone get me his number?” Co-host Jim Nantz supposedly was overheard saying “Me next, me next!!” while jumping up and down and clapping his hands like a trained seal.
Events this weekend also destroyed many office basketball pools. At a Bethesda Maryland doctor’s office there was only one person in the pool that had all 4 teams of the final four picked correctly. “Everyone else used fancy indicators like the RPI and Sagarin Ratings but that is not how I picked them” shares proctologist, Dr. Tommy Hogan while pulling on some latex gloves. “I have a pet monkey named Ryan, when he gets excited he does one of two things, he either services himself or he flings poo. I thought what the heck so I put a large bracket on the wall of his bedroom and everytime he would fling his poo on the bracket I would write that team down as the winner”
Though not a scientific method, it has Dr. Hogan in the lead to win the office pool. “I deserve this” says Dr. Hogan while spreading lubricant on his latex gloves. “Just think about what I do all day for a living? I mean REALLY think about it. Who wants my job? Right now I have to get ready to meet a new patient that has somehow managed to insert a microphone into his rectum” “I see some strange things in this job but that is a first for me”
Proof That God Exists
Bradley Joseph: The Washington Post
Monday, March 27, 2006
Scholars have debated for centuries if there in fact is a God. Benedictine monks say that events that took place this weekend prove that there is in fact some type of deity in charge of all of mans moves. “At least we believe he is a basketball fan, obvious by events that took place concerning the final four” says Father William George MacCloskey.
“Father Van Eaton and I have this debate every year” adds MacCloskey. “As in all aspects of our lives college basketball ultimately is another example of Good versus Evil. In this years tournament, we feel that perhaps some supernatural events unfolded that can only be explained by a greater being such as God”
The fact that no number one seeds, in the roles of Evil, made the final four and an upstart George Mason, in the role of Good did make it seems to support at least anecdotally that there is a higher power.
“We like to believe that we are in control of our own destinies, when in fact nothing could be further from the truth” noted behavioral scientist David Kirkwood stated. “Look at all of the advantages that the BCS schools had in this tourney. They got higher seeds, they are fawned over by the media, they are allowed to blatantly cheat and complain about where a game is being played. But when the dust settled from this weekend, not one of the basketball equivalent of the axis of evil, the University of Kentucky, the University of Connecticut nor Duke made the final four” adds Kirkwood.
Fans interviewed in The Verizon Center following the game said it has been a long time coming. Trace Carter, a George Mason Patriots fan said “With all of the superstars jumping to the NBA over the last several years it has allowed us smaller schools to put together some teams that are not that far off in talent from the BCS schools” Carter also noted that the reason why everyone views these games as upsets is because the BCS schools never play the smaller schools away from home.
“The BCS schools have the money to play all of their out of conference games at home. This gives them a feeling of invincibility that is shattered when they have to play on even a neutral floor” Carter added that statement while being escorted from the Verizon Center by District of Columbia police. After initially running onto the floor and celebrating with other Patriot fans Mr. Carter was observed chasing CBS Analyst Billy Packer. When Mr. Carter caught Mr. Packer, he allegedly shoved a CBS microphone up Mr. Packer’s rectum.
Strangely enough, Mr. Packer refused to press charges claiming “I just want Mr. Carter’s phone number, can anyone get me his number?” Co-host Jim Nantz supposedly was overheard saying “Me next, me next!!” while jumping up and down and clapping his hands like a trained seal.
Events this weekend also destroyed many office basketball pools. At a Bethesda Maryland doctor’s office there was only one person in the pool that had all 4 teams of the final four picked correctly. “Everyone else used fancy indicators like the RPI and Sagarin Ratings but that is not how I picked them” shares proctologist, Dr. Tommy Hogan while pulling on some latex gloves. “I have a pet monkey named Ryan, when he gets excited he does one of two things, he either services himself or he flings poo. I thought what the heck so I put a large bracket on the wall of his bedroom and everytime he would fling his poo on the bracket I would write that team down as the winner”
Though not a scientific method, it has Dr. Hogan in the lead to win the office pool. “I deserve this” says Dr. Hogan while spreading lubricant on his latex gloves. “Just think about what I do all day for a living? I mean REALLY think about it. Who wants my job? Right now I have to get ready to meet a new patient that has somehow managed to insert a microphone into his rectum” “I see some strange things in this job but that is a first for me”
posted by dahbeed at 11:55 AM
10 Comments:
Funny stuff man! I enjoyed reading it on the Haven too. Unfortunately, I didn't see much hoops over the weekend. I didn't even get to see the great upset (if you believe Paccker and Nantz). However, got moved, and got a lot of things situated. The biggest areas are completed and livable.
BTW, I had hits from South Africa and the Philipines today, both for ZERO seconds!
LOL..thanks, I just snorted my soup thru my nose from laughing...just the way I like my lunch.
Absolutely Hilarious! You should retire and write books!!
thank you, thank you, thank you.
beed always aims to please and was in a deleriously good mood this morning for a monday. because the big boys (number one seeds) all got bumped.
and i truly detest jim calhoun. he is nauseating in his arrogance.
a tidbit. all of the names used in the faux story come from hilltopper haven posters. but it is a mish-mash of the names. nobody's full name is in it together. i separated the first from the last name and did a mix and match with other poster's first or last name.
can ya'll guess who i named the pet monkey after? condray knows.
the murphster?
That would be the one. I didn't even tie those together. Man, that's even funnier now! It's like the old saying "Even a blind squirrel occassionally busts a nut", or something like that. I think you put several names in there for the pet monkey.
Frankly, I'm glad you added a little humor over there. I've cut off a lot of my reading since the end of our season. Some of the natives have taken their attitudes and resentment toward the team to a whole different level. It's gotten old, really quit. It almost makes me want to go do some work or something. My posts have been few and far between since the end, unless I'm talking about the Lady Tops. I wish some of the people on the Haven would give the LT's a little love. I don't care if you don't like women's basketball. If you love Western, then you should love the LT's and be proud of what they are doing? Instead they just want to argue who's going to start next year and how great the NCAA tournament is.
Whoop-dee-freakin'-doo!!
glad u liked my monkey's name condray....and you get the blue ribbon riovanya, mi amor. how could i have named a pet monkey that flings his poo after anyone but him?
the following havenites had their names chopped up and used in my idiotic post:
txtop
tjo
shunpiker
murph
dahbeed
nashville topper (that red hot mama)
condray, go back and look how many posts i've had lately.....very few. and just like you it has been because of the negativity. that is just not me.
that, and dealing with lunatics like wkuyg. i've noticed he hasn't posted much since he accused me of dui the other night.
of course, anybody can post their opinion...it is the internet. but sometimes he crosses the line. we are damn sure one big happy (at times) dysfunctional family.
and this site leaves me with an outlet for my words that i need to get rid of each day. if i can't come up with something positive to post (or humorous) i just won't post anything over there.
it is still the best team message board i've ever seen. haven does a good job of policing it but has actually really loosened up since he first started the haven.
if not for haven, i wouldn't have met any of you guys. and that would be a shame. i consider all of you friends...and i don't mean acquaintances. i mean friends.
your buddy,
the beedstah. (david)
p.s. i'm still pullin' for the lady toppahs too. but i have a bad feeling about playin' in front of 6k hostiles tomorrow night.
if we can pull that one off it should be ours for the taking. c'mon mtc....show me what you are made of.
Thanks a lot for making me a PRIEST. [whiny voice]why couldn't you have made me a Hooter's waitress? [/whiny voice]
sorry, valerie. i just always look at you as classy. plus i liked the way father van eaton sounded. it just has a nice ring to it. i promise next time to make you an exotic dancer or someone that prowls dickerson pike.
call it ego but i gave the plum roles to me and shunpiker. and my little monkey.
my little monkey must not have read it because he has yet to call me giving me hell about it. and i deserve it. i wouldn't want someone to name their little monkey that flings his poo david.
I think the LT's play up to their competition, so I think they'll play a good one tonight. I think something just snapped in them when they got snubbed from the NCAA tournament. It's almost like the Seniors said "You know what? Our last game is going to be a championship game, and there's not a damn team that can stop us!"
They've beat the snot out of a couple of pretty decent teams. Villanova was supposed to be pretty good, right? Again, how bad did we beat that ass?
I love it! I sent MTC an email on Tuesday after the selection show, and she replied quickly. I could tell she was both "hurt" and very "angry". I think the team is taking that frustration out on the other teams they're playing. Which is how it should be!
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